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Intercourse & orgasm

My work makes clear HOW and WHEN women orgasm. In this You-tube video I provide 10 facts explaining why intercourse has nothing to do with female orgasm.

If any of us receive a sex education (which most of us do not), the explanations given rarely go further than the basic so-called facts of life. We are told about intercourse and the mechanics of reproduction. If we are really lucky, we are told about contraception and sexual disease. But who talks explicitly about orgasm? Sex is always presented as a mutual pleasure.

Presumably women, who think they have orgasms with a lover, are happy with what they have. The rare women who talk about orgasm have no interest in discussing any other aspect of sexuality. Their motivation centres on having their claims accepted. They never provide the explicit detail that might demonstrate an appreciation of eroticism. Any woman who raises the issue of a lack of orgasm is unpopular with her own sex because by highlighting her experience, she calls into question the orgasms women think they have. Sex education needs to be factual regardless of anyone’s need for reassurance. In the light of women’s behaviours, there are inconsistencies that need to be explained. Women need to use facts and logic to explain how they orgasm in circumstances that defy common sense.

Only men ever discuss female orgasm openly and confidently. So it’s no wonder that sex education and pornography are essentially the same thing. The sexual revolution suggested that men’s role included helping a woman to enjoy sex as much as a man does. These fantasies, myths and ignorance cause women and their partners to doubt their own experiences and make them feel inadequate. There are many women who never orgasm even alone. Individual women interpret their experiences so differently that it is almost impossible for one woman to relate to another. The reality of sex is so far removed from how it is portrayed in fictional media that most women prefer to say nothing. Any woman who questions her sexual experiences is told there is something wrong with her. Sex education needs to offer rational explanations rather than tell women that they should orgasm with a lover.

Millions of people never comment on sexual topics. We only ever hear the opinions of the highly vocal political minority who are not interested in science or even common sense. They have political objectives which involve asserting that women have the same sexual motivations as men. Men promote or accept this view because they want women to be sexually amenable. Women promote or accept this view because they are flattered by the male sexual admiration. But women only want platonic admiration. They don’t want male sexual advances. This is where the confusion starts.

Men enjoy talking about turn-ons because doing so arouses them. But this talk centres on fantasies rather than reality. Few people, even men, can talk honestly about sex. Men talk much more freely about sex among themselves than when there are women around. Women are offended rather than aroused by the erotic images and crude sexual references that men enjoy. But also what is erotic for one person may be offensive to the next. There are the two contradictory attitudes towards sex that exist side by side in heterosexual society. Officially everyone agrees that enjoying sexual pleasure is part of being a healthy and emotionally well-balanced person. This is the male view that promotes sex as a positive and erotic experience.

At the same time no one is willing to be associated with sexual content for fear of being labelled a pervert. References to a ‘dirty weekend’ or ‘smut’ reflect women’s perspective. This is the female view that considers eroticism to be dirty and obscene. Men do not think negatively of sex and eroticism because of their arousal. Wherever women are present, sexual content is banned. In public women insist that they enjoy sex as much as men do. This deceit over female sexuality means that we cannot confront the issues. Most women refuse to comment. Women also ensure that they are protected from male sexual advances and images that are graphically erotic. Even images portraying partial nudity or implied sexual activity cause offense.

Sexologists promote their theories about female orgasm like gospel they have been told never to question. No one ever challenges these theories nor is there any supporting evidence for them. Modern sex research makes no attempt to indicate the relevance of findings to the whole population. There is no justification of the qualifications of the researchers, of the political or scientific aims of the funders of the research or of the way in which the sample is selected (whether it is representative of the general population). Findings from tiny samples are promoted as if they apply to everyone.

Silence is an advantage in sexual relationships because neither side needs to admit their motives. Women’s insistence on privacy means that they are never required to explain how they achieve orgasm. But it is easy to show that most women have no idea what is involved in responsiveness. They are just reflecting the sexual ignorance in the society around them. Yet because of male support no one challenges these orgasm claims. My work aims to expose this ignorance. I ask heterosexuals to explain explicitly how women achieve arousal and orgasm with a lover. I am pointing out that women rarely explicitly talk about sexual pleasure at all. What we call eroticism is defined purely by male turn-ons. I am suggesting that women’s so-called sexual pleasure revolves more around emotional rather than erotic stimuli.

Women can use sex to get what they want. Men cannot, as sex is what they want. (BBC blog 2003)