Intercourse & orgasm

My work makes clear HOW and WHEN women orgasm. In this You-tube video I provide 10 facts explaining why intercourse has nothing to do with female orgasm.

If any of us receive a sex education (which most of us do not), the explanations given rarely go further than the basic so-called facts of life. We are told about intercourse and the mechanics of reproduction. If we are really lucky, we are told about contraception and sexual disease. But who talks explicitly about orgasm? Sex is always presented as a mutual pleasure.

Sex brings many negative aspects that never affect men. Women encounter abuse, harassment and pain fairly routinely. Sexual pleasure, which focuses on male gratification, has negative connotations for women. The sex industry is associated with the exploitation and degradation of women. Women fake orgasm and men take the credit. It’s just bravado on both sides. This is the deceit of sex and explains why people don’t like the facts.

There are the two contradictory attitudes towards sex that exist side by side in heterosexual society. Officially everyone agrees that enjoying sexual pleasure is part of being a healthy and emotionally well-balanced person. This is the effect of the male view that promotes sex as a positive and erotic experience. So in public, women insist that of course they enjoy sex. At the same time no one is willing to be associated with sexual content for fear of being labelled a sex pervert. This is the female view that considers eroticism to be dirty and obscene. Wherever women are present on the web, sexual content is banned. Even images with partial nudity or implied sexual activity cause offense. In public even men will support efforts to protect women’s sensitivities by ensuring that sexual content is censored. Similarly, men may protect their female relatives from other men’s crude sexual references.

Men talk much more freely about sex among themselves than when there are women around. Women are offended rather than aroused by the erotic images and crude sexual references that men enjoy. But also what is erotic for one person may be offensive to the next. Men enjoy talking about turn-ons because doing so arouses them. But this talk centres on fantasies rather than reality. Few people, even men, can talk honestly about sex. We avoid disclosing our innermost urges and desires. We don’t like to bare our souls.

Individual women interpret their experiences so differently that it is almost impossible for one woman to relate to another. The reality of sex is so far removed from how it is portrayed in fictional media that most women prefer to say nothing. Any woman who questions her sexual experiences is told there is something wrong with her. Men are blissfully unaware of the trauma their fantasies cause. Millions of women worldwide think there is something wrong with them. To many men this is simply good fun. A joke even.

Only men ever discuss female orgasm openly and confidently. So it’s no wonder that sex education and pornography are essentially the same thing. Men believe that cunnilingus causes female orgasm. But where does this belief come from? It doesn’t come from research findings. Cunnilingus is clearly associated with pornography rather than women’s sexual pleasure. Men are spreading fantasies, myths and ignorance. These fantasies cause women to doubt their own experiences and make them feel inadequate.

Some women, on a political quest for equality, insist that women can be just as independent, adventurous and dare-devil as men. Of course, they can. But few want to. When I have worked, travelled the world and done crazy things I have seen few women doing the same. Most women are amazed to see a woman do more than cook, clean and care for a family. Against this background of timidity, men (and a few ego-centric women) are suggesting that every woman is just as motivated by sex and as adventurous as men are.

The rare women who talk about orgasm have no interest in discussing any other aspect of sexuality. Their motivation centres on having their claims accepted. They never provide the explicit detail that might demonstrate an appreciation of eroticism. In the light of women’s behaviours, there are inconsistencies that need to be explained. Women need to use facts and logic to explain how they orgasm in circumstances that defy common sense.

Every year millions of dollars are paid to the sex therapy profession by a trusting public in the hope of finding an answer to female arousal. Yet the published research findings clearly indicate that women are much less responsive than men. But even when women ask about a lack of orgasm, no one thinks that this finding might offer an explanation. Many couples are frustrated when female orgasm doesn’t occur as they think it should.

Sexologists promote their theories about female orgasm like stories from the Bible that they have been taught religiously to believe in. No one ever challenges these theories nor is there any supporting evidence for them. Women’s insistence on privacy means that they are never required to explain how they do it. Accounts of female orgasm are so rare that men find them a huge turn-on. But it can easily be shown that most women have no idea what is involved in responsiveness. They are just reflecting the sexual ignorance in the society around them. Yet because of male support no one challenges these orgasm claims. My work aims to expose this ignorance.

Women can use sex to get what they want. Men cannot, as sex is what they want. (BBC blog 2003)