Young girls and women can stimulate their vulva, without ever achieving orgasm. Perhaps they are responding to some latent instinct. Perhaps they are experimenting. Perhaps they feel that they should masturbate. It could be that they experience some kind of genital itch. They rub it for a while and then finally stop, seeming satisfied. Perhaps the rubbing has eradicated the itch much as it might do in any other part of the body. These assumed orgasms occur outside any erotic context. Women never refer to turn-ons.
Any activity that starts when a child is pre-pubescent cannot be a true orgasm. Ultimately, regardless of gender we can only start to respond sexually once our sexual anatomy (the sex organ in particular) has developed the ability to become tumescent. A woman needs the sexual maturity to respond to eroticism at a much more sophisticated level than a man does. A young man can be aroused by visual images of body parts or genital activity. Girls learn to masturbate later than boys because their fantasies involve a more psychologically complex mechanism. To masturbate to orgasm, a responsive woman needs to think much more explicitly about penetrative sexual activity.
Female orgasm is not an issue in sexual relationships because the vast majority of women accept sex for what it is. Such women describe orgasm in terms of emotional factors. For some women this means they accept that orgasm does not occur with a lover. For others, they may assume that orgasm occurs but they assume that it is trivial or implicit. Saying that women orgasm from intercourse means that any woman who has intercourse can believe that she has orgasms and reassure herself that she sexually normal as defined by the society we live in. Either way it makes little difference to women’s attitude towards sex. Intercourse relies on a man having an erection and so women can only engage in intercourse by responding to male initiative.
Women’s sexuality is portrayed unrealistically in fictional media, both pornography and movies for general release. Yet women never correct these fabrications. Women’s arousal is largely subconscious and few women are responsive enough to orgasm. This explains women’s lack of interest in their own sexuality and why the male view prevails. The male response to their bodies is the only aspect of their sexuality that most women are aware of.
Being ignorant of what orgasm feel like, some women assume various vague sensations with a lover might be an orgasm. Some women believe they orgasm from intercourse. They may feel mildly pleasurable sensations from the diffuse stimulation of intercourse. These physical or emotional sensations that women feel are all quite normal and do no harm. They are not orgasms because they do not involve a mental response to erotic stimuli. Women’s erotica is often associated with themes of humiliation, domination and sadism. Just as with fear or horror, such themes can cause nervous excitement that women might mistake for sexual arousal but they do not cause orgasm. Orgasm is a mental response to explicitly sexual scenarios.
A responsive woman is surrounded by so much fiction that she assumes that other women may experience arousal and orgasm in situations where she doesn’t. There are so many fictional stories that no one even recognises the truth when they hear about it. A responsive woman has no reason to talk about her enjoyment of masturbation alone. It is only women who are trying to be popular with men who promote their stories. Consequently, female masturbation as portrayed in fictional media reflects fantasies and assumptions rather than how a responsive woman masturbates to orgasm.
Male orgasm is not an issue because it is usually a given. Men’s prime motivation for engaging in sexual activity (alone or with a partner) is their mental arousal. Men’s heads (to varying degrees) are full of sexual thoughts. A man is likely to keep some (less socially acceptable) thoughts to himself out of embarrassment or to avoid offending a lover (particularly a woman). Anyone who has had an orgasm knows that crude sexual thoughts and genital urges are involved. We are embarrassed to admit these urges because they reflect our most private thoughts. This is why we can be sure that women who boast about orgasm have never had one. They are not embarrassed because they don’t understand that sexual arousal (and the resulting orgasm) must arise from thinking about something crude. Women assume that orgasm arises purely from emotional sensations and physical stimulation.
Anyone who is responsive struggles to understand why someone who has never had an orgasm would say that they have. Women refer to orgasm to obtain approval from others and because they are told that they should orgasm. People who advise others about female orgasm or on related issues (such as lack of sexual desire) are never required to explain how women are supposed to achieve these orgasms. Currently it is assumed that women use some unknown mechanism to achieve orgasm at some point with a lover.
Women who know that orgasm is impossible with a lover deserve explicit explanations for why some women can claim what others know is impossible. Female arousal needs to be explained in terms that are compatible with women’s behaviours. These arousal mechanisms need to operate as men’s do by providing a psychological erotic stimulus. The physiological process for achieving orgasm as a result of different anatomy being stimulated by a lover in a variety of ways also needs to be laid out.
How do women learn what an orgasm is? Your parents aren’t talking to you about it. Where would you learn? I don’t know. Maybe they’re reporting orgasms just when they’re having a pleasurable sensation. (Nicole Prause 2014)