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The idea that intercourse should cause female orgasm

My work makes clear HOW and WHEN women orgasm. In this You-tube video I provide 10 facts explaining why intercourse has nothing to do with female orgasm.

If any of us receive a sex education (which most of us do not), the explanations given rarely go further than the basic so-called facts of life. We are told about intercourse and the mechanics of reproduction. If we are really lucky, we are told about contraception and sexual disease. But who talks explicitly about orgasm? Sex is always presented as a mutual pleasure.

In the light of women’s behaviours, there are inconsistencies that need to be explained. The rare women who talk about orgasm have no interest in discussing any other aspect of sexuality. Their motivation centres on having their claims accepted. They never provide the explicit detail that might provide evidence of a response to eroticism. Women need to use facts and logic to explain how they orgasm in circumstances that defy common sense.

Only men ever discuss female orgasm openly and confidently. So it’s no wonder that sex education and pornography are essentially the same thing. The sexual revolution suggested that men’s role included helping a woman to enjoy sex as much as a man does. These fantasies, myths and ignorance cause women and their partners to doubt their own experiences and make them feel inadequate. The vast majority of women never orgasm even alone. The reality of sex is so far removed from how it is portrayed in fictional media that most women prefer to say nothing. Any woman who questions her sexual experiences is told there is something wrong with her. Individual women interpret their experiences so differently that it is almost impossible for one woman to relate to another. Sex education needs to offer rational explanations rather than tell women that they should orgasm with a lover.

Millions of people never comment on sexual topics. We only ever hear the opinions of the highly vocal political minority who are not interested in science or even common sense. They have political objectives which involve asserting that women have the same sexual motivations as men. Men promote this view hoping it will encourage women to be amenable to intercourse. Women promote or accept this view because they are flattered by the male sexual admiration. But women only want platonic admiration. They don’t want male sexual advances. This is where the confusion starts.

There are the two contradictory attitudes towards sex that exist side by side in heterosexual society. Officially everyone agrees that enjoying sexual pleasure is part of being a healthy and emotionally well-balanced person. This is the male view that promotes sex as a positive and erotic experience. But men talk much more freely about sex among themselves than when there are women around. Women are offended rather than aroused by the erotic images and crude sexual references that men enjoy. But also what is erotic for one person may be offensive to the next. Men enjoy talking about turn-ons because doing so arouses them. But this talk centres on fantasies rather than reality. Few people, even men, can talk honestly about sex.

Women who otherwise take no interest in any aspect of sexuality, will vehemently defend the apparent responsiveness of women portrayed in erotic fiction. Yet there are no research findings to support these fantasies. Neither are there any logical explanations or facts that build a consistent story. This is why no society provides a comprehensive account of human sexuality. We like to see ourselves as intellectual beings but human beings are foremost political beings. Female sexuality has been defined by men. This is not just because men have set out to persuade women to engage in intercourse. It is also because few women ever comment on the topic due to a lack of confidence in their sexual experiences. The male view is more appealing and can be used to a woman’s advantage. This is the deceit of sex. While the silence over sex continues, we will never understand our sexuality.

Many women feel undermined by the sexual images of women that are freely promoted in heterosexual society. These cause a woman to feel like an object of sexual gratification rather than a respected person (like a man). Wherever women are present, sexual content is banned. Even images portraying partial nudity or implied sexual activity cause offense. Women expect men to respect their sensitivities by refraining from making sexual references in their presence. No one is willing to be associated with sexual content for fear of being labelled a pervert. References to a ‘dirty weekend’ or ‘smut’ reflect women’s perspective. This is the female view that considers eroticism to be disgusting and obscene. Men never view sex or eroticism in a negative light. People avoid being linked to sex-related topics in order to obtain women’s approval. In public women insist that they enjoy sex as much as men do. This contradiction means that we cannot confront the issues.

Silence is an advantage in sexual relationships because neither side needs to admit their motives. Women’s insistence on privacy means that they are never required to explain how they achieve orgasm. But it is easy to show that most women have no idea what is involved in responsiveness. They are just reflecting the sexual ignorance in the society around them. Yet because of male support, no one challenges these orgasm claims. My work aims to expose this ignorance. I ask couples to explain explicitly how women achieve arousal and orgasm with a lover. I am pointing out that women rarely explicitly talk about sexual pleasure. What we call eroticism is defined by male turn-ons. I am suggesting that women’s sexual pleasure depends on emotional stimuli rather than erotic stimuli. My work is necessary because sexologists today promote political ideals rather provide logical explanations.

If you really think about why vaginal stimulation matters so much, it’s because it puts the focus on male pleasure. (Emily Nagoski)