Learn About Sexuality

Men’s sexual satisfaction relies on having a lover

For someone to have a sex drive there must be a trigger that generates an urge to engage in intercourse. Men experience regular erections that cause sexual tension or frustration. They may be able to relieve that tension to a degree through masturbation. But ultimately they want to engage in intercourse to obtain sexual release through thrusting. This is natural because it is in line with our reproductive biology. There’s no point in men having erections unless they are motivated to impregnate a woman.

Males of all species have an instinct to mate that females do not have. A man’s sex drive to engage in intercourse involves both the reproductive event of ejaculation and the pleasure of orgasm. There is a biological reason for men to want intercourse regularly. A man can potentially impregnate a (different) woman with every ejaculation (or many hundreds of times in a lifetime). A man can potentially impregnate a different woman every time he has an erection. So men are naturally promiscuous.

Swinging used to be called ‘wife swapping’. Despite the name change this is still a male initiative. A man enjoys the opportunity to have intercourse with different partners. Women enjoy knowing that they are attractive to other men and that their partner is aroused by this fact. As with all forms of casual sex, swinging focuses on intercourse and hence male orgasm. Some cultures and religions allow a man to have more than one wife. Rich men around the world can afford to maintain a wife and a mistress.

The wonderful thing about sex (in real life) is that there are no addictive aspects. But sex does rely on having an amenable partner. This is the issue of consent. Being physically stronger, a man can insist on intercourse with a woman if he catches her alone. This is why young women have only been able to move about freely and safely very recently in our social history.

A man’s arousal is caused by the presence of an attractive women, especially one who dresses or behaves in a way that is intended to attract male attention. A man is aroused by a sexual partner, their body, genitals and behaviour. Most men also stop masturbating before they become impotent with a lover. The real-world turn-ons of a lover and the opportunity for penetrative sex, cause them to be much more aroused than they are by imagining the same situation alone during masturbation.

Research indicates that when men are deprived of female company they experience arousal much less frequently. Men work on ships or oil rigs without arousal as long as no erotic stimuli are available (unlikely these days!). This was true in the past and is certainly true of men with little creative imagination who prefer the real thing to masturbation.

Having a good time for a woman involves a nice meal, perhaps a movie and some pleasant companionship. A man can appreciate these things but only once he has also had the opportunity to release the sexual tension he has accumulated throughout the day or week. A woman doesn’t have this need or consequent frustration. She doesn’t need sex the way a man does.

It’s very evident to most women that men want sex for their own pleasure as well as the relief they obtain from the sexual frustration that builds up when they are frequently aroused without access to penetrative sex. Women see evidence of men’s gratitude in terms of providing support.

A woman cannot be impregnated every time she engages in intercourse. Each month a woman has a few days in which she can be impregnated. Once she is pregnant, a woman cannot be impregnated again until after she has given birth. The maximum frequency with which a woman can reproduce is once a year. There is no biological reason why a woman should want intercourse more than a few times in her lifetime (if ever).

A woman is a necessary part of a man’s arousal but she does not have an orgasm from the activity. A woman is merely a bystander. So intercourse is the male equivalent of female masturbation. A man uses a vagina for stimulation rather than his hand. A man is dependent on the physical presence of a woman for his satisfaction. If a man knows that his lover masturbates, he should respect her enjoyment of her solitary pleasure. Allowing her the space to enjoy orgasm is a way of compensating her for the many times that the man is the only person having an orgasm.

It wasn’t until I actually got married that I realized that, day in day out, this man I was now committed to dating every single day of my life also wanted sex (nearly) every day of his life. (Joan Sewell 2010)

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