Asking young women to define female sexuality

Scientists have suggested various anatomy that might be involved in female orgasm. No research was necessary to establish the male sex organ. Men know (and their lovers know) what anatomy is involved in male orgasm. Scientists proposed theories about female sexual anatomy because women themselves (and their lovers) did not know. Despite the variety of theories, none of them has been unanimously confirmed by women.

Orgasm does not encapsulate all of the erotic, sensual and emotional pleasures men enjoy from sex. Men are not motivated by orgasm itself (which ends their enjoyment of engaging in sexual activity) but by the rewards of engaging in intercourse. Men obtain an optimal sexual release from penetrating and ejaculating into another person’s body. Men clearly want more than orgasm from sex, otherwise they would masturbate and be done. Yet orgasm is used to encapsulate all of women’s sexual pleasure.

Young women assume sex must be amazingly pleasurable because their families and society try to protect them from it. They may hear about sexual pleasure through erotic fiction. Naturally they overlook the possibility that fiction might not be the same as reality. Nor do they perhaps appreciate the significance of the fact that pornography and prostitution are both primarily enjoyed by men. This ignorance is further compounded because no one is willing to state the fact that sex is primarily a male pleasure.

Just as young people continue to smoke (despite knowing it kills), women are tempted to try sex (with all its risks) because of the association with adulthood. They also assume there must be some pleasure involved. Otherwise, why would adults do it? In truth adults, just like teenagers, do many stupid things. They do them to be accepted by their social group. They do them because they think they will be admired by others. They do them because they think they are supposed to do these things.

Women worldwide make money out of promoting sex either through the sex industry or sex therapy. There is nothing wrong with women promoting sex as a wonderful experience. What is wrong is when they use the word ‘orgasm’ to describe those experiences. They are referring to emotional and sensual sensations at best. This needs to be made clear. Anyone who has an orgasm can account for the anatomy and erotic turn-ons involved.

Naturally young women are impressed by men’s confidence. They are full of romantic illusions and curiosity because of inexperience and the optimism of youth. Young women are looking for a supportive mate. They enjoy the novelty of their popularity with men. Older women appreciate that men are promoting their own sexual interests. Young women ignore older women’s advice, assuming that their popularity with men is resented. Fathers try to protect their daughters from irresponsible young men.

For reproductive reasons most men need to be attracted to young and healthy women (most of the time). There must be a mechanism that causes this to happen. The mental process of sexualising women causes men to prefer intercourse with women (rather than men or children). But as with all sexual differentiation, not everyone has the same sexual preferences.

A man differentiates between the women he considers to be sexual (young, attractive and easily impressed) and older women. Men need to believe that the women they are attracted to differ from their female relatives. But they can be embarrassed by these images of sexual women from pornography, recognising on some level that real women are offended by such a crude portrayal of their sexuality. Men like to attribute sexual phenomenon to female anatomy as part of their arousal process. Men define women’s sexuality in terms of their willingness to encourage male arousal and to be amenable to intercourse. As they age, women have less motivation to behave in ways that are assumed to indicate a woman’s sexual amenability.

If women had a positive experience of sex, then older women would be more amenable than young women. Older women are less amenable because they have learned from experience. They are more confident and more outspoken about the conclusions they have drawn after decades of experience. Women are more confident about admitting that intercourse does not cause orgasm as they age, by acquiring status or wealth and through education. Women who have intellectual confidence, are emotionally self-sufficient and who have financial independence tend to be less sexually willing. Mature women no longer need to depend on men for support. They feel under less pressure to provide the sex men need.

Women represent a particular educational challenge because they are not nearly as curious as men are about sexual phenomena. Women often fail to realise that they are ignorant of the specifics of sexual response. They carefully avoid any sexual content whether fictional or otherwise. Women rarely participate in any kind of informed sexual discussion. They assume that their romantic and emotional interpretations of sex can substitute for knowledge of how sexual arousal and orgasm are achieved in reality.

Sexuality is shaped by culture and history. For example, a hundred years ago a woman who loved sex could be regarded as being mentally disturbed, whereas today if you don’t love sex you could end up being diagnosed as dysfunctional. (Bella Ellwood-Clayton 2013)