Men enjoy their arousal on seeing an attractive woman but men are rarely on the receiving end of sexual appreciation from women. Many men see their interest in sex as a reason for bravado. To women, men’s interest in their sexual anatomy seems crude and very basic. Women do not treat men like sex objects. It is said that women treat men like provider objects.
Men enjoy the sensations of arousal when they look at or come into contact with a women’s body. Trains and buses around the world at rush hour provide an opportunity for certain men to grope women’s bodies when they are defenceless. Women do not have the benefit of the same turn-ons. So women cannot retaliate by taking the same liberties with a man’s body. Women want men to respect the fact that women’s bodies are their own.
Some men take advantage of proximity to others to enjoy their own sexual arousal. Other men take advantage of children’s innocence and inexperience to coerce them into sexual acts. Women do not do this. This male behaviour makes it much more difficult for men to be allowed to care for children without any supervision. Women are trusted with children’s welfare because they do not obtain physical gratification from others.
By thinking about an opportunity for penetration, a man’s mental arousal causes blood to flow to his penis. The mental response causes the physical erection that motivates him to complete his arousal cycle by engaging in intercourse. This is an instinctive response. The biological drive is for a man to deposit his semen (containing sperm) within a vagina. Even for a responsive woman, the clitoris is incapable of penetration. Neither does a woman have a drive to ensure that a man deposits his sperm in her vagina.
Humans can remember past events and form associations. So if we enjoy a meal, we remember the experience from the previous time. Even before we sit down to eat, we anticipate the pleasure we will enjoy from eating it. Men are aroused in anticipation of intercourse because it provides an opportunity to be a penetrator. Women never have this opportunity. Men are also aroused by objects that they associate with erotic pleasure.
Women are just as capable as men of anticipating future pleasure. They certainly respond to the smell of food in a similar way. There are no stimuli connected with sexual activity with a lover that cause a woman’s arousal. The pleasures of sex do not impact on women’s minds (as they do on men’s) because women are not aroused by sexual activity in the first place.
A man does not attract a woman by showing her his erection. A woman doesn’t ask to see a man’s erection before agreeing to sex with him. A woman takes no interest in the lower body action during intercourse. She focuses on showing affection by kissing her lover and looking into his eyes. She is reassured by the sound of his voice. She hopes that he cares for her.
Only women have breasts. So naturally they are of interest to men. If the only time a man sees a woman’s breasts is when he has sex, then he comes to associate them with sexual opportunities. Men are not aroused by breasts if they are nudists or live in cultures where women never cover their breasts.
Pornography displays women’s bodies as objects men can use for arousal. Eroticism is defined by male turn-ons, which are images or concepts that cause male arousal. Men view eroticism positively because it arouses them. Many women view eroticism more negatively since it represents a male view of sex. Men’s fascination with female nudity makes women feel like face-less, personality-less bodies rather than intelligent human beings with feelings. Pornography makes women feel their bodies have no privacy and no respect. Women consider eroticism to be crude, offensive and even obscene or disgusting. Sexual activity often provides male physical gratification at the expense of women’s dignity and emotional happiness.
Women tend to describe their sexual motivations in terms of emotions rather than crude erotic responses. Even X-rated movies, which are made for adults (over 18 years of age), focus on the upper body contact between lovers rather than genitals. It is assumed that women are aroused by genital activity (just as men are) yet pornography is censored because it offends women. Women prefer to see intercourse portrayed as a non-explicit upper body activity focused on non-sexual kissing and caressing. Very few couples use mirrors in the bedroom. It is men who enjoy watching sexual activity.
Pornography portrays a visually explicit male view of sexual activity. Women are naturally shielded from such images in their relationship with a lover. A woman has limited visibility of her own or her lover’s genitals. No one can evolve a response to erotic stimuli they do not naturally experience. This lack of erotic input coupled with the lack of physical sensation of intercourse means that a woman naturally focuses on the upper body activity (kissing and caressing) rather than the lower body genital stimulation.
Too many husbands, on the other hand, fail to comprehend that their wives are not aroused as they are in the anticipation of a sexual relationship. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)