Intercourse & orgasm

My work makes clear HOW and WHEN women orgasm. In this You-tube video I provide 10 facts explaining why intercourse has nothing to do with female orgasm.

If any of us receive a sex education (which most of us do not), the explanations given rarely go further than the basic so-called facts of life. We are told about intercourse and the mechanics of reproduction. If we are really lucky, we are told about contraception and sexual disease. But who talks explicitly about orgasm? Sex is always presented as a mutual pleasure.

The rare women who talk about orgasm have no interest in discussing any other aspect of sexuality. Their motivation centres on having their claims accepted. They never provide the explicit detail that might demonstrate an appreciation of eroticism. In the light of women’s behaviours, there are inconsistencies that need to be explained. Women need to use facts and logic to explain how they orgasm in circumstances that defy common sense.

Individual women interpret their experiences so differently that it is almost impossible for one woman to relate to another. The reality of sex is so far removed from how it is portrayed in fictional media that most women prefer to say nothing. Any woman who questions her sexual experiences is told there is something wrong with her. Men are blissfully unaware of the trauma their fantasies cause. Millions of women worldwide think they are supposed to respond to sex as men do. To many men this is good fun. A joke even.

Only men ever discuss female orgasm openly and confidently. So it’s no wonder that sex education and pornography are essentially the same thing. Men believe that cunnilingus causes female orgasm. But where does this belief come from? It doesn’t come from research findings. Cunnilingus is clearly associated with pornography rather than women’s sexual pleasure. Men are spreading fantasies, myths and ignorance. These fantasies cause women to doubt their own experiences and make them feel inadequate.

Men talk much more freely about sex among themselves than when there are women around. Women are offended rather than aroused by the erotic images and crude sexual references that men enjoy. But also what is erotic for one person may be offensive to the next. Men enjoy talking about turn-ons because doing so arouses them. But this talk centres on fantasies rather than reality. Few people, even men, can talk honestly about sex. We avoid disclosing our innermost urges and desires. We don’t like to bare our souls.

There are the two contradictory attitudes towards sex that exist side by side in heterosexual society. Officially everyone agrees that enjoying sexual pleasure is part of being a healthy and emotionally well-balanced person. This is the male view that promotes sex as a positive and erotic experience.

Female sexuality is clearly quite different to male sexuality but no one can articulate the differences because someone will always object. Millions of people never comment on sexual topics. We only ever hear the opinions of the highly vocal political minority. Such people are not interested in science or even common sense. They have political objectives which involve asserting that women have the same sexual motivations as men. Men promote or accept this view because they want women to be sexually amenable. Women promote or accept this view because they are flattered by the male sexual admiration. But women only want platonic admiration. They don’t want male sexual advances. This is where the confusion starts.

One of the consequences of the deceit over female sexuality is that we cannot confront the issues. In an official sense, women are assumed to want sex and enjoy sex as much as men do. But in a private sense, women refuse to engage on the topic. Women also ensure that they are protected from male sexual advances and images that are graphically erotic. This means that we never have an honest picture of what female sexuality involves.

In public, women insist that of course they enjoy sex. At the same time no one is willing to be associated with sexual content for fear of being labelled a sex pervert. This is the female view that considers eroticism to be dirty and obscene. Wherever women are present, sexual content is banned. Even images with partial nudity or implied sexual activity cause offense. In public some men support censorship to protect women’s sensitivities. Similarly, men may shelter their female relatives from the sexually graphic male mind.

Modern sex research makes no attempt to indicate the relevance of findings to the whole population. There is no justification of the qualifications of the researchers, of the political or scientific aims of the funders of the research, of the way in which the sample is selected or the size of the sample. Findings from tiny random samples are promoted as if they apply to everyone.

Sexologists promote their theories about female orgasm like stories from the Bible that they have been taught religiously to believe in. No one ever challenges these theories nor is there any supporting evidence for them. Women’s insistence on privacy means that they are never required to explain how they do it. Accounts of female orgasm are so rare that men find them a huge turn-on. But it can easily be shown that most women have no idea what is involved in responsiveness. They are just reflecting the sexual ignorance in the society around them. Yet because of male support no one challenges these orgasm claims. My work aims to expose this ignorance.

Women can use sex to get what they want. Men cannot, as sex is what they want. (BBC blog 2003)