Why women do not orgasm from cunnilingus

Kinsey established that the clitoris was the female sex organ. But it has not been accepted as the source of female orgasm by men or even by women. The clitoris does not respond as the penis does. So the indisputable anatomical evidence that the clitoris is the equivalent orgasm to the penis, is simply ignored. Even in modern times, with all the publicity the clitoris has had, heterosexual women still have little awareness of it.

The penis and the clitoris may start off the same in the early days of foetal development. But later the genital tubercle develops into two very different organs depending on the sex of the foetus. It’s not just that the penis is substantially bigger than the clitoris. What is confusing is that the clitoris is not immediately pleasurable to touch as the penis is. A man is acutely aware of his penis. Most women don’t even know that they have a clitoris.

Sociable activity is based on penetrative sex. But the clitoris cannot be used to penetrate a lover nor is it an orifice that can be penetrated. This is why most heterosexual couples are not even aware of its existence. The clitoral organ needs to be massaged by the fingers of both hands in a specific way. Orgasm occurs as a result of massaging the blood flow within the internal organ (not the glans or the labia). So cunnilingus does not cause orgasm.

Men are aroused in anticipation of penetration partly because of their sex drive but also because of the significant pleasure of penetrating a lover with an erect penis. Men can easily orgasm by penetrating the mouth, vagina or anus. For a man, the sight of his erect penis penetrating an orifice is perhaps the greatest turn-on of all. The penis penetrates the vagina (a warm and wet environment very similar to the mouth), which explains why men enjoy fellatio. Fellatio simulates the male experience of intercourse.

Cunnilingus also emulates the male experience of intercourse. But the clitoris is not intended to penetrate a vagina. Neither does it have the sensitivity of the penis. The arousal technique a woman uses when masturbating alone (of using fantasy to put herself psychologically in the position of the penetrator) does not work with a lover. Cunnilingus equates to sucking on a limp penis that remains flaccid throughout the activity. Hence why women feel very little physical sensations from cunnilingus.

A man’s corpora cavernosa are inside the penis and run the length of the shaft. Any stimulation of the shaft that replicates intercourse (by being warm and wet) is highly pleasurable. A woman’s corpora cavernosa are located inside the clitoral organ. Cunnilingus only stimulates the glans of the clitoris, which is not especially pleasurable to touch. If a man was unaroused, stimulating his glans might also provide little pleasure.

During cunnilingus a lover’s tongue gently stimulates the tip of the clitoris in a wet and warm environment. But the clitoris does not respond to a wet and warm environment in the way that the penis does. The sensations of a lover’s tongue do not provide the kind of clitoral stimulation that causes female orgasm. A woman needs to firmly massage the internal organ by pressing down into the labia majora and squeezing with her pelvic muscles.

A woman may accept a man’s desire to pleasure her through cunnilingus even if she knows that orgasm is impossible. Eventually she stops him, which he may interpret as a woman signalling her satisfaction or orgasm. Cunnilingus is mildly pleasurable but it does not cause orgasm. As with all sexual activity, women assume that orgasm is achieved purely through physical stimulation alone. To gain more credibility, women often explain their orgasms in terms of anatomy that has been suggested by researchers.

One of the reasons men go to prostitutes is to obtain oral sex. So women are clearly not offering fellatio as a routine part of their relationships. It seems strange if cunnilingus is so pleasurable for women that they would not offer a lover the same pleasure. Women don’t pay for cunnilingus.

The clitoris has not traditionally been part of heterosexual lovemaking being too explicit for most heterosexual women. Women can view intercourse as a ‘lovemaking’ act because of the non-specific genital stimulation via the coupling of coitus rather than through manual or oral contacts. Homosexuals focus on explicit genital stimulation because vaginal intercourse is not an option between two people of the same sex.

Women rarely refer to sexual pleasure of any kind but they are typically embarrassed by references to explicit genital stimulation. Most women prefer the term ‘lovemaking’ if they refer to sex at all. Misunderstandings over cunnilingus arise primarily because of the belief that women are aroused by the prospect of sexual activity exactly as men are. Cunnilingus is common in porn because it is a turn-on that assists with male orgasm.

… whereas 44 percent of the women orgasmed regularly with clitoral stimulation by hand, 42 percent orgasmed regularly during oral stimulation. (Shere Hite 1976)