Intercourse & orgasm

My work makes clear HOW and WHEN women orgasm. In this You-tube video I provide 10 facts explaining why intercourse has nothing to do with female orgasm.

If any of us receive a sex education (which most of us do not), the explanations given rarely go further than the basic ‘facts of life’. We are told about intercourse and the mechanics of reproduction. If we are really lucky, we are told about contraception and sexual disease. But who talks explicitly about orgasm? Sex is always presented as a mutual pleasure.

Some women, on a political quest for equality, insist that women can be just as independent, adventurous and dare-devil as men. Of course, they can. But few want to. When I have worked, travelled the world and done crazy things I have seen few women doing the same. Most women are amazed to see a woman do more than cook, clean and care for a family.

Sex brings many negative aspects that never affect men. Women encounter abuse, harassment and pain fairly routinely. Sexual pleasure, which focuses on male gratification, has negative connotations for women. The sex industry is associated with the exploitation and degradation of women. Women fake orgasm & men take the credit. It’s just ego & bravado on both sides. This is the deceit of sex and explains why people don’t like the facts.

There are the two contradictory attitudes towards sex that exist side by side in heterosexual society. Officially everyone agrees that enjoying sexual pleasure is part of being a healthy and emotionally well-balanced person. This is the effect of the male view that promotes sex as a positive and erotic experience. So in public, women insist that of course they enjoy sex.

At the same time no one is willing to be associated with sexual content for fear that they are labelled a sex pervert. This is the female view that considers sexual references and eroticism to be ‘dirty’ and obscene. So in public men will support efforts to ensure that sexual content is censored in mainstream society so that women’s sensitivities are protected.

Few people, even men, can talk openly about sex. It would seem that it is difficult for anyone to talk about their innermost urges and desires. We don’t like to bare our souls. Men talk much more freely about sex among themselves than when there are women around. Men enjoy talking about turn-ons because it arouses them. Women are much less responsive than men. But also what is erotic for one person may be offensive to the next. Women are typically offended by sexual images and references. Many men do not like the idea that other men be aroused by their female relatives.

Male fantasies cause women to doubt their own experiences and make them feel inadequate. The reality of sex is so far removed from how it is portrayed in fictional media that most women prefer to say nothing. Any woman who questions her sexual experiences is told there is something wrong with her. Individual women interpret their experiences so differently that it is almost impossible for one woman to relate to another.

Only men ever discuss female orgasm openly and confidently. So it’s no wonder that sex education and pornography are essentially the same thing. Men believe that cunnilingus causes female orgasm. But where does this belief come from? It doesn’t come from research findings. Cunnilingus is clearly associated with pornography rather than women’s sexual pleasure. Men are just spreading old wives’ tales, fantasies, myths and ignorance.

The research findings confirm that women are much less responsive than men. Yet even when women ask about a lack of orgasm, no one offers them this finding. So many couples are frustrated when female orgasm doesn’t occur as they think it should. Every year millions of dollars are paid to the sex therapy profession by a trusting public in the hope of finding an answer to female arousal. Millions of women worldwide assume there must be something wrong with them. Men are blissfully unaware of the trauma their fantasies cause. To many men this is simply good fun. A joke even.

The rare women who talk about orgasm have no interest in discussing any other aspect of sexuality. Their motivation appears to centre on obtaining acknowledgement that their orgasms are real. They think their claims should be accepted because they reference specific anatomy. They never provide the kind of explicit detail that might demonstrate an appreciation of eroticism. In the light of women’s behaviours, there are inconsistencies that need to be explained. Foremost women need to use facts and logic to explain how they orgasm in circumstances that defy all common sense.

It’s very evident that most accounts of female orgasm are complete fiction. But as soon as men hear of any hint of female arousal, they can’t think straight. The rarity of such accounts makes them a huge male turn-on. No one is interested in accounts of male orgasm, which is not a female turn-on because it occurs so reliably. This fraud could be revealed immediately if the women who claim such experiences were obliged to explain how they do it. It would be transparent to anyone of any intelligence that they have no idea what is involved in true responsiveness. They are simply reflecting the sexual ignorance in the society around them. Yet because of male support and an insistence on respecting women’s privacy no one challenges these stories. My work aims to expose this ignorance.

Women can use sex to get what they want. Men cannot, as sex is what they want. (BBC blog 2003)