Sex education must be able to explain and justify how orgasm is achieved by someone regardless of gender and orientation. Equally there needs to be a reconciliation between how orgasm is achieved alone and with a lover.
We need to understand responsiveness in explicit terms. It is often implied that orgasm is so obvious that no one needs to talk about explicit psychological and physical stimuli. It often appears that way for men. But this is because no one acknowledges the psychological aspects of arousal.
Men need to have some kind of mental stimulation, a fantasy or turn-on, that arouses them. Women rarely demonstrate any understanding of the need for mental arousal, which is typically missing from women’s orgasm claims. Everyone assumes that women are aroused by body parts as men are but there are no logical explanations for how this would occur. Women do not have the incentive of ejaculating into a body orifice that men have.
It is often mistakenly assumed that female sexual arousal depends on emotional criteria. This misunderstanding arises for a variety of reasons. First, women tend to associate sexual activity with a loving relationship. Second, many women are uncomfortable with the kind of explicit eroticism that causes arousal. Third, women cannot account for erotic turn-ons.
Orgasm is an instinctive response that involves physical stimulation and mental arousal. Just as men and women (or gays and heterosexuals for that matter) experience responses such as hunger or anger in the same way, so too they must experience orgasm similarly. In the 1950s when the public first learned of female orgasm, there was great excitement that women might be capable of the same sexual response as men. Male orgasm involves a mental focus on eroticism and a rhythmic massaging of the phallus from start to end. Yet female orgasm is associated with emotional factors and a variety of physical stimulation techniques applied to inconsistent anatomy.
There are differences in the orgasm techniques that men and women use. But it is not logical to suggest that a person of one sex achieves orgasm in a different way to another person of the same sex. So, for example, lesbians must use the same orgasm techniques as heterosexual women. This is because our minds and bodies respond in similar ways according to sex. Orientation does not affect responsiveness and how orgasm is achieved.
Female masturbation is associated with lesbians because of the masculine connotations of the clitoris. But responsiveness varies among women, gay and straight, just as it does among men. Gay women do not masturbate any more commonly or more frequently than straight women. The anatomy involved in orgasm must be consistent for women regardless of orientation whether they are alone or with a lover (regardless of their lover’s gender).
We need to contrast the different stimulation men and women obtain from various sexual activities: masturbation alone, oral sex and intercourse. Each of these activities involves penile stimulation for a man. But both the anatomy and the stimulation technique are very different for women.
The phallus (penis or clitoris) is the only erectile organ of the body. Within the phallus are the corpora cavernosa that fill with blood when a person is mentally aroused by stimuli of an erotic nature. This process is almost automatic in young men but requires specific conscious focus for women.
Once the clitoris was known about, it was suggested that a couple should include clitoral stimulation in their lovemaking. Men’s sex drive stands in the way of the clitoris replacing the vagina as a source of female orgasm. The clitoris was just added as an optional extra. If clitoral stimulation caused female orgasm with a lover, then heterosexuals would have discovered it by themselves. They would not need researchers to tell them about it.
The key issue relating to stimulation is that we always stimulate the same anatomy (the sex organ) if we are aiming for orgasm. This is why men always stimulate their penis. We assume that women should orgasm as a complement to the male experience (rather than a parallel). We assume women orgasm from being penetrated (not from being a penetrator). The penis and clitoris both develop from the same genital tubercle. The clitoris and female orgasm are both associated with female masturbation. Kinsey noted that women who masturbate face down, thrust in a way that mimics the male role in intercourse. All of this points to the conclusion that women orgasm by emulating the male (not the female) role in intercourse.
There is no logic to the beliefs people have about how women are believed to achieve orgasm. Women’s orgasm techniques have little to do with how a man approaches orgasm. In fact, a man could not orgasm in the ways that are suggested for women. For example, to orgasm from intercourse a woman must orgasm within time constraints set by her lover’s responses (because intercourse is only possible while a man has an erection). Using men as a model, we can deduce the necessary inputs for anyone to achieve arousal and orgasm. Alternatively, we can explain how these fictional orgasms women are supposed to have, cannot possibly be achieved.
Rhythmic pelvic thrusts during sexual activity are among the distinctive characteristics of the class Mammalia. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)