Men are much more curious about female masturbation than women are themselves. Female masturbation is portrayed in visual media or erotic literature but these accounts portray fantasies and assumptions rather than the reality of how a woman truly masturbates to orgasm. There are so many fictional and inaccurate stories and almost no true accounts. Why should a woman who enjoys orgasm alone ever talk about her experiences? In any case, no one knows how to differentiate between reality and erotic fiction.
Pornography and movies for general release show women masturbating in similar situations to how a man might masturbate. These portrayals are silently accepted by women in the population even though they are incorrect. This fictional representation of women’s sexuality is primarily driven by male curiosity and male fantasy but it gives us the impression that we know how women respond when in fact no one has the slightest idea.
Any activity that starts when a child is pre-pubescent cannot be a true orgasm. A few boys do orgasm spontaneously at this age but these are one-offs. A woman needs the sexual maturity to respond to eroticism at a much more sophisticated level than a man does. A young man can be aroused by visual images of body parts or genital activity. Girls learn to masturbate later than boys because their fantasies are more complex. A woman needs to think much more deeply and explicitly about penetrative sexual activity.
Young girls and women can stimulate their vulva, without ever achieving orgasm. Perhaps they are responding to some latent instinct. Perhaps they are experimenting. Perhaps they feel that they should masturbate. It could be that they experience some kind of genital itch. They rub it for a while and then finally stop, seeming satisfied. Perhaps the rubbing has eradicated the itch much as it might do in any other part of the body. These assumed orgasms occur outside any erotic context. Women never refer to turn-ons.
Men’s prime motivation for engaging in sexual activity (alone or with a partner) is their mental arousal. Men’s heads (to varying degrees) are full of sexual thoughts. A man is likely to keep some (less socially acceptable) thoughts to himself out of embarrassment or to avoid offending a lover (particularly a woman). Being ignorant of what orgasm feel like, some women assume various vague sensations with a lover might be an orgasm.
In very rare cases a woman has so many orgasms that she needs a trip to hospital to stop them. This is not a response to erotic stimuli. This is purely a nervous system disorder. There are a number of nervous system phenomena that have symptoms in common with orgasm. These include anger, fear and epilepsy. Orgasm is defined by the pleasure a person enjoys from the psychological erotic stimuli that caused their arousal.
Female orgasm is not an issue in sexual relationships. Neither is male orgasm but for different reasons. Male orgasm is not an issue because it is usually a given. Female orgasm is not an issue because women accept sex as it is. For some women this means they accept that orgasm does not occur with a lover. For others, they may assume that orgasm occurs but they assume it is trivial or implicit. They describe orgasm in terms of emotional factors. Either way it makes little difference to women’s attitude towards sex.
Some women believe they orgasm from intercourse. They are most likely feeling mildly pleasurable sensations. These physical or emotional sensations that women feel are all quite normal and do no harm. They are not orgasms because they do not involve a mental response to erotic stimuli.
Intercourse relies on a man having an erection. Women can only engage in intercourse as a response to male initiative. So saying that female orgasm occurs during intercourse allows any woman who has ever had intercourse to believe that she might have had an orgasm and so be considered sexually normal, so-called. Yet intercourse is initiated and driven by male sex drive.
Sex provides men with both physical gratification and the satisfaction of expressing their masculinity. Women don’t obtain physical gratification from sex. Women have sex for fun, for ego or to obtain a non-sexual reward such as a free meal. Most women have sex with someone they care about.
Anyone who has had an orgasm knows that crude sexual thoughts and genital urges are involved. We have a natural tendency to be embarrassed to admit these thoughts and urges. This is why we can be sure that women who boast about orgasm have never had one. They are not embarrassed because they don’t understand that sexual arousal (and the resulting orgasm) must arise from thinking about something crude. Women assume that orgasm arises purely from emotional sensations and physical stimulation.
Women’s erotica is often associated with themes of humiliation, domination and sadism. Just as with fear or horror, such themes can cause nervous excitement that women might mistake for arousal but they do not cause orgasm. Orgasm is a mental response to explicitly sexual scenarios.
How do women learn what an orgasm is? Your parents aren’t talking to you about it. Where would you learn? I don’t know. Maybe they’re reporting orgasms just when they’re having a pleasurable sensation. (Nicole Prause 2014)