Anyone who is responsive struggles to understand why someone who has never had an orgasm would say that they have. Women refer to orgasm because they are told it is normal and they obtain approval from others.
Women’s sexuality is portrayed unrealistically in erotic literature, pornography and movies for general release. Yet women never correct these fabrications and misconceptions. This is because women’s sexuality is not nearly as clearly defined as men’s. Most women never experience arousal because they are unresponsive, which is quite normal for women. So they have no idea how orgasm is achieved. Women’s lack of interest in their own sexuality explains why the male view prevails. Men are much more curious about female orgasm than women are themselves. Men’s presentation of female sexuality is driven by their fantasies. But we have the impression we know how women respond when in reality no one has a clue.
A responsive woman is surrounded by so much fiction that she assumes that other women may experience arousal and orgasm in situations where she doesn’t. There are so many fictional stories that no one even recognises the truth when they hear about it. A responsive woman has no reason to talk about her enjoyment of masturbation alone. It is only women who are trying to be popular with men who promote their stories. Consequently, female masturbation as portrayed in fictional media reflects fantasies and assumptions rather than how a responsive woman masturbates to orgasm.
Male orgasm is not an issue because it is usually a given. Men’s prime motivation for engaging in sexual activity (alone or with a partner) is their mental arousal. Men’s heads (to varying degrees) are full of sexual thoughts. A man is likely to keep some (less socially acceptable) thoughts to himself out of embarrassment or to avoid offending a lover (particularly a woman).
Anyone who has had an orgasm knows that crude sexual thoughts and genital urges are involved. We have a natural tendency to be embarrassed to admit these thoughts and urges. This is why we can be sure that women who boast about orgasm have never had one. They are not embarrassed because they don’t understand that sexual arousal (and the resulting orgasm) must arise from thinking about something crude. Women assume that orgasm arises purely from emotional sensations and physical stimulation.
Female orgasm is not an issue in sexual relationships because the vast majority of women accept sex for what it is. Such women describe orgasm in terms of emotional factors. For some women this means they accept that orgasm does not occur with a lover. For others, they may assume that orgasm occurs but they assume that it is trivial or implicit. Saying that women orgasm from intercourse means that any woman who has intercourse can believe that she has orgasms and reassure herself that she is so-called sexually normal. Either way it makes little difference to women’s attitude towards sex. Intercourse relies on a man having an erection and so women can only engage in intercourse by responding to male initiative.
Being ignorant of what orgasm feel like, some women assume various vague sensations with a lover might be an orgasm. Some women believe they orgasm from intercourse. They may feel mildly pleasurable sensations from the diffuse stimulation of intercourse. These physical or emotional sensations that women feel are all quite normal and do no harm. They are not orgasms because they do not involve a mental response to erotic stimuli.
Young girls and women can stimulate their vulva, without ever achieving orgasm. Perhaps they are responding to some latent instinct. Perhaps they are experimenting. Perhaps they feel that they should masturbate. It could be that they experience some kind of genital itch. They rub it for a while and then finally stop, seeming satisfied. Perhaps the rubbing has eradicated the itch much as it might do in any other part of the body. These assumed orgasms occur outside any erotic context. Women never refer to turn-ons.
Women’s erotica is often associated with themes of humiliation, domination and sadism. Just as with fear or horror, such themes can cause nervous excitement that women might mistake for arousal but they do not cause orgasm. Orgasm is a mental response to explicitly sexual scenarios.
Any activity that starts when a child is pre-pubescent cannot be a true orgasm. A woman needs the sexual maturity to respond to eroticism at a much more sophisticated level than a man does. A young man can be aroused by visual images of body parts or genital activity. Girls learn to masturbate later than boys because their fantasies are more complex. To masturbate to orgasm, a responsive woman needs to think much more deeply and explicitly about penetrative sexual activity. Ultimately, regardless of gender we can only start to respond sexually once our sexual anatomy (the sex organ in particular) has developed the ability to become tumescent.
How do women learn what an orgasm is? Your parents aren’t talking to you about it. Where would you learn? I don’t know. Maybe they’re reporting orgasms just when they’re having a pleasurable sensation. (Nicole Prause 2014)