Learn About Sexuality

We (not a sex toy or lover) cause our own orgasm

We are aroused by something or someone else. But that does not mean that that person (or thing) is responsible for causing our arousal. It is our own mind’s reaction to that person or thing that causes us to become aroused.

Men are aroused before they arrive at sexual opportunities. So they don’t generally need help getting aroused. They are most of the way towards orgasm already. They just need a minimal amount of genital stimulation and they can orgasm easily. So the assumption is that women are similarly aroused and that they only need physical stimulation.

But the reality is quite different. Women are not aroused by the prospect of sex or by the nudity of a sexual partner. Yet women, who boast about the orgasms they enjoy with a lover, always focus on the physical stimulation techniques they use. This is because women are generally unresponsive so they don’t realise that arousal occurs when the mind responds to eroticism. A woman has to discover how to use erotic turn-ons to achieve orgasm. Physical stimulation comes very much in second place.

To understand female masturbation, consider how things must have been more than a thousand years ago. For most women, for most of our history, there has been no substitute for a penis. Women couldn’t just use a random stick because it would be too uncomfortable. If they used something as everyday as a banana (only in hot countries) then one assumes that bananas would be associated with women’s pleasure rather than with fellatio as they are today. If a woman wants vaginal stimulation, there are more than enough willing penises out there to assist. Why does she need a substitute?

The idea that women can orgasm by using a vibrator would need to be based on a behaviour that existed before the gadget. But there is no naturally occurring example of the kind of stimulation provided by a vibrator. This is the dog and ball theory again. A dog chases a ball because it represents a small animal that dogs have always hunted. But what does a vibrator represent? They are mostly based on the original dildos (shaped like an erect penis) which were symbols of male potency in the past.

The hands are the most natural masturbation tool and everything else is simply a gimmick. Some women do rub their vulva against a soft object such as a stuffed toy or a pillow. It is unlikely though that they achieve orgasm like this because the stimulation of the clitoral organ would not be explicit or firm enough.

Most women are not responsive enough to respond positively to eroticism. So they assume that orgasm is only about physical stimulation. This is why sex toy companies have been so successful in selling vibrators to women. Women conclude that any psychological material (such as pornography or erotic fiction) is offensive. Something like a gadget is much more socially acceptable to women. It can be accessorized and comes in different colours.

In the past witch doctors sold totally ineffective lotions and potions to an ignorant public desperate for a cure. Today the sex industry thrives on people’s embarrassment and ignorance. Men are duped into buying ‘penis enlargement’ products. Women are offered genital surgery or sex toys. Only women (but not men) could believe a gadget causes orgasm. General ignorance over how arousal and orgasm are achieved works in the favour of the sex toy industry.

The fact that women need mechanical assistance to orgasm, proves that they cannot achieve it as easily as men. Men do not use a vibrator on their penis. It is the wrong kind of stimulation. Neither does a vibrator stimulate the internal clitoral organ in a suitable way for orgasm. A woman needs to apply rhythmic (pelvic thrusting) pressure over the front (external) of the clitoris together with pressure from her thigh and buttock muscles behind. A gadget cannot supply the stimulation that is needed from within the body itself. But stimulation only works once a person is aroused mentally.

Today we are surrounded by companies selling vibrators and magazine articles telling stories about women’s sex toys. But apart from the massive sex industry: sex toy companies, sexual therapists, sex shops etc. who else actually talks about these things? If you try talking to women about vibrators they are just as embarrassed and silent as they are about every other aspect of sex and orgasm.

Men are apprehensive about sexual opportunities. They want to be successful both at obtaining intercourse but also performing according to social norms. But women are naturally incredibly embarrassed by sex. This is due to a number of reasons. Firstly, women are not aroused by sexual activity so they naturally dislike any form of explicit genital display or stimulation. Secondly women are conscious of their inferior position in intercourse of being a passive receiver of a man’s erect penis.

Rhythmic pelvic thrusts during sexual activity are among the distinctive characteristics of the class Mammalia. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)

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