Men often vocalise their appreciation on seeing an attractive woman but men are rarely on the receiving end of similar flattery from women. Men never seem to notice that women are not aroused by men’s bodies. Many men like to display their sexual interest as bravado. They never notice that women do not admire men for their sexual stamina or technique. To women, men’s interest in their anatomy seems crude and basic. Women do not talk about men as sex objects. It is said that women treat men like provider objects.
Men enjoy the sensations of arousal when they look at or come into contact with a women’s body. Trains and buses around the world at rush hour provide an opportunity for certain men to grope women’s bodies when they are defenceless. Women do not have the benefit of the same turn-ons. So women cannot retaliate by taking the same liberties with a man’s body. Women want men to respect the fact that women’s bodies are their own.
Some men take advantage of proximity to others to enjoy their own sexual arousal. Other men take advantage of children’s innocence and inexperience to coerce them into sexual acts. Women do not do this. This male behaviour makes it much more difficult for men to be allowed to care for children without any supervision. Women are trusted with children’s welfare (not just their own) because they do not obtain physical gratification from others.
By thinking about an opportunity for penetration, a man’s mental arousal causes blood to flow to his penis. The mental response causes the physical erection that motivates him to complete his arousal cycle by engaging in intercourse. This is an instinctive response. The biological drive is for a man to deposit his semen (containing sperm) within a vagina. A woman lacks a similar drive to ensure that a man deposits his sperm in her vagina. The clitoris is incapable of penetration. Women only ever orgasm when alone.
Humans can remember past events and form associations. If we enjoy a meal, we remember the experience the next time. Even before we sit down to eat, we anticipate the pleasure we will enjoy. Women are just as capable as men of anticipating future pleasure. They certainly respond to the smell of food in a similar way. Men are aroused in anticipation of intercourse because it provides an opportunity to be a penetrator. The pleasures of sex do not impact on women’s minds (as they do on men’s) because women are not aroused by sexual activity in the first place. There are no erotic stimuli connected with sexual activity with a lover that cause a woman’s arousal.
Men are aroused by objects that they associate with erotic pleasure. Even after they have become impotent in old age, men can enjoy fantasies about leggy blondes in suggestive poses. They may appreciate observing young women’s backsides as they bend over (interpreted by men as a possible sexual invitation). There is no male equivalent to a leggy blonde. Nor do women ogle men while they proffer their crotches. It is assumed that women become less sexual as they age but no one forgets the pleasure of a turn-on.
Pornography portrays a male view of sex, with visually explicit views of the genital action. As a penetrator, men are aroused by images of nudity (which substitute for a real-life partner) and close-ups of penetrative sex (which remind men of the pleasure they enjoy from penetration). Sex often provides physical gratification for men at the expense of women’s dignity and emotional happiness. Pornography makes women feel their bodies have no privacy and no respect. Men’s fascination with female nudity makes women feel like face-less, personality-less bodies rather than thinking, feeling people.
Eroticism is defined by male turn-ons: crude and graphic images that cause male arousal. Women consider explicit eroticism to be offensive, even obscene. Even X-rated movies, which are made for adults (over 18 years of age), focus on the upper body contact between lovers rather than genitals. It is assumed that women are aroused by genital activity (just as men are) yet pornography is censored because it offends women. Women are naturally shielded from such images in their relationship with a lover. A woman has limited visibility of her own or her lover’s genitals. No one can evolve a response to erotic stimuli they do not naturally experience. Very few couples use mirrors in the bedroom. It is men who enjoy observing sexual activity.
A man does not attract a woman by showing her his erection. Neither does a woman ask to see a man’s erection before agreeing to have sex with him. Women are not aroused by genitals and they tend to consider them ugly. Pubescent boys become interested in their own genitals and those of a prospective lover because of their responsiveness. Girls do not experience this sudden increase in sexual responsiveness that boys do at adolescence.
A woman experiences no erotic arousal from sexual scenarios with a lover. Neither is there any physical sensation from intercourse. Consequently, a woman takes little interest in the lower body action of intercourse. She is happy to leave all the genital stimulation to a man. Women describe their sexual motivations in terms of romantic and loving emotions rather than crude sexual urges and erotic responses. Women prefer to see intercourse portrayed as a love-making act rather than as a primitive mating act, which they associate with animal-like activity. A woman hopes that a man cares for her. She is reassured by a lover’s display of affection (kissing and caressing).
Most males find it difficult to comprehend why females are not aroused by such graphic representations of sexual action … The wives, on the other hand, are often at a loss to understand why a male who is having satisfactory sexual relations at home should seek additional stimulation in portrayals of sexual action. (Alfred Kinsey)
Excerpt from Learn About Sexuality (ISBN 978-0956-894748)