Friday, July 19, 2019
Home Intellectual aspects of sexuality The sexual mind The erotic pleasure a man enjoys from sex

The erotic pleasure a man enjoys from sex

A man’s sex drive is unaffected by relationship issues. A man is attracted foremost by a partner’s physical appearance. He needs to know nothing about a person’s personality, whether she is interesting or kind. His only concern is that she will be amenable to offering him intercourse. A man gives little thought to what a woman might want in return. Some men convince themselves that intercourse is a gift that men bestow on women. If a man can’t get an erection, he has no interest in sexual activity of any kind.

Sex is a male pleasure. A man enjoys the sensuality of a woman’s nudity and the erotic pleasure of penetrating her body. Men stimulate women because it assists with their arousal. They enjoy sex chat, again because it assists with their own arousal. Women do not respond to the same kind of erotic stimuli that arouse men. So men do not provide erotic turn-ons for women. Men do not dress up in a sexy underwear or provide sexual come-ons.

Prostitutes must have more sexual experience than even the most promiscuous of men. But a prostitute is never called a great lover. Men attribute all the skill and the effort of intercourse to themselves rather than to a woman. Men assume that women are merely the ungrateful recipients of the amazing sexual pleasure that men work so hard to deliver. Men’s arousal and their sex drive causes them to focus on their own performance.

Men typically initiate sex and they masturbate much more frequently than women do. If male sex drive only involved a desire for orgasm, then men could settle for masturbation instead of sex. Men have a reproductive or biological drive that means they need intercourse for the best sexual release. Men do not like it when another man finds their partner attractive because they understand the strength of male sex drive. They know exactly what is going through a man’s mind when he looks at an attractive woman.

There can be a crude eroticism to sexual activity. At its most positive this is the enjoyment of erotic pleasure (with or without orgasm). If a man is behind the woman during intercourse, he has a view of the genital action that optimises his own arousal. So a man’s desire to enjoy eroticism (the turn-ons of viewing a lover’s genitals and the sexual act) is often at odds with a woman’s desire to experience intercourse as a loving act. Women are offended by the crudeness of the anatomy and activity that arouse men.

Over time intercourse can become a mechanical act. It is neither erotic nor loving. This happens in long-term sexual relationships where intimacy is lost. Over decades together a couple needs to invest in open communication if they are to keep their sex life alive. A woman wants a lover to caress and kiss her. If a man rolls off and falls asleep, a woman feels he has used her vagina but not given her the affection that she wants.

Men can feel ashamed of their urges because of the disgust women often express over sexual phenomena. There is nothing wrong with men’s sexual instincts. Most women never experience arousal, so they don’t understand.

Men are looking for emotional reassurance and sexual acceptance. They want a lover to appreciate their erection and their ability to ejaculate. A man does not see intercourse as a selfish pleasure but rather as an act of worship of a woman’s body and her ability to arouse him. Ideally intercourse involves full body interaction with a lover who is (at least apparently) mentally in tune with the eroticism of the act from the male perspective.

A young man tends to be fully absorbed by his own performance. Over time men want to feel appreciated sexually, which involves a woman responding lovingly and affectionately. Men are not truly interested in female orgasm. A woman can be a good lover by taking an active role and providing erotic feedback in the form of encouraging noises, verbal sex-talk and by co-operating with intercourse and thereby assisting with penile stimulation.

A man hopes for a lover who has some appreciation of sexual pleasuring techniques and who understands a man’s desire to live out his fantasies. Occasionally a man hopes a woman will share his enjoyment of eroticism by watching porn movies together, by indulging in sex play that is more adventurous than intercourse, by exploring the use of sex toys or different sensations and by having sex in different places or in different positions.

Women complain about the way men express their sexual urges as being too sexually explicit, crude and even obscene. Yet men are lucky in some ways. They are aroused by simple body parts and concepts, such as a women’s sexual amenability. Women need much more disturbing concepts if they are to achieve orgasm through masturbation. Arousal tends to rely on BDSM concepts and the idea of inflicting penetration on someone.

But the issue for women is that the male penetrator is the person who enjoys the pleasure. The female role is the victim and the person who has to endure the pain. This is one of the key reasons why sexual activity (intercourse in particular) and eroticism are likely to remain taboo in society. Most people (especially women) are most comfortable with a portrayal of intercourse as a lovemaking act. Few people are willing to confront the issue of the moral conflict involved in arousal and eroticism.

“Who wants to have sex for eight hours?” Ask a dude. Ask even a tired dude. No contest. (Joan Sewell 2010)