Humans can remember past events and form associations. So if we enjoy a meal, we remember the experience from the previous time. Even before we sit down to eat, we anticipate the pleasure we will enjoy from eating it. Men are aroused in anticipation of intercourse because it provides an opportunity to be a penetrator. Women never have this opportunity. Men remember the pleasure of sex and so are aroused in anticipation of sex. Men are also aroused by objects that have sexual associations for them.
Women are just as capable as men of anticipating future pleasure. They certainly respond to the smell of food in a similar way. There are no stimuli connected with sexual activity with a lover that cause a woman’s arousal. The pleasures of sex do not impact on women’s minds (as they do on men’s) because women are not aroused by sexual activity in the first place.
Men enjoy the sensations of arousal when they look at or come into contact with a women’s body. Trains and buses around the world at rush hour provide an opportunity for certain men to grope women’s bodies when they are defenceless. Women do not have the benefit of the same turn-ons. So women cannot retaliate by taking the same liberties with a man’s body. Women want men to respect the fact that women’s bodies are their own.
Some men take advantage of proximity to others to enjoy their own sexual arousal. Other men take advantage of children’s innocence and inexperience to coerce them into sexual acts. Women do not do this. This male behaviour makes it much more difficult for men to be allowed to care for children without any supervision. Women are trusted with children’s welfare because they do not obtain physical gratification from others.
Only women have breasts. So naturally they are of interest to men. If the only time a man sees a woman’s breasts is when he has sex, then he comes to associate them with sexual opportunities. Men are not aroused by breasts if they are nudists or live in cultures where women never cover their breasts.
On the internet there is the massive sex industry that satisfies the demand from men. Pornography displays women’s bodies as objects men can use for arousal. Men’s fascination with female nudity make women feel like face-less, personality-less bodies rather than human beings with feelings. Porn makes women feel their bodies have no privacy and no respect. Any websites where women are present, ban any hint of erotic content. Some men support this censorship because they know that the women in their family would also want to be sheltered from the sexually graphic male mind.
At a basic and instinctive level, sexual activity is distasteful to women. The genitals that fascinate men, are hairy, smelly and ugly to a woman. The body fluids, that men enjoy so much, are revolting to a woman. When lovers are young, a woman can enjoy the sensual aspects of sex. She feels proud of the attractiveness of her own body and she can enjoy caressing her lover’s body.
No one can evolve a response to stimuli they do not naturally experience. Women do not naturally have a view of the lower body action of intercourse. Whatever position a woman assumes during intercourse, she has very limited visibility of her own or her lover’s genitals. Intercourse is not a graphic act from the female perspective. A woman can feel and see very little regardless of the position. A woman’s natural focus is not on the lower body activity but on the upper body: kissing, caressing and touching.
A man does not attract a woman by showing her his erection. A woman doesn’t ask to see a man’s erection before agreeing to sex with him. A woman takes no interest in the lower body action during intercourse. She focuses on showing affection by kissing her lover and looking into his eyes. She is reassured by the sound of his voice. She hopes that he cares for her.
Women tend to describe their sexual motivations in terms of emotions rather than crude erotic responses. Even X-rated movies, which are made for adults (over 18 years of age), focus on the upper body contact between lovers rather than genitals. It is likely that intercourse does define the sex life of most heterosexual couples because most men are only interested in intercourse and most women are unwilling to offer more explicit pleasuring.
Men approach sex overwhelmed by their arousal so they focus on a lover’s genitals rather than their attractiveness. Women approach sex unaroused so man who is unromantic or unattractive makes sex even less appealing. As a couple age and if they don’t take care of themselves sex becomes even less attractive for a woman. For many women, having sex in the dark or after drinking alcohol may add to the mystery and make sex more romantic.
Heterosexuals assume that women are aroused by genital activity just as men are. No one sees any contradiction in assuming that women aroused by genital activity in reality but disgusted similar images in pornography. Women much prefer to see intercourse portrayed as a non-explicit upper body activity focused on non-sexual kissing and caressing. Very few couples use mirrors in the bedroom. It is men who enjoy watching sexual activity.
Too many husbands, on the other hand, fail to comprehend that their wives are not aroused as they are in the anticipation of a sexual relationship. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)