Learn About Sexuality

We (not a sex toy or lover) cause our own orgasm

Men are aroused before they arrive at sexual opportunities. Young men especially, need minimal stimulation to orgasm. So it is assumed that women are similarly aroused and that they only need physical stimulation. But women are not aroused by the prospect of sex or by a lover’s nudity (as men are) so they are nowhere near having an orgasm during sex.

The very action of purchasing a vibrator is evidence that a woman is in search of something that she does not experience naturally. It is also a reflection of the enormous political and emotional pressure some women feel that they should experience orgasm. This is the key reason why men never buy vibrators to assist with orgasm. Orgasm occurs in the brain and the physical stimulation is almost incidental in the sense that it is trivial. Once a person is aroused the physical stimulation is instinctively supplied.

Few women appreciate that stimulation only works once someone is mentally aroused. It is women’s aversion to eroticism, abstract mental fantasy, that makes a vibrator so attractive. A gadget gives women something to do. But it is also clean and devoid of any ‘dirty’ associations so many women have with sexual activity. A gadget is acceptable to women because it can be accessorized and comes in different colours.

For a person to orgasm, they must stimulate their own sex organ. This is a key misunderstanding of intercourse. Even when a sex organ is capable of penetration (as the penis is), it cannot cause a lover’s orgasm. Female masturbation relies solely on a woman’s own responsiveness. Female orgasm is very rare which is what makes female masturbation so taboo.

To understand female masturbation, consider how things must have been more than a thousand years ago. For most women, for most of our history, there has been no substitute for a penis. Women couldn’t just use a random stick because it would be too uncomfortable. If they used something as everyday as a banana (only in hot countries) then one assumes that bananas would be associated with women’s pleasure rather than with fellatio as they are today. If a woman wants vaginal stimulation, there are more than enough willing penises out there to assist. Why does she need a substitute?

It’s reasonable that someone might occasionally attempt orgasm but not achieve it. But in general we engage in genital stimulation because we are aroused enough for orgasm. If women were aroused with a lover, they could masturbate themselves. The issue is that men want women to orgasm from (or at least be enthusiastic about) intercourse. Vibrators do not increase women’s enthusiasm for sexual activity any more than any other technique with a lover. Otherwise men would be rushing out to buy them.

The implication is that women’s difficulties with orgasm revolve around physical stimulation. Perhaps this is a political ploy on the part of women to imply men are not good enough. Vibrators give some women the reassurance of believing that they are capable of orgasm. Yet this form of stimulation has only been invented recently, just 200,000 years after the emergence of homo sapiens. It is also a remarkable coincidence that the sex industry makes millions of dollars selling vibrators to female consumers in search of a solution to their orgasm difficulties.

Vibrators tend to be modelled on dildos (shaped like an erect penis) which were symbols of male potency in the past. This shape is suggestive of eroticism but also confuses women into thinking that they are supposed to stimulate their vaginas as a simulation of intercourse. Undoubtedly, a dildo is most useful to men who want to experience anal penetration. It is difficult to explain how women could respond to stimulation that doesn’t occur naturally. Despite all the publicity, most women never use a vibrator.

A vibrator provides very different stimulation to the fingers. A vibrator does not replicate any kind of naturally occurring stimulation. Men do not use a vibrator to stimulate the penis. It is the wrong kind of stimulation. Neither can a vibrator stimulate the internal clitoral organ as a woman’s internal muscles and her fingers do. A gadget cannot replace masturbation techniques that have been used by humans for millennia.

In the past witch doctors sold ineffective lotions and potions to an ignorant public desperate for a cure. Today the sex industry thrives on people’s embarrassment and ignorance about orgasm. If a woman finds a vibrator does nothing for her, she has no one to tell. The marketing of these gadgets is so universal that it’s difficult for a woman to question their effectiveness. Even men do not question why women need to use a vibrator. The success of the marketing indicates the scale of women’s ignorance over orgasm.

A rhythmic development of muscular tensions is probably the most important of all the physiologic changes which occur when an animal responds sexually. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)

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