Home Intellectual aspects of sexuality The sexual mind The erotic pleasure a man enjoys from sex

The erotic pleasure a man enjoys from sex

Men typically initiate sex and they masturbate much more frequently than women do. If male sex drive only involved a desire for orgasm, then men could settle for masturbation instead of sex. Men have a reproductive or biological drive that means they need intercourse for the best sexual release.

For a man, the action of thrusting into a lover’s body produces a strong sense of erotic pleasure and emotional reassurance. This is about being accepted and interpreting the act of penetration as one that arouses a lover. Ejaculation happens but isn’t the goal. The fact that a man is accepted as a penetrator is much more emotionally rewarding. Quick or mechanical sex doesn’t produce these responses. Masturbation doesn’t get anywhere close.

When it comes to an opportunity for penetrative sex, a highly sexed man’s arousal is so easily triggered that he has to concentrate on trying not to get triggered inappropriately. Once triggered, a man feels an overpowering adrenaline rush. It’s massively exciting and very difficult to resist. A man is conscious of his raised pulse rate and a wave of energy that is indescribable. If we compare the feeling with drinking, it is like feeling the wave of sensation across the brain as the body absorbs the alcohol. A man’s sexual response happens much faster and is considerably more powerful. It may equate perhaps more to the intense and instant euphoria of intravenous drugs.

Penetration itself involves a further boost of excitement and adrenaline. The initial entry is exquisite but doesn’t last long. It is soon replaced by a soothing and pleasurable experience of being totally enveloped. Some men look for emotional reassurance and sexual acceptance. At this point a partner’s subconscious physiological response becomes significant. Through his penis, a man can feel a woman’s body responding in terms of pelvic muscle response and the nature of her vaginal secretions changes as he penetrates her. It is amazing how much physical feedback the vagina gives the penis.

These responses a man feels are physical responses that occur within a woman’s body. Her body produces vaginal lubrication subconsciously in anticipation of intercourse. But she feels almost nothing either physically or erotically from intercourse. She is not conscious of any mental arousal. A man interprets her physical response according to his own experience of erotic arousal. He is most likely feeling his own sensual and emotional reactions to how he interprets his lover’s responses. The fact that a woman offers sex, that she is amenable or affectionate makes him feel loved. But these responses depend on a man giving back in the wider relationship.

A man’s sex drive is unaffected by relationship issues. A man is attracted foremost by a partner’s physical appearance. He needs to know nothing about a person’s personality, whether she is interesting or kind. His prime concern is that she will be amenable to offering him intercourse. A man gives little thought to what a woman might want in return. Some men convince themselves that intercourse is a gift that men bestow on women. When a man can’t get an erection, he has no interest in sexual activity of any kind.

A young man tends to be fully absorbed in his own performance. Over time some men come to expect a sign of female appreciation during intercourse. A woman can be a good lover by taking an active role and providing erotic feedback in the form of encouraging noises, verbal sex-talk and by co-operating with intercourse and thereby assisting with penile stimulation. This is the reassurance a man hopes for that his performance is appreciated. A man wants a lover who understands a man’s desire to live out his fantasies. Occasionally a man hopes a woman will share his enjoyment of eroticism by watching porn movies together, by indulging in sex play that is more adventurous than intercourse, by exploring the use of sex toys or different sensations and by having sex in different places or in different positions.

Sex is a male pleasure. A man enjoys the sensuality of a woman’s nudity and the erotic pleasure of penetrating her body. Men stimulate women because it assists with their arousal. They enjoy sex chat, again because it assists with their own arousal. Women do not respond to the same kind of erotic stimuli that arouse men. So men do not provide erotic turn-ons for women. Men do not dress up in sexy underwear or provide provocative sexual come-ons.

Men can feel ashamed of their urges because women are often offended by the crudeness of the anatomy and the sexual activities that arouse men. Carnal desire includes the crude eroticism of sexual activity with a partner. If a man is behind the woman during intercourse, he has a view of the genital action that optimises his own sexual arousal. A man’s desire to enjoy eroticism (the turn-ons of seeing a lover’s genitals and the sexual act) is often at odds with a woman’s desire to experience intercourse as a loving act.

There is nothing wrong with men’s sexual instincts. It is just that women are not aroused in the same way, so they don’t understand the pleasure of the adrenaline rush and the sexual release. A man does not see intercourse as a selfish pleasure but rather as an act of worship of a woman’s body that arouses him. Ideally intercourse involves full body interaction with a lover who is (at least apparently) in tune with an appreciation of the eroticism of the act from the male perspective. Men want a lover to admire or accept their ability to achieve an erection and to ejaculate. Many men hope for a lover who can enjoy a variety of scenarios and enjoy some erotic fun together. Adventurous sex play for a woman is like playing a game that involves providing the ideal lover in line with a man’s fantasies (as portrayed in porn).

“Who wants to have sex for eight hours?” Ask a dude. Ask even a tired dude. No contest. (Joan Sewell)