Home Social aspects of sexuality Sexual pleasuring Why women do not orgasm from cunnilingus

Why women do not orgasm from cunnilingus

Kinsey established that the clitoris was the female sex organ. But it has not been accepted as the source of female orgasm by men or even by women themselves. Even with all the publicity the clitoris has had, heterosexual women still have little awareness of it. The indisputable anatomical evidence that the clitoris is the equivalent organ to the penis, is simply ignored.

Misunderstandings over cunnilingus arise primarily because of the belief that women are aroused by the prospect of sexual activity exactly as men are. Before there is even a chance that stimulation might lead to orgasm, we have to be mentally aroused. The arousal technique a woman uses when masturbating alone (of using fantasy to put herself psychologically in the position of the penetrator) does not work with a lover.

Men are aroused in anticipation of penetration partly because of their sex drive but also because of the significant pleasure of penetrating a lover with an erect penis. The clitoris cannot be used to penetrate a lover nor is it an orifice that can be penetrated. This is why most heterosexual couples are unaware of its existence. Cunnilingus equates to sucking on a limp penis that remains flaccid throughout the activity. If a man was unaroused, stimulating his penile glans might also provide little pleasure.

The penis and the clitoris may start off the same in the early days of foetal development. But later the genital tubercle develops into two very different organs depending on the sex of the foetus. It’s not just that the penis is substantially bigger than the clitoris. What is confusing is that the clitoris is not immediately pleasurable to touch as the penis is. A man is acutely aware of his penis. Most women don’t even know that they have a clitoris. The clitoral glans has double the nerve endings of the penile glans. This means that manual stimulation of the clitoral glans by a lover is irritating or uncomfortable and can even be painful without lubrication.

Fellatio simulates the male experience of intercourse. The penis penetrates the vagina (a warm and wet environment very similar to the mouth), which explains why men enjoy fellatio. Men can easily orgasm by penetrating any body orifice(mouth, vagina or anus). A man’s corpora cavernosa are inside the penis and run the length of the shaft. Any stimulation of the shaft that replicates intercourse (by being warm and wet) is highly pleasurable. The sight of his erect penis penetrating an orifice is the greatest male turn-on.

Cunnilingus also emulates the male experience of intercourse. But the clitoris is not intended to penetrate a vagina. Neither does it have the sensitivity of the penis. The clitoral organ is largely internal and, even with mental arousal, it only ever becomes tumescent (not erect like the penis).

A woman’s corpora cavernosa are located inside the clitoral organ. Cunnilingus only stimulates the glans of the clitoris, which is not especially pleasurable to touch. During cunnilingus a lover’s tongue gently stimulates the tip of the clitoris in a wet and warm environment. But the clitoris is not an organ designed to penetrate a lover so it has little external sensitivity.

Female orgasm occurs as a result of massaging the blood flow within the internal organ (not the external glans or the labia). A responsive woman uses the fingers of both hands to firmly massage the internal organ by pressing down into the labia majora and squeezing with her pelvic muscles. The sensations of a lover’s tongue do not provide the kind of clitoral stimulation that causes female orgasm. So cunnilingus cannot cause orgasm.

The sensations of cunnilingus are quite diffuse and vague so there is little to object to. A woman may accept a man’s desire to pleasure her through cunnilingus even if she knows that orgasm is impossible. Eventually she stops him, which he may interpret as a woman signalling her satisfaction or orgasm. Cunnilingus is mildly pleasurable but it does not cause orgasm.

Some men go to prostitutes specifically to obtain the fellatio they can’t get at home. Women clearly do not offer fellatio as a routine part of their relationships. If cunnilingus is so pleasurable for women, it seems strange that they would not offer a lover the same pleasure. Women don’t pay for cunnilingus. Women do not demand or even ask for cunnilingus. Women rarely refer to sexual pleasure. Women are typically embarrassed by references to explicit genital stimulation. Cunnilingus is portrayed in porn as a male turn-on but it still lags behind intercourse in terms of popularity.

Some men offer cunnilingus because they enjoy extending their own arousal. This male desire to provide a woman with sexual pleasure causes much of the confusion over female orgasm. Some women may accept cunnilingus if a lover offers especially if they are aware of the belief that it is (erroneously) believed to cause female orgasm. Many more men talk about cunnilingus than women do. There is certainly no widespread discontent among women that there are men who are unwilling to provide cunnilingus.

… whereas 44 percent of the women orgasmed regularly with clitoral stimulation by hand, 42 percent orgasmed regularly during oral stimulation. (Shere Hite 1976)