When a man masturbates, he uses firm and sustained stimulation of his penis from the outset. When a woman first masturbates a man, she may be surprised by just how firmly she can stimulate his penis by hand compared with her own masturbation. The clitoris responds very differently to the penis. Even for women who experience tumescence, clitoral stimulation does not provide the same pleasure that men enjoy from penile stimulation.
Men tend to find oral sex immensely pleasurable. The penis is intended to be highly sensitive to the stimulation of penetrating a warm wet place. The similarities between the mouth and the vagina are obvious. Both are susceptible to thrush (a yeast infection), being warm and moist. There is no parallel for women. The clitoris is not an organ that is designed to penetrate any orifice. So it is not sensitised to a penetration situation. Nor is it designed to respond to a warm and wet environment as the penis is.
Women are not interested in genitals (either their own or a lover’s) in the way that men tend to be. The negative connotations remain from childhood because women never develop the same level of responsiveness that causes men to view their own genitals so positively. The human body produces a variety of liquid secretions and waste products such as: urine, sinus mucus, semen (men only), breast milk (women only), sweat and tears.
For the most part we do not taste or consume our own secretions. Nor are we generally attracted to the idea of consuming someone else’s. Many women draw the line at fellatio. A woman has a reaction ranging from mild to extreme disgust at the idea of putting a penis in her mouth. The thought of swallowing semen is enough to make most women want to gag. The smell, feel and prospect of swallowing semen makes women want to vomit.
What is natural for a man (to want to stimulate his own and a lover’s genitals) is not natural for a woman. Even the idea of genitals can be distasteful. Some women can put this aversion aside. They may be less sensitive to sexual disgust. Other women are willing to overcome their instincts to please their lover. This is a matter of personality; not sexual responsiveness.
Women are not aroused by physical phenomena such as body fluids. Many women refuse to offer fellatio.
They cannot understand what it means to a man because they don’t obtain the same satisfaction from such activity. A woman may be more amenable to fellatio if a man agrees to stop before he ejaculates. Some men are very reluctant to do this. Men particularly like the idea that they can ejaculate into a lover’s mouth. If they cannot ejaculate into a woman’s mouth, then they may not see the point of fellatio.
It is impossible for a woman to understand the male behaviour of wanting to display his genitals. Neither can a woman understand the pleasure of ejaculating and the need for a man to ejaculate into a vagina, a mouth or other orifice. Women have no comparable experience. It seems crude and very insensitive to how it might feel to be on the receiving end of male ejaculation. Men obtain a satisfaction from depositing or spraying their body fluids (certainly semen but also urine) because of their territorial instincts.
If she is willing, a woman should offer fellatio whenever she can. If a woman doesn’t like the taste of semen she may want to offer her partner fellatio just as a warm-up. A shared bath is a good venue for fellatio (starting with lathering his penis) when it can be combined with a gently probing finger in his anus. If a man thoroughly cleans his penis at the start of a sex session to ensure that it is spotlessly clean and free of any smell, a woman may be more amenable. If a man is not clean enough, a woman needs to tell him to return to the bathroom. There are various gels on the market that can be applied to the body and then licked off.
Men have never focused on the clitoris as an object for their own arousal. Similarly, women are not aroused by a penis. A penis provides a man’s pleasure just as the clitoris provides a woman’s (if she is responsive enough to experience arousal and orgasm). A man is typically inordinately proud of his penis as the source of his own pleasure and his hopes for arousing (or at least penetrating) a lover. A woman, who masturbates to orgasm, does not have the same delight in her clitoris. Orgasm is simply about enjoying pleasure and the focus is the fantasies that help her achieve it.
A woman does not approach sex looking for reassurance. Her role is to attract a man. Once she has got him into bed, it’s all down to him. He wouldn’t be there if he wasn’t aroused by her body. All that he needs for orgasm is the stimulation that can be provided by intercourse. So a woman doesn’t ask about male orgasm or male sexual pleasure. Ejaculation usually provides enough evidence as well as a man’s post-coital gratitude. A man does not have the benefits of the same erotic feedback. So a woman ideally needs to explicitly provide some by her behaviour or by what she says. A woman is also reassured by the admiration she gets when displaying her body. A man does not get the same emotional reassurance.
This greater inclination of the human male towards oral activity is duplicated among other species of mammals. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)