If intercourse caused female orgasm, there wouldn’t be a mystery that needed researching in the first place. Any scientific account of female responsiveness has to be able to explain why female orgasm was such a secret for so long. The fact that women are capable of orgasm was highlighted by scientists. If female orgasm occurred easily with a lover, it could not possibly have remained a secret as it did. Kinsey noted that many couples had no idea that women were even capable of orgasm. Female orgasm has always been a mystery and most women that realise it is elusive with a lover. Yet researchers accept women’s orgasm claims verbatim. The way such claims are welcomed is more appropriate for religious beliefs than for science. The evidence for female sexual pleasure comes from real women in the general population initiating and being enthusiastic about sexual activity with a lover.
Women rarely specify the anatomy involved in female orgasm. Less educated women assume it’s the vagina because couples’ sex lives equate to intercourse. Also less educated men spend less time on foreplay. Educated women (or their partners) are more likely to have heard of the role of the clitoris in female orgasm. No wonder then, when researchers ask about women about orgasm, that some of them claim to orgasm in these ways.
Women think they are supposed to orgasm with a lover through vaginal or clitoral stimulation (or both) but there are no research findings to support this assumption. Whether women explain their orgasms in terms of the vagina or the clitoris, it makes little difference. Researchers assume that women must participate in sexual activity because of their own arousal. Yet few women admit to having erotic fantasies or reading erotic fiction. The urge to engage in intercourse comes from a man’s body. Sex is something that men do to women. Women’s view of sex is emotional rather than erotic.
Women are often left to provide sex education. Women focus on warning children of the problems associated with sex, including sexually transmitted diseases. They talk about reproduction, including pregnancy and contraception. Women are not so comfortable talking about sexual pleasure, which is considered to be a personal topic. Most men prefer to talk of eroticism rather than the reproductive facts. But men are easily aroused by talking about sexual pleasure, which could be embarrassing. Sexual pleasure tends to have immoral overtones, being associated with the sex industry and is often considered an inappropriate topic for education. Marital sex is more respectable but is rarely described in terms of erotic turn-ons and orgasm.
Women could provide young people with the research findings relating to female sexuality. They don’t do this for a number of reasons. Firstly, few women are interested enough in sexuality to read very widely. So women tend to be uninformed about sexual issues. The research findings tend to conflict with erotic fiction and popular beliefs (sexual ignorance). Women lack confidence in their own experiences to know which to believe. Finally, men never want to promote the fact that intercourse is solely a male pleasure.
While men talk of sexual pleasure openly and willingly, women’s silence is assumed to indicate their satisfaction. Once intercourse ends with male ejaculation, a man is presumed also to have satisfied his lover. A woman is believed to orgasm from intercourse at some undefined point. No one can explain the anatomy or the turn-ons involved. For men, it is clear (because they have erections) that they need to be aroused before attempting orgasm. But women are never demonstrably aroused so they can claim to orgasm without needing to account for the mental arousal that would cause orgasm.
Men engage in intercourse to release the sexual frustration that arises as a result of their regular arousal. It is unthinkable that a man would engage in sexual activity and walk away unsatisfied. His arousal ensures his orgasm. Women never reach a state where orgasm becomes inevitable (even alone). Women may be frustrated because of the unrealistic expectations that have been set for female orgasm with a lover. But women never experience an urgent need to obtain sexual release. They never suffer sexual frustration.
Intercourse is a mating act. The purpose of intercourse is to facilitate male orgasm and ejaculation of semen into the vagina. Female orgasm is not involved in this reproductive process. Women are only capable of orgasm because of how the sexes have evolved. Men and women have different internal reproductive anatomy but we each have a phallus. Responsive women who have the ability to respond positively to eroticism, stimulate the internal clitoral organ in an instinctive thrusting motion when they are alone. Women masturbate to enjoy orgasm rather than to satisfy a sexual need.
Women do not respond to real-world erotic stimuli (such as nudity) that indicate an opportunity to penetrate another person. They don’t have sufficient responsiveness to experience orgasm as reliably as a man nor an urge to penetrate (sex drive). The clitoris does not provide the same pleasure that the penis does. Women have a smaller, less responsive phallus and a residual thrusting instinct. A few women are able to achieve orgasm by emulating the male role in intercourse. Psychologically this puts them in the position of being the male penetrator. Female arousal is largely subconscious. The mental mechanism a woman uses to access her arousal is therefore fairly obscure. A woman has to use surreal fantasy where she effectively (in psychological terms) assumes the proactive role of penetrator.
Sexual double standards that favour pleasuring men continue to prevail. But I also believe women often think they are having an orgasm when in fact they are not. (Nicole Prause)
Excerpt from Learn About Sexuality (ISBN 978-0956-894748)