Learn About Sexuality

Asking young women to define female sexuality

Scientists have suggested various anatomy that might be involved in female orgasm. No research was necessary to establish the male sex organ. Men know (and their lovers know) what anatomy is involved in male orgasm. Scientists proposed theories about female sexual anatomy because women themselves (and their lovers) did not know. Despite the variety of theories, none of them has been unanimously confirmed by women.

Young women assume sex must be amazingly pleasurable because their families and society try to protect them from it. They may hear about sexual pleasure through erotic fiction. Naturally they overlook the possibility that fiction might not be the same as reality. Nor do they perhaps appreciate the significance of the fact that pornography and prostitution are both primarily enjoyed by men. This ignorance is further compounded because no one is willing to state the fact that sex is primarily a male pleasure.

Just as young people continue to smoke (despite knowing it kills), women are tempted to try sex (with all its risks) because of the association with adulthood. They also assume there must be some pleasure involved. Otherwise, why would adults do it? In truth adults, just like teenagers, do many stupid things. They do them to be accepted by their social group. They do them because they think they will be admired by others. They do them because they think they are supposed to do these things.

Women worldwide make money out of promoting sex either through the sex industry or sex therapy. There is nothing wrong with women promoting sex as a wonderful experience. What is wrong is when they use the word ‘orgasm’ to describe those experiences. Anyone who has a true orgasm can account for the anatomy and erotic turn-ons involved. They are referring to emotional and sensual sensations at best. This needs to be made clear.

Naturally young women are impressed by men’s confidence. They are full of romantic illusions and curiosity because of inexperience and the optimism of youth. Young women are looking for a supportive mate. They enjoy the novelty of their popularity with men. Older women appreciate that men are promoting their own sexual interests. Young women ignore older women’s advice, assuming that their popularity with men is resented. Fathers try to protect their daughters from irresponsible young men.

A man may accept that his mother is not aroused by pornography. But a man differentiates between the women he considers to be sexual (young, attractive and easily impressed) and older women. Men define women’s sexuality in terms of their willingness to encourage male arousal and to be amenable to intercourse. As women age they have less motivation to provide the behaviours that indicate a woman’s sexual amenability.

Women are more confident about admitting that intercourse does not cause orgasm as they age, by acquiring status or wealth and through education. Women who have intellectual confidence, are emotionally self-sufficient and who have financial independence tend to be less sexually willing. They have less to gain by offering sex because they don’t need to depend on men for support. So they don’t feel as obliged to provide what men need.

If women had a positive experience of sex, then older women would be more amenable than young women. Older women are less amenable because they have learned from experience. They are more confident and more outspoken about the conclusions they have drawn after decades of experience. Critically mature women no longer need anything from men.

Women represent a particular educational challenge because they are not nearly as curious as men are about sexual phenomena. Women often fail to realise that they are ignorant of the specifics of sexual response. They carefully avoid any sexual content whether fictional or otherwise. Women rarely participate in any kind of informed sexual discussion. They assume that their romantic and emotional interpretations of sex can substitute for knowledge of how sexual arousal and orgasm are achieved in reality.

Most people feel that it is inappropriate to talk about sexual matters in front of children as well as teenage girls. The embarrassment centres on the fantasies that men weave around female sexuality. In the same way, sex educators typically provide medical and biological facts but carefully avoid talking about sexual pleasure. Women are often offended by references to sexual pleasure because of the focus on male gratification.

Sexuality is shaped by culture and history. For example, a hundred years ago a woman who loved sex could be regarded as being mentally disturbed, whereas today if you don’t love sex you could end up being diagnosed as dysfunctional. (Bella Ellwood-Clayton 2013)

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