HomeBiological aspects of sexualityAsking young women to define female sexuality

Asking young women to define female sexuality

Young women are naturally impressed by men’s greater confidence. They are full of romantic illusions and curiosity. They have the inexperience and the optimism of youth. It’s easy for a woman to give a man the pleasure he wants. Young women can’t understand why older women recommend modesty and restraint. They enjoy the novelty of being popular. Young women ignore older women’s advice, assuming that they resent the fact that men are aroused by younger women. Ultimately, young women are looking for a supportive mate. Meanwhile, they might as well enjoy being admired.

Young women anticipate sex must be amazingly pleasurable because their families and society try to protect them from it. They may hear about sexual pleasure through erotic fiction. They overlook the possibility that fiction is not always a true reflection of reality. Nor do they perhaps appreciate the significance of the fact that pornography and prostitution are both financed by male interest. This ignorance is further compounded because no one is willing to state the obvious conclusion that sex is primarily a male pleasure.

Just as young people continue to smoke (despite knowing it can kill), women are tempted to try sex (with all its risks) because of the implication that adult maturity is involved. They assume there must be some pleasure involved. Otherwise, why would adults do it? In truth adults, just like teenagers, do many stupid things. They do them to be accepted by their social group. They don’t always act wisely because they hope to be admired by others. Some people do completely crazy things because they think they are supposed to.

Young women are easily tempted to provide the sex that men want out of ego and because they are flattered by the attention they get from men. This is very natural. More experienced women appreciate that men promote their own sexual interests. As they age, by acquiring status or wealth and through education, women gain confidence and they accept that they expect other things from a relationship in exchange for offering regular intercourse. Mature women often feel under less pressure to provide men with sex.

Many men like to encourage young women to talk about orgasms that reflect male fantasies because they find such talk arousing. Some women enjoy boasting about orgasm because they learn that men admire them when they talk of orgasms. But encouraging women to refer to random emotional and sensual feelings as orgasm, causes confusion and distress for many others who use the term orgasm to describe a significant release of sexual tension.

Many young men see sex as a sport where women are trophies rather than people with emotional needs of their own. Fathers are well aware of this and try to protect their daughters from irresponsible men who have little concern for the reproductive risk women are exposed to in the name of love. Young men focus on obtaining their sexual release through intercourse. Women never experience this drive, or the frustration (when not available) or the release (when achieved). So women interpret men’s interest in them (at least initially) as being the same platonic interest that women feel for a lover.

In the presence of women, men can be embarrassed by pornographic images, knowing on some level that most women are offended by this crude and unrealistic portrayal of their sexuality. Some men support censorship to protect women’s sensitivities. Similarly, men may shelter their female relatives from the sexually graphic male mind. Men assume that the women they are attracted to differ from other women (such as female relatives). No man is attracted to every woman. Men naturally focus on young and attractive women for reproductive reasons. There has to be a mechanism that causes this to happen. The mental process of sexualising women helps ensure that heterosexual men are aroused by women (rather than by men or children).

Women’s conscious responses with a lover are driven by social attitudes. In the past it was considered unseemly for a woman to cooperate with intercourse. The idea that a woman might enjoy the activity put pressure on a man to continue intercourse for longer than he could. This is evidence that women’s responses with a lover involve conscious behaviours rather than spontaneous sexual responses. No one can suppress their responsiveness.

Most people, who are capable of rational thought, can figure out that sex is not a biological necessity for a woman. In Western society, the fact that women are naturally sexually passive (just as most men are naturally sexually proactive) has been quashed by a political desire to promote modern women as men’s sexual equals. Kinsey’s revelation (1950s) that women are capable of orgasm led to those with political motivations dominating public opinion and subverting common sense as well as science. Sexual ignorance in the media and easy access to pornography have all exacerbated this situation.

Research has tried to establish the anatomy involved in female orgasm. Researchers have proposed a variety of theories but none of them has been unanimously confirmed by couples in the general population. The fact that we have had to research this basic information is evidence that women are nothing like as responsive as men are (especially with a lover). It is inconceivable that women would not know what anatomy was involved if they routinely masturbated to orgasm. It is equally inconceivable that men would not know, if women responded to the point of orgasm with a lover. No research was necessary to establish the penis as the male sex organ.

Sexuality is shaped by culture and history. For example, a hundred years ago a woman who loved sex could be regarded as being mentally disturbed, whereas today if you don’t love sex you could end up being diagnosed as dysfunctional. (Bella Ellwood-Clayton)

Excerpt from Learn About Sexuality (ISBN 978-0956-894748)