The misconceptions that arise from pornography

Women can engage in sexual activity indefinitely because they are unresponsive with a lover. In porn, multiple orgasms offer a way of explaining how women could be apparently re-aroused indefinitely. Porn actresses moan intermittently throughout the male performance. They build in some smaller climaxes along the way to bring the man on. It’s as if women are aroused and re-aroused on a never-ending basis until the man has had his orgasm. Finally when the man is about to ejaculate, the woman is miraculously also simultaneously ‘satisfied’. Ideally she brings her vocal accompaniment to a final crescendo coincident with male orgasm.

Porno actresses provide vocal accompaniment as a male turn-on. Men don’t have to make all that noise to convince a lover that they have had an orgasm. Women also offer enticements as a tease. “Come on Big Boy! Come and get me! Bet you can’t catch me!” Vocals range from ‘Oh my God!’ to ‘Come on baby. Give it to me!’ Porn actresses indicate their willingness and encourage a man by talking ‘dirty’ or providing ‘sex chat’.

Porn actresses are always smiling or pouting. They look delectable and their make-up is not even smudged. This is not realistic of how a person achieves orgasm. Men never observe a woman truly having an orgasm so they have nothing to compare porn with. The sounds and images of a woman faking orgasm have become the substitute for the real thing. But most women do not know what a real orgasm is. So although men do not respond in this way, such fakery is accepted as if it were reality for women.

The problem with visual media is that we don’t know what is happening inside a person’s head. This is confusing for anyone watching because they assume that a woman is responding naturally to stimulation (rather than acting). Even in erotic literature women are portrayed as being aroused by real-world erotic stimuli just as men do but this does not occur in reality.

Women respond to the sensations of arousal and orgasm much as men do. Women feel much more muted sensations so their reactions are likely to be much less extreme. Orgasm involves focused concentration and responding instinctively to feelings that blot out the real world. A woman typically pants and sighs as least a little in the build up to orgasm. She doubtless pulls a face and groans depending on the strength of her release.

Men do not approach sex expecting to need to provide turn-ons for a lover. When a man is heading for orgasm, he may grunt and his face is focussed in concentration. Anyone who is aiming for orgasm needs to concentrate on the turn-ons and stimulation at hand. A woman also makes little noise while she masturbates until her orgasm when she may grunt or pant a little.

Many women feel pressured by the way women’s sexuality is misrepresented in the media. Some women assume that they are supposed to produce all the same cries of ecstasy, verbal come-ons and proactive engagement that porn actresses use as a male turn-on. Men find porn so convincing that they are disappointed by sexual activity with a real woman.

Modern media make women’s bodies seem even more appealing and accessible. It’s difficult for men to appreciate that the women portrayed are just actresses playing a part. Porn shows women as men would like them to be: sexually willing from the first moment of meeting and quick to show sexual initiative. Porn actresses apparently relish all the body fluids that men appreciate including saliva, ejaculate and vaginal secretions.

One of the most confusing things about how female sexuality is portrayed in erotic fiction, is the implication that women achieve orgasm by stimulating a variety of different anatomy. Women are portrayed as if they obtain amazing pleasure from having the glans of her clitoris stimulated. Even when a woman masturbates, she feels little direct pleasure from stimulating her clitoral organ. Her pleasure is the orgasm at the end.

In porn, a woman is also shown apparently having almost continuous orgasms during penile thrusting. Even men enjoy only arousal, not orgasm, while they are thrusting. Anyone who has an orgasm does not want the same stimulation that caused the orgasm to continue. Yet women are believed to orgasm multiple times and still be willing to engage in sex.

Men are anxious when their penis does not compare well to those shown in pornography. Porn shows men with enormous (regularly shaped) genitals and a constant erection throughout almost endless sexual activity. Porn actors are chosen for penis size and stamina so that they look good on film. Presumably they also get desensitised the visual turn-ons and the stimulation that are involved when participating in a porn movie.

Women often don’t appreciate that men need assistance with their arousal. Men are often too embarrassed to ask. Men assume that all women have the skills of a porn star. Many women never watch pornography. Most women do not appreciate the need for turn-ons. They are offended by men’s crude sexual urges. Even women who do understand turn-ons, are not necessarily comfortable with the deceit involved in such play-acting.

Nothing in porn is real. You need to watch porn knowing that this is all completely fabricated. (Tracey Cox 2012)