Sunday, June 16, 2019
Home Emotional aspects of sexuality Non-sexual intimacy Women do not need to be like men to be valid

Women do not need to be like men to be valid

Sex educators promote masturbation and the clitoris to women. Yet no man ever needs to be told about the penis or masturbation. These so-called experts give advice on the basis of theory rather than personal experience. The fact that women need this advice is evidence that female masturbation (unlike male masturbation) is rare. No one considers that this behaviour (of not masturbating) might be quite normal for women. We do not orgasm because we are given information. A responsive woman (capable of orgasm) does not need to be told about the clitoris. She discovers it by herself.

Most women are obviously unresponsive because they do not appreciate how orgasm is achieved. They see the external evidence of masturbation, which is a person physically stimulating their genitals. Sex educators tell girls that just by stimulating their genitals, they will automatically have an orgasm. They don’t appreciate that any adult who masturbates must use a source of eroticism to become aroused enough for their genitals to respond to stimulation. It is very clear that these experts have never had an orgasm in their lives. It’s just bravado. By providing incorrect information about the clitoris, women spread ignorance about when and how women orgasm.

The clitoris was not discovered by heterosexuals. It was identified by scientists who observed that women who masturbate (to orgasm) do so by stimulating the clitoris (the internal organ by rubbing over the clitoral glans and either side of the labia). Orgasm relies on erotic turn-ons which are personal to the individual. The stimulation involved is supplied instinctively when mental arousal causes tumescence of the sex organ (penis or clitoris). Heterosexuals still show little interest in the clitoris despite all the publicity.

It is a misguided to think that promoting the clitoris will make any difference to anyone who does not already appreciate its role. The only impact will be that some men who want to pleasure a female lover may explore oral or manual stimulation of the clitoral glans (if a woman allows him to). It is also wrong to imply that women are aroused by stimulating the clitoral glans (which is what they are referring to when they talk of the clitoris). Mental arousal (which is required before genital stimulation makes any sense) depends on a person’s mind having the ability to respond to erotic stimuli.

Other women assume the sensations they feel from intercourse equate to orgasm. They feel justified in lecturing other women on how easy orgasm is. But they never discuss arousal or eroticism. In general women of all ages have very low expectations for sexual pleasure. It is a form of bullying to tell women that they should experience something that they are very obviously incapable of. Men pressure women to maximise their sexual opportunities, which is understandable given their sex drive. Female sex educators patronise other women out of ignorance and the desire to make money, which is much less forgivable. There is no ‘should’ about sexual pleasure.

Feminist educators tell young women that they should be less intent on pleasing men. Just exactly what does everyone think women have been doing since the dawn of time? Girls are advised to be sexually daring and self-confident. This sends contradictory messages to girls. Are they supposed to be promiscuous or should they aspire to a loving relationship? Some girls feel pressured by the implication that they are supposed to enjoy sex. They are pressured into offering fellatio and accepting anal sex.

When a woman admits a lack of orgasm, she is told to find another man. It’s as if we are telling girls they should approach life as an endless quest for a man who can ‘make them orgasm’. There is little concern voiced over the risks of pregnancy, sexual disease and the emotional upset that go with promiscuity. There is a view that adults only ever engage in sexual activity that ends with their own orgasm. Where would the human race be today, if women behaved like this? The idea that women can enjoy an emotional connection and giving pleasure doesn’t appeal. It’s not macho enough.

When it is suggested that young women should be encouraged to enjoy sexual pleasure, the idea is strongly opposed by many mothers. Mothers know from experience that women do not obtain the same pleasure from sex that men do. Even with reliable contraception, there are many occasions when a couple is caught unprepared. Men are often unwilling to use a condom because it reduces their pleasure. Mothers don’t want their daughters getting pregnant while providing male pleasure.

We will never be able to protect girls, if we are not honest about what they can expect from their sexual experiences. Images of female nudity on the internet give the impression that women are offering sex but many images are posted by men. Most of the money in the sex industry is made by men. Even women, who are promoting a sexual image of themselves, are not looking for erotic turn-ons for themselves (such as images of male nudity) or opportunities to enjoy their own orgasm. Girls need to appreciate this. Any woman who wants intercourse, can find it easily enough. It’s only when women try to make money out of men that they need to advertise.

And yet, too many folks choke on the fact of innate gender differences in libido. Feminists equate a lower sex drive with inferiority. Feminism equates a vigorous libido with a healthy, even dominant ego. (Joan Sewell 2010)