Our society provides no sex education. The magazine articles, we glance at occasionally, regurgitate the same old wives’ tales. We rely on so-called sex experts not because they have special knowledge or experience but just because so few people are willing to talk about sex in public. Despite the universal silence from women on sexual topics and even though faking is a catchword for women reassuring men’s ego, no one questions the bravado. Most women are silent to avoid conflict. Some are politically astute enough to say only what will benefit them. Many women feel threatened by unrealistic male expectations that they cannot possibly fulfil. Others are either too frightened, ignorant, inexperienced or embarrassed to question. This embarrassment suits those who make money out of sexual ignorance.
Incredibly it is assumed everyone has the intellect, experience and emotional detachment needed to understand sexuality. It is assumed that because most people have sex, everyone understands what they are doing and why. This is like saying that since we all have to eat, of course, everyone has a thorough knowledge of nutrition and the necessary culinary skills to prepare a healthy meal. An objective researcher is very different to the uninformed consumer, who bases their opinions on their interpretation of their own experiences.
No one ever talks honestly and explicitly about their sexual experiences. Our so-called sexual knowledge is based almost entirely on erotic fiction. Our confidence in our ignorance is reinforced by the bravado of others. But this is a closed loop. We all repeat and assume what everyone else repeats and assumes. Yet everyone has the impression that we know all there is to know.
A comprehensive sex education should expose the emotional beliefs that cause many people to prefer sexual ignorance over sexual knowledge. Men are typically intent on confirming their fantasies, which constitute a justification for sex. Some women insist on being portrayed in way that is attractive to men. The highly emotional nature of sex makes it difficult to accept facts and logic even when these indicate that our intuition is wrong.
Understanding sexuality includes a discussion of sexual anatomy, reproduction and responsiveness. Everyone has a phallus but only a man can enjoy the pleasures of penetrating a lover. Men orgasm much more commonly and more frequently than women. Men associate sex with erotic pleasure while most women associate sex with a relationship and family.
Understanding sexuality includes a discussion of consent, the mating act and the value of non-sexual intimacy. Sex is foremost about the mating act we see in Nature. Intercourse is a demonstration of a man’s virility and his arousal cycle (from erection to ejaculation). Women typically need to feel an emotional attachment for a lover before sexual activity feels appropriate.
Understanding sexuality includes a discussion of our enjoyment of fantasies, masturbation and how orgasm is achieved regardless of gender and orientation. Very few women have the ability to respond to erotic stimuli in a way that allows a woman to access her subconscious arousal. Responsive women discover orgasm by focusing on fantasies during masturbating alone.
Understanding sexuality includes a discussion of intimate relationships, the sex industry and sexual pleasuring. For men, intercourse is an erotic act that provides their sexual release and pleasure. Some men engage in foreplay to extend their own arousal. A woman may interpret male lovemaking as a demonstration of a man’s sexual admiration and his commitment to her.
Learn About Sexuality presents the precedents for responsiveness and explanations for men and women’s behaviours. It puts our sexuality in perspective relative to the rest of Nature, especially mammals and primates. A sex education includes interpreting the research that has been done. We can use men and women’s sexual behaviours and factual evidence to assess these findings. By applying a little common sense, we can appreciate some of the issues that led to the wrong conclusions. We need to take into account sexual politics as well as the fantasies and assumptions of sexual ignorance.
If it is to be trusted, sex information should present both the negative and the positive aspects of sexuality in a constructive way. Sex education needs to present an unbiased picture of the different perspectives of men and women, heterosexuals and homosexuals, in such a way as to fairly represent both sides. Sex information should be objective and clearly expressed (avoiding slang and medical jargon) to gain as wide an audience as possible.
Learn About Sexuality differentiates between the behaviours that women employ (to arouse men) and orgasm, which occurs (when the erectile organ is stimulated) as an instinctive mental response to erotic stimuli. The book and website provide parents, teachers, adults and children with the appropriate material to build an understanding of some of the sexual issues associated with intimate relationships that may arise throughout our lives.
Despite all the supposed support for sex education, there is little in practice. We cannot legislate for sex education in the sense of insisting that everyone agrees on the facts and logic involved. Education depends on an individual’s ability to accept the conclusions of others. Regardless of our own personal experiences, anyone can benefit from a sex education. It helps protect us from being intimidated or confidence-tricked by others in sexual scenarios.
The scientist who investigates sexual behaviour seems under especial obligation to make his findings available to the maximum number of persons, for there are few aspects of human biology with which more persons are more often concerned. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)
Excerpt from Learn About Sexuality (ISBN 978-0956-894748)