Men’s prime motivation for engaging in sexual activity (alone or with a partner) is their mental arousal. Men’s heads (to varying degrees) are full of sexual thoughts. A man is likely to keep some (less socially acceptable) thoughts to himself out of embarrassment or to avoid offending a lover (particularly a woman). Being ignorant of what orgasm feel like, some women assume various vague sensations must equate to orgasm.
Any activity that starts when a child is pre-pubescent cannot be a true orgasm. A few boys do orgasm spontaneously at this age but these are one-offs. A woman needs to have the sexual maturity to respond to eroticism at a much more sophisticated level than a man does. A young man can be aroused by visual images of body parts or genital activity. Girls, who do discover sexual arousal, learn to masturbate later than boys because their fantasies are more complex. A woman needs to think much more deeply and explicitly about penetrative sexual activity.
Young girls and women can stimulate their vulva, without ever achieving orgasm. Perhaps they are responding to some latent instinct. Perhaps they are experimenting. Perhaps they feel that they should masturbate. It could be that they experience some kind of genital ‘itch’. They rub it for a while and then finally stop, seeming ‘satisfied’. Perhaps the rubbing has eradicated the itch much as it might do in any other part of the body. These orgasms occur outside any erotic context. Women never refer to turn-ons.
In very rare cases, a woman has so many orgasms that she needs a trip to hospital to stop them. This is not a response to erotic stimuli. This is purely a nervous system disorder. There are a number of nervous system phenomena that have symptoms in common with orgasm. These include anger, fear and epilepsy. Orgasm is defined by the pleasure a person enjoys from the psychological erotic inputs that caused their arousal.
Female orgasm is not an issue in sexual relationships just as male orgasm is but for different reasons. Male orgasm is not an issue because it is usually a given. Female orgasm is not an issue because women accept sex as it is. For some women this means they accept that orgasm does not occur with a lover. For others, they may assume that orgasm occurs but they assume it is trivial or implicit. They describe orgasm in terms of emotional factors. Either way it makes little difference to women’s attitude towards sex.
Some women believe they orgasm from intercourse. They are most likely feeling mildly pleasurable sensations. These physical or emotional sensations that women feel are all quite normal and do no harm. They are not orgasms because they are not a response to erotic stimulation.
Intercourse relies on a man having an erection. Women can only engage in intercourse as a response to male initiative. So saying that female orgasm occurs during intercourse allows any woman who has ever had intercourse to believe that she might have had an orgasm and so be considered sexually ‘normal’. Yet intercourse is initiated and driven by male sex drive.
Sex provides men with both physical gratification and the satisfaction of expressing their masculinity. Women don’t obtain physical gratification from sex. Women have sex for fun, for ego or to obtain a non-sexual reward such as a free meal. Most women have sex with someone they care about.
Anyone who has had an orgasm knows that crude sexual thoughts and urges are involved. We have a natural tendency to be embarrassed to admit these thoughts and urges. This is why we can be sure that women who boast about orgasm have never had one. They are not embarrassed because they don’t understand that arousal (and the resulting orgasm) must arise from thinking about something crude. Women assume that orgasm arises purely from emotional sensations and physical stimulation.
Women’s erotica is often associated with themes of humiliation, domination and sadism. Just as with fear or horror, such themes can cause sensations similar to arousal but they do not cause orgasm. Arousal and orgasm rely on the brain’s response to explicitly sexual scenarios.
How do women learn what an orgasm is? Your parents aren’t talking to you about it. Where would you learn? I don’t know. Maybe they’re reporting orgasms just when they’re having a pleasurable sensation. (Nicole Prause 2014)