Without sex, there is little intimacy between adults. Women are dependent on men to provide this sense of passion and connection with another adult. Platonic love is caring and affectionate. Sexual love (or reciprocating sexual love) can be more intensely emotional (at least in the beginning). Women experience this through the need to respond to a man’s sex drive.
When a woman is affectionate with a man, he interprets this as a desire for sexual intimacy. This is because he is aroused by her physical proximity and he assumes that she responds in the same way. A woman is not typically amenable to intercourse on first meeting a man. Her amenability grows as she gains confidence that a man’s devotion may last beyond a one-off opportunity for intercourse. By accepting a man’s sexual advances, a woman demonstrates her love for him and is rewarded by his gratitude.
Women love men who take an interest in them. This interest comes from male sex drive but young women may assume a man loves them. This is not always true. A woman may delay showing her approval to find out if a man’s intentions are for the longer term. There’s a certain logic to a woman making a man wait. Men seem to value sex more if they have to work for. It feels more of a conquest than if a woman just lays herself out before him.
Men stress about what they can do or say to impress a woman to get her into bed. So they are frustrated when a date does not result in sex. An experienced woman knows that any relationship with a man involves an on-going commitment to offer regular sex. So although it’s only one time, it’s usually the first time out of many. A man more or less assumes that the arrangement is on-going. This makes the first time a bigger decision.
Homosexual men can approach each other and, with little more than a brief acknowledgement, head off to engage in sexual activity. Heterosexual men do not have the same freedom. Unless a woman is offering sex for money, most women need some lead into sex. It is not just a question of attraction. Women need to feel safe so that they can trust a man enough to be intimate. This is because there are some very dangerous men who prey on women.
Some men will attack, rape and even kill a woman if they get a chance. Men don’t have this contradiction in their dealings with women. Men judge women primarily on their attractiveness and amenability to intercourse. Women have to be much more careful about assessing men’s character.
Women need to feel an emotional connection before feeling sex is appropriate. This is not a conscious trade. It is a subconscious response to being admired by a man, which reassures her that he will protect her (often from other men). This is why women worldwide enjoy the emotions they feel from romantic stories where a man demonstrates his admiration for and his devotion to a woman. These emotional feelings are much more intense than those a child feels for a parent. But they are not as strong (in the sense of urgency rather than long-lasting) as men’s genital urges.
Women don’t get erections so they need an emotional mechanism to provide their sense of intimacy. In order to survive, women must be more socially mature than men. Women must also be less sexually driven. They cannot base their relationships with the opposite sex purely on sexual criteria as men can. Women take longer than men to choose a lover because a woman is looking for a man who is devoted to her not just good looks.
The secret of male courage is to act and not think too much, otherwise doubt and fear set in. It doesn’t help men be good defenders, if they are always empathising with the enemy. This instinct also doesn’t help men when it comes to relationships with women. A woman wants to understand a man’s motivations, his values and morals. This is self-defence. A woman wants a lover who is loving, interesting and has a sense of humour. Throughout a relationship a woman needs a man to communicate his motivations so that she can trust that he doesn’t take advantage of her love.
Men’s confidence is largely bravado. A man uses innuendo to flatter a woman into passively agreeing with him. A woman likes knowing that she has a man’s attention and that he is interested in her. A woman expects a man to show her the same respect he shows his boss. She hopes that he will want to impress her as much as he does his colleagues. She hopes that he will be as motivated to spend time with her as he is with his male friends.
So what turns her on? … A man who makes her feel ‘safe’ and treats her like she is a vital part of his very existence, and not just a favourite sperm dumpsite. (Yangki Akiteng 2015)