We are all living longer due to improved health and life-styles. So ‘til death do us part’ is much longer than it used to be centuries ago. Some couples like the idea that they are not bound to another person for decades. But for most couples this is not an option and adultery is a guilty secret. Divulging infidelities can be unwise. Many people demand an instant divorce.
Men experience many more sexual temptations than a woman ever does. Women tend to take male sexual loyalty for granted without appreciating the struggle men face to avoid temptation (even though many of these temptations do not represent true sexual opportunities). For some men, sex is an opportunity to explore sex play with different partners. They feel that having one lover severely limits their personal freedom. As men age, they may appreciate the stability of a longer-term relationship.
Women’s lack of responsiveness means that they have much less to gain from casual sexual encounters. Given women don’t have a sex drive and they are not aroused by sexual activity, they are much more focused on the non-sexual aspects of relationships: companionship, love and affection. These aspects depend on knowing and liking a person, which all takes time.
Women are initially wary of what a man might do during a sexual encounter. She anticipates a man’s sex drive to explore a woman’s body and initiate intercourse. Equally a woman feels her own passivity in approaching sexual activity with no motivation to do anything other than go along with (or to defend herself against) whatever the man wants.
Some women have difficulty saying no to male advances. They give in but feel guilty afterwards. They feel judged by the fact that society (primarily other women) judges against them because women don’t need sex as men do. Women are naturally passive. Within reason, they don’t need to feel ashamed of being seduced by men but only aware of the risks they are taking. Having the facts of their sexuality is critical to women gaining some of the confidence men have to face the world with their heads up.
A woman is attracted by a man’s mind: his character, his behaviour and his attitude. Women’s emotional drive does not depend on sex itself but on feeling that a lover loves them (by demonstrating affection) and cares about them (by demonstrating interest). For most women, even the idea of sex is repugnant if they feel no emotional attachment to a man. Women do not obtain the physical gratification that makes sex so pleasurable for men.
Lack of confidence and self-esteem leads some women to experiment with casual sex for a time because they enjoy the novelty of being popular with men. Men find younger, less experienced women of a lower social status (either class or race) are more easily pressured into having sex. Women gain confidence with age, experience and when they have social status. When a married man has an affair, his wife is insulted that he has chosen another woman. She may refuse to have sex on emotional grounds.
Men enjoy casual sex for the opportunity to experience first-hand the variation in the genital anatomy and physical responses of a new partner. Many fewer women are attracted to having casual sex with multiple partners. Women are not aroused in the way that men are. In the longer-term women look for companionship, affection and support. Women are more typically looking for a relationship. They enjoy the intimacy and reassurance of knowing someone well.
Sexually confident woman as portrayed in films appear to expect a man to deliver. This presumed sexual aggressiveness on the part of the modern feminist is just a political stance that has no bite. Men today provide what they have always done: vaginal thrusting until male ejaculation. Women never complain. Women don’t know what to ask for. And if they do, they haven’t the courage to insist on it. It’s the same the world over.
Since intercourse is the default heterosexual activity, it requires no communication. The novelty of casual sex means that a man is highly aroused and wants to have intercourse as soon as possible. He does not want to ejaculate too soon. There is little foreplay, which needs more time for trust and communication to develop. Casual sex focuses on intercourse, which satisfies a man’s basic sexual needs and is quick for a woman.
Numerous research studies make it very clear that the people who have the best quality and most frequent sex are married couples. That says a lot about the inadequacies of ‘casual sex’. (Les Parrot 2009)