Imagine a woman who is more like a man. She approaches sex already aroused and she is turned-on by genitals. She caresses and kisses her lover’s body from head to toe. She homes in on his penis and gives him fantastic oral sex. Where would the human race be now if women behaved like this? Most men would ejaculate before they ever got to intercourse.
Men are proactive because they are aroused. So it is assumed to be the man’s to provide a woman with the orgasm she cannot give herself. Yet this is fallacious thinking because orgasm occurs in a person’s mind. If a woman was aroused with a lover, she would be motivated to obtain her own stimulation. Female passivity allows a man to assert his own needs. A man is free to engage in the intercourse, which optimises reproduction.
Initially a man may offer pleasuring other than intercourse but over time men focus increasingly on intercourse because women do not respond positively to other pleasuring. Women reject manual stimulation of the clitoris, which is too sensitive. Many women are disgusted by the idea of cunnilingus. Even if she does allow her lover to stimulate her clitoris with his tongue, a woman feels almost no sensation and little pleasure. Women’s lack of responsiveness ensures that sexual activity focuses on intercourse.
Given women’s lack of arousal with a lover, they don’t have any reason to seek stimulation. A woman has no sexual agenda. Whatever stimulation the man provides, a woman has little interest in knowing explicit details. A woman closes her eyes and lets a man explore her body to the extent she feels is ‘proper’. Women accept or reject the stimulation men offer.
Men’s sex drive provides a much greater motivation (in the short term) for initiating intimate interaction with others. Men accept failed attempts as a natural aspect of being male. If a man doesn’t want sex with her, it is difficult for a woman to persuade him. A woman learns that if a man doesn’t find her attractive then there is little point in her approaching him.
Women rarely dictate sexual activity with a man. Even prostitutes provide what a client asks for. Some women may initially explore a lover’s body to give pleasure. But over the longer term, women lack the motivation to be sexually proactive because they are not aroused. A woman naturally assumes a support role of accepting the pleasuring a man offers based on the arousal he enjoys from exploring her body. A woman’s role is to cooperate with intercourse for as long as a man needs to ejaculate.
A woman is naturally in the position of something sexual (especially penetration) being done to her. A woman cannot penetrate or impregnate a lover. She can only be penetrated and impregnated by a man. In the early days, novelty means a man’s arousal automatic so a woman can enjoy being the object of his desire without needing to contribute much. She can feel pampered rather than needing to act the concubine who is focused on assisting with male arousal. This also explains why rape fantasies are popular with women. It’s important here to distinguish between actual rape (a brutal act) and a woman being taken by a man (an act of submission).
What is the anatomy involved in female orgasm? What erotic turn-ons does a woman need for orgasm? These are really very simple and basic questions. But most heterosexuals are confused by such questions. Most men appreciate that their partners do not masturbate. So the only time that a woman is stimulated sexually is when a man wants intercourse with her.
Heterosexuals assume the vagina is the female sex organ because typically it is the only female anatomy that is ever stimulated. In the same way, they assume that women orgasm from intercourse because this is the only sexual activity that women engage in. But men initiate intercourse. The conclusion that women do not orgasm, never seems to occur to anyone.
A woman’s presence signals a potential opportunity for intercourse. Initially men are attracted by looks but they quickly move on to a woman’s sexual willingness. Many of the techniques women use to enhance their attractiveness involve accentuating their vulnerability and docility (precarious shoes, long hair and big baby eyes). A man interprets a woman’s timidity as a sign that she will accept his sexual advances.
… the female is generally less responsive than the male erotically, and for that reason … less often takes the initiative in any sex play. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)