Learn About Sexuality

Women fake orgasm to reassure men’s sexual ego

Kinsey’s research revealed that some women orgasm when masturbating alone. Previously no one even dreamed that women were even capable of orgasm. Yet generations of men had no difficulty achieving orgasm from intercourse. Female orgasm with a lover is a modern justification for sex that reassures men of women’s continuing willingness to offer intercourse.

Men say they want to be a good lover but all their assumptions rest on the fact that a woman can orgasm with a lover. This fantasy causes women to fake. Some women realise that a man’s sexual performance is vital to his emotional well-being. If a woman wants to give her lover the satisfaction of apparently giving her an orgasm, then she is obliged to fake.

Women learn that if a man cannot find release via intercourse and the sense that he has satisfied his lover, his whole world falls apart. The problem with honesty over sex is that men want regular intercourse regardless of women’s feelings. A man needs to be aroused and to feel accepted in his sexual relationship. He relies on turn-ons to some degree even if these are only in his head. So women fake orgasm to keep men happy.

Men appear to have an almost infantile need to believe in their fantasies of arousing women. Woman, who love men, haven’t got the heart to disillusion them. Even if women tell men that sex doesn’t provide them with the same pleasure, men just don’t get it. A man’s sexual ego means that for his whole life he can believe (in spite of all the contrary evidence) that the women in his life wanted sex just as much as he did every time.

The fact that every animal in nature mates by the male mounting the female does not persuade him. The fact that women have to be paid to have sex does not persuade him. The fact that women want a relationship, probably a legal one, to offer sex over the longer term does not persuade him. A man needs to believe that a woman enjoys sexual activity as much as he does so that he can be reassured of an on-going and regular sexual outlet.

A man assumes that a woman should tell him what he needs to do. It never seems to occur to men that women don’t know. Stimulation is easy enough to supply once a person is aroused. The difficult issue is arousal. No one can name any female erotic turn-ons. If a woman is unenthusiastic about intercourse which does nothing to excite her, a man takes this as a personal rejection. Instead of accepting that women do not experience sexual pleasure as men do, his focus is his concern about satisfying his own needs.

Rather than face their own fears, men pass on the taboo of sexual inadequacy to women. In addition to the other disadvantages of sex that are attributed to women (abortion, prostitution and illegitimate children), women are also labelled ‘frigid’ if they do not fake orgasm. It is totally insensitive of men to blame women because they do not experience the same pleasure than men do from sexual activity. This is like blaming a blind man because he cannot see some spectacular sight that you enjoy.

Most of the time a woman is only likely to offer intercourse where a man makes all the effort. A woman may offer to pleasure a man occasionally. She may also be willing to let him pleasure her sometimes. A woman needs to be in the mood to be willing to give a man the time to do this. This is likely to occur sporadically and relies on many factors such as a woman’s general state of happiness and the state of the relationship with her lover.

If sex is purely a thrust and grunt affair that is quickly dealt with, a woman may need to provide little engagement. The average time a man lasts (from penetration until ejaculation) is only two minutes. But men who enjoy eroticism like to extend the time they devote to sex by offering foreplay. This make sex more onerous for a woman. It is not just the time involved but also the need for a woman to spend longer being part of the activity.

Faking orgasm provides an easy way for a woman to speed up sex and get it over with as quickly as possible. If a woman lies (by faking orgasm) to a man he finds her hugely attractive. If she’s honest then he finds another woman. What do men expect? Some women consider faking to be humiliating and frankly ridiculous. Supposedly 50-80% of women fake. Just because a woman doesn’t fake, it doesn’t mean she has an orgasm. Many women decide not to bother with making all that ridiculous noise.

She knows how personally you are going to take it when she can’t orgasm, and it makes her dread having sex because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and then feel even more inadequate. (Sophie Martin 2013)

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