Sunday, June 16, 2019
Home Intellectual aspects of sexuality The sexual mind How we know women do not orgasm with a lover

How we know women do not orgasm with a lover

Intercourse and cunnilingus involve different female anatomy. During intercourse a woman is assumed to respond in a way that is complementary to the male anatomy. She is supposed to orgasm through stimulation of the vagina. By contrast, during cunnilingus a woman is assumed to respond in a way that mirrors a man’s anatomy. In this situation a woman is assumed orgasm through stimulation of the clitoris. No one, neither women themselves nor their lovers, ever comment on this obvious contradiction.

The implication is that different women achieve orgasm by stimulating different anatomy. Alternatively, the suggestion is that the same woman achieves orgasm on different occasions by stimulating different anatomy. Both of these suggestions are nonsensical and not backed by the male experience. No one can have two sex organs. Neither can sexual responses vary between women. The mechanism by which orgasm is achieved must be the same for everyone regardless of sex or orientation. Orgasm involves massaging the blood-flow (resulting from mental arousal) within the phallus.

Men go to prostitutes to obtain the fellatio they can’t get at home. Women never pay for cunnilingus. Some men offer cunnilingus because they enjoy extending their own arousal. The male desire to pleasure a woman causes much of the confusion over female orgasm. A woman feels little sensation but she may accept cunnilingus if a man offers. Many more men talk about cunnilingus than women do. There is certainly no widespread discontent among women that there are men who are unwilling to provide cunnilingus.

The surgical removal of a girl’s clitoris (grossly misnamed female circumcision) ensures that she will never discover masturbation. This practise is accepted by women, which indicates the rarity of female masturbation and therefore of female orgasm. Female circumcision is clear evidence that clitoral stimulation does not cause orgasm with a lover. Men would never eliminate a means of women having an orgasm with them.

Only female sexuality is political. No one tries to claim amazing sexual feats on behalf of men. The few women who comment provide accounts straight out of erotic fiction. They assert that orgasm is easy rather than providing any evidence of sexual pleasure. Women list various possible body parts as the source of their orgasms and typically cite porn as their means of arousal. They repeat simple mantras such as ‘I love sex!’ or ‘Sex is wonderful!’. They have no appreciation that orgasm occurs as a result of mental arousal.

Responsive women masturbate as a means of getting to sleep. The feeling of lassitude after orgasm assists with the relaxation needed for sleep. The effect is much stronger for men. This is why men often fall asleep readily after having sex. While women are left wide awake. This is one of the indications that sexual activity with a lover does not cause female orgasm.

Some women suggest they stimulate themselves (or a lover does) while engaging in intercourse. They claim to orgasm by stimulating the clitoris (they probably mean the glans) either by hand or with a vibrator. It’s difficult to imagine how this would work with most men. A man arrives at a sexual opportunity already highly aroused. The idea that he waits for a woman to masturbate herself in front of him before he is motivated to want intercourse, just doesn’t add up. Statistics indicate that men thrust into a vagina for an average of 2 minutes before ejaculating. Women take longer to orgasm than men do. So a woman would either have to start stimulating herself before intercourse or continue stimulating herself afterwards. This activity is neither loving nor sociable and it is difficult to imagine couples continuing for long to engage in what amounts to parallel masturbation.

A key question is why a woman would want to masturbate during intercourse. Why would she not masturbate alone without the distraction of a lover who might interrupt her enjoyment of orgasm? It’s tempting to think that she wants to share her orgasm with a lover but this is just because we are accustomed to women’s sexual role of providing male turn-ons.

The other issue is responsiveness. The implication is that a woman can orgasm whenever she chooses but in particular every time a man does. This is highly unlikely. Gay men may orgasm in a similar time frame to each other because they are aroused by the activity and anatomy on hand. But women are much less responsive than men and not aroused by real-world erotic stimuli. It is simply not possible for a woman to orgasm on demand.

The key reason women (even lesbians) do not orgasm by any means with a lover is that there are no naturally occurring erotic turn-ons that arouse women. If any form of clitoral stimulation (oral or manual) were to cause female orgasm with a lover, women would have no reason to accept intercourse with all its risks. Given women’s lack of arousal with a lover, their only proactive option is to provide stimulation and turn-ons to assist with male orgasm. Women would be less willing to accept intercourse if they could orgasm with a lover by other means. Men’s high responsiveness and women’s low responsiveness both contribute to reproduction.

The male, with his higher level of sexual responsiveness, is the one who is more often interested in making oral contacts, and it is the wife who is more often offended. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)