Most adults would probably agree on the need to educate children about sex. But it is much more difficult to obtain consensus on what children should be told. No one is confident about what children should be told because of the contradictions, the harassment, the manipulation, the deceit and the exploitation. There are many sources promoting fantasies but few providing factual information. Exploitative images and misleading sex information abound. Schools have very few resources to draw on. Given the rejection of the research findings, all we have are personal opinions. It is difficult to find two people who agree. The facts and findings are typically in direct conflict with the emotional and political beliefs many adults have.
We can demonstrate an unbiased view by explaining:
- The biological and evolutionary precedents for sexual responsiveness;
- How and why men and women’s sexual behaviours differ; and
- How orgasm is achieved regardless of sex and orientation.
Girls deserve a rational account of men’s emotional needs including an understanding of men’s sex drive to ejaculate through intercourse. Men’s behaviours cannot be explained in terms of the romance that women enjoy. It’s equally impossible to explain the concept of consent without being honest about the very different rewards men and women obtain from sex. Sex education needs to differentiate between fantasy and fact so that women have an account of female sexuality that doesn’t make them feel exploited.
Boys deserve a rational account of women’s emotional needs including an understanding of why most girls hope for an emotional connection before they are willing to have sex. Women’s behaviours cannot be explained in terms of the eroticism that men enjoy. Teenage boys need to understand that penetrative sex involves responsibilities and a need to respect a lover.
The fact that sex information is so wrong today reflects the fear that dominates the topic: fear of ridicule, fear of failure, fear of knowledge and fear of the truth. We tell children to be honest. Yet in the adult world men and women lie, swindle and cheat. Men kill, rob and rape. Women are less openly aggressive but they’re hardly saints. Nevertheless, when it comes to sex, we suggest that no one ever embellishes, exaggerates or fabricates stories. Most men think the joys of sexual pleasure should be promoted. While most women want to inform youngsters of the many dangers of sexual activity.
Anyone who tries to talk about sex in public, quickly picks up on the negativity that surrounds the topic. The fact that there is a sex positive movement implies there are negative aspects to sex. What are these? Why do they arise? And what can be done to address (rather than ignore) them? Our sexual experiences cover a broad spectrum of situations that cannot possibly be 100% positive for everyone all of the time. Inevitably there are disappointments and regrets. If we never discuss these disadvantages, we are not presenting an honest view of sex. Sex is not always loving or erotic.
Promiscuity, when carried to extremes, often does not provide emotional happiness. Most parents instinctively shelter their children (even boys) from sex. They hope a son will overcome the temptations of eroticism and settle down with a nice girl to raise a family. Men are motivated by the erotic turn-ons needed for arousal and by the orgasm that arises from stimulating consistent anatomy. Women lack similar explanations for their presumed motivation and yet it is implied that women enjoy the same pleasure as men. Sexual pleasure is often associated with sex outside relationships. Most people are confused if carnal lust is mentioned in the context of marital sex.
There are massive holes in the logic surrounding our beliefs about women’s sexuality. We are so accustomed to fiction being promoted as fact that we simply accept it. Movies for general release (mostly produced by men) portray women’s sexuality as men think it should be. Some women accept unrealistic portrayals of female orgasm (through nipple stimulation, vaginal penetration and cunnilingus) because they increase women’s attractiveness.
Sexologists promote their theories on female orgasm as if they are gospel that can never be questioned. No one challenges these theories nor is there any supporting evidence for them. They appear to be unaware of the benefit of an alternative point of view. The sexology community is regulated by organisations that ensure members promote messages that are acceptable to the political activists. Any sexual references are general rather than explicit so as not to offend anyone. Educators insist that consent is vital and yet they confuse the message by simultaneously promoting sex as a mutual pleasure.
There is no research or any evidence from society to support the male fantasy that women enjoy the same physical gratification from sex that men do. Prostitution has always involved men paying for the erotic pleasure they enjoy from women’s bodies. Likewise lap-dancing bars, strip-tease shows, pole-dancing bars and pornography are all aimed at a male audience. Few women would participate even if they were paid. The pleasure men enjoy from sex encompasses much more than orgasm. Nevertheless, as soon as society learned of the possibility of female orgasm, it was used to justify women’s motivation for engaging in both casual and marital sex. Yet most women clearly only ever engage in sexual activity within a loving relationship.
Sexual histories often involve a record of things that have hurt, of frustrations, of pain, of unsatisfied longings, of disappointment, of desperately tragic situations, and of compete catastrophe. (Alfred Kinsey)
Excerpt from Learn About Sexuality (ISBN 978-0956-894748)