When we talk about a man defending his honour, we mean that he is motivated to fight an opponent to demonstrate that he can beat a rival. When we talk about a woman defending her honour, we mean that she fights off unwanted suitors and that she defends her right to choose her lover. One of the greatest insults a man can use against another man is to imply that his mother is promiscuous.
Women’s most prominent sexual behaviour is their desire to please men. Women use behaviours to earn money or to satisfy their own or a lover’s ego. Some women suggest that they orgasm as easily as men do. They may flaunt their ego to imply that they ‘use men for sex’. Female promiscuity has nothing to do with a woman’s responsiveness. Some women offer sex to get what they want. They do this to suit themselves for their own advantage, usually for financial benefit.
Naturally women always imply that they are motivated by sexual pleasure. This makes it even more difficult (than it would be anyway) for men to understand why a woman would ever object to intercourse. The implication is that a man’s behaviour and attitude (loving versus exploitative) transforms intercourse from an intensely pleasurable act into an abusive one. Yet men do not need a loving partner for them to enjoy intercourse.
Intercourse provides men not only with the stimulation they need for orgasm but also, more importantly the psychological stimulation that makes orgasm inevitable. If women were equally aroused by intercourse, then they would be stimulated to orgasm through intercourse regardless of who supplied the stimulation. Rape would not exist. Every woman would welcome sexual opportunities even with complete strangers.
If women saw sex as men do, they would be pregnant all the time. For biological reasons, a woman has the ability to make a conscious choice over who she mates with. Women have no reason to want intercourse and plenty of reasons not to want it. It is only when a woman is attracted to a man and she feels an emotional connection that she feels amenable to intercourse. This desire is emotional and romantic rather than erotic.
A woman in love sees intercourse as a lovemaking act where a man demonstrates his sexual admiration for her (his ability to be aroused by her body) and his sex drive (ability to impregnate her). These emotional feelings associated with the romantic lead-in to relationships do not last. Over time intercourse becomes a more mechanical exercise for a woman, neither erotic nor romantic. This explains why women lose interest in sex.
Men don’t like a woman who are too easy to get into bed. They suspect that they are being ‘played’. They think she is having sex with them for the benefits (e.g. having dates paid for). A man prefers a woman who is not tempted by promiscuity even though this indicates that she is unresponsive.
When men insist that women orgasm through sexual activity with a lover, they imply that women are as driven by ego as men are. Yet when a man chooses a wife, he chooses a woman who is not promiscuous because he realises the benefit of her love for him (emotional connection). Over the longer term, women have sex with a man they love and respect. This is a compliment for a man but it has nothing to do with a woman’s orgasm.
Men enjoy pornography because they are aroused by visual images of sexual activity. Women do not experience arousal as men do. There are no naturally occurring psychological triggers that arouse women in everyday life. Images of genitals and sexual activity are generally offensive to most women most of the time. Women are only mildly aroused by pornographic images but not enough to cause orgasm.
Women hope for respect for their willingness to provide men with penetrative sex. Young women are often unassertive. So they give in to men and have sex with them only to find that they are then disrespected. Married women know their husbands always want more sex than they are willing to offer. They also know that men are attracted to women throughout the day regardless of any relationship. So women don’t feel that their efforts to please and satisfy their partner’s sexual needs are respected.
Men assume everyone has the same interest in sex that they have. It doesn’t occur to them that anyone would want to pretend to be interested when they’re not. Many people (especially women) are projecting an image of being more sexual and more interested in eroticism than they truly are. Men don’t appreciate how easily they can be exploited by women who are telling them what they want to hear. Men make easy targets because of the pleasure they get from sex. Who is exploiting who? It probably depends on how clever you are about getting more than you are giving.
Many a male, particularly in certain social levels and in certain parts of the United States, is prone to seek coitus from every available girl, while insisting that the girl he marries should be virgin when he first has coitus with her. It is the male, rather than the female, who imposes this incongruity on the social code. (Kimsey 1953)