Most people who are capable of rational thought can figure out that sex is not a biological necessity for a woman. In Western society the fact that women are naturally sexually passive (just as most men are naturally sexually proactive) has been quashed by a political desire to promote women as men’s sexual equals. Kinsey’s revelation (1950s) that women are capable of orgasm led to the political sections of society dominating public opinion and subverting common sense as well as science. Sexual ignorance in the media and easy access to pornography have all exacerbated this situation.
No research was necessary to establish the male sex organ. Men (and their lovers) know what anatomy is involved in male orgasm. But women (and their lovers) have not been able to identify the anatomy involved in female orgasm. Researchers have proposed a variety of theories but none of them has been unanimously confirmed by couples in the general population.
Women’s conscious responses with a lover are driven by social attitudes. In the past it was considered unseemly for a woman to cooperate with intercourse. The idea that a woman might enjoy the activity put pressure on a man to continue intercourse for longer than he could. This is evidence that women’s responses with a lover involve conscious behaviours rather than spontaneous sexual responses. No one can suppress responsiveness.
Young women assume sex must be amazingly pleasurable because their families and society try to protect them from it. They may hear about sexual pleasure through erotic fiction. They overlook the possibility that fiction is not always a true reflection of reality. Nor do they perhaps appreciate the significance of the fact that pornography and prostitution are both financed by male interest. This ignorance is further compounded because no one is willing to state the obvious conclusion that sex is primarily a male pleasure.
Just as young people continue to smoke (despite knowing it can kill), women are tempted to try sex (with all its risks) because of the implication that adult maturity is involved. They assume there must be some pleasure involved. Otherwise, why would adults do it? In truth adults, just like teenagers, do many stupid things. They do them to be accepted by their social group. They take unwise actions because they think they will be admired by others. Some do them because they think they are supposed to do these things.
In the presence of women, men are often embarrassed by pornographic images knowing on some level that most women are offended by this crude and unrealistic portrayal of their sexuality. Some men support censorship to protect women’s sensitivities. Similarly, men may shelter their female relatives from the sexually graphic male mind. Men assume that the women they are attracted to differ from other women (such as female relatives). No man is attracted to every woman. Men are interested in young and attractive women for reproductive reasons. There has to be a mechanism that causes this to happen. The mental process of sexualising women helps ensure that heterosexual men are aroused by women (instead of men or children).
Many young men see sex as a sport where women are trophies rather than people with emotional needs of their own. Fathers know this well and try to protect their daughters from irresponsible men who have little concern for the reproductive risk women are exposed to in the name of love. Young men focus on obtaining their sexual release through intercourse. Women never experience this drive, the frustration (when not available) and the release (when achieved). So women interpret men’s interest in them (at least initially) as being the same platonic interest that women feel for a lover.
Young women are naturally impressed by men’s greater confidence. They are full of romantic illusions and curiosity. They have the inexperience and the optimism of youth. It’s easy for a woman to give a man the pleasure he wants. Young women can’t understand why older women suggest modesty and restraint. They enjoy the novelty of their popularity with men. Young women ignore older women’s advice, assuming that their popularity with men is resented. Young women are ultimately looking for a supportive mate. But meanwhile, they might as well enjoy the novelty of being desired.
Young women are easily tempted to provide the sex that men want out of ego and because they are flattered by the attention they get from men. This is very natural. More experienced women appreciate that men promote their own sexual interests. As they age, by acquiring status or wealth and through education, women gain the confidence to accept that they want other things from a relationship in exchange for offering regular intercourse. Mature women no longer feel under less pressure to provide men with sex.
Some women learn that talk of easy orgasms makes them more attractive in the eyes of men. Many men think women should be encouraged to talk about female orgasms that reflect male fantasies because they find such talk arousing. But encouraging women to refer to random emotional and sensual feelings as orgasm, causes confusion and distress for many others who use the term orgasm to describe a significant release of sexual tension.
Sexuality is shaped by culture and history. For example, a hundred years ago a woman who loved sex could be regarded as being mentally disturbed, whereas today if you don’t love sex you could end up being diagnosed as dysfunctional. (Bella Ellwood-Clayton 2013)