Learn About Sexuality

How we know women do not orgasm with a lover

Intercourse and cunnilingus involve different female anatomy. During intercourse a woman is assumed to respond in a way that is complementary to the male anatomy. She is supposed to orgasm through stimulation of the vagina. By contrast, during cunnilingus a woman is assumed to respond in a way that mirrors a man’s anatomy. In this situation a woman is assumed orgasm through stimulation of the clitoris. No one, neither women themselves nor their lovers, ever comment on this obvious contradiction.

The implication is that individual women achieve orgasm by a completely different mechanism that involves stimulating different anatomy. Alternatively, the suggestion is that the same woman achieves orgasm on different occasions from stimulating different anatomy. Both these suggestions are nonsensical and not backed by the male experience. It is not possible for women (any more than men) to have two sex organs. Neither can female sexual responses vary between women. The mechanism by which orgasm is achieved must be the same for everyone regardless of sex or orientation. The phallus is always involved in orgasm.

Alfred Kinsey noted from his research that the techniques of foreplay tend to be incompatible with a person achieving orgasm. Orgasm is achieved by some applying consistent stimulation (specifically this involves a rhythmic massaging of the sex organ). Men tend to stimulate various parts of a woman’s body so that both the stimulation and the anatomy keeps changing. It is often implied that men are not sensitive or selfless enough to know how to stimulate a woman. Not only do women not stimulate themselves but they cannot tell a lover how to stimulate them correctly.

Many more men talk about providing women with cunnilingus than there are women who talk about their enjoyment of it. There is certainly no widespread discontent among women that men are unwilling to provide cunnilingus. Why should cunnilingus be any more difficult than fellatio? No one acknowledges that these details are rarely discussed by anyone.

The surgical removal of a girl’s clitoris (grossly misnamed ‘female circumcision’) ensures that she will never discover masturbation. This practise is accepted by women, which indicates the rarity of female masturbation and therefore of female orgasm. Female circumcision is clear evidence that clitoral stimulation does not cause orgasm with a lover. Men would never eliminate a means of women having an orgasm with them.

Some women claim to masturbate themselves with a lover, by using a vibrator for example. It’s difficult to imagine how this would work with most men. A man arrives at a sexual opportunity already highly aroused. The idea that he waits for a woman to masturbate herself in front of him before he is motivated to want intercourse, just doesn’t add up. Perhaps women are implying that they masturbate themselves after a man has had his orgasm. But then one has to question why they need a man to do this.

Few women comment on orgasm. Those who do give accounts straight out of erotic fiction. They focus on asserting that orgasm is possible rather than providing any evidence of sexual pleasure. These orgasm claims are simple boasts. Women list various possible body parts as the source of their orgasms and typically cite porn as their means of arousal. They repeat simple mantras such as ‘I love sex!’ or ‘Sex is wonderful!’. They have not appreciation that orgasm occurs as a result of what happens in the mind.

The clitoris is a much less sensitive organ than the penis. A woman can use clitoral stimulation to enjoy orgasm but only when she masturbates alone. Given a choice a woman finds the romantic scenario much more emotionally rewarding than the erotic. A woman undoubtedly enjoys a fraction of the physical and emotional sensations of a man’s orgasm. Women use masturbation as a means of getting to sleep. The feeling of lassitude after orgasm assists with getting to sleep. But the effect is much stronger for men. This is why men often fall asleep readily after having sex. While women are left wide awake. This is one of the indications that sexual activity with a lover does not cause female arousal and orgasm.

A woman has no need to orgasm with a lover. But some women like to please a love by saying that they orgasm. It is this male need to pleasure a woman that causes much of the confusion over female orgasm. Certainly, there is no sex drive at work because female orgasm is very evidently an optional extra that is not part of sociable activity. The key reason that a woman (even a lesbian) does not orgasm (by any means) is that there are no naturally occurring turn-ons that  arouse women with a lover.

If any form of clitoral stimulation (oral or manual) were to cause female orgasm with a lover, women would have no reason to accept intercourse with all its risks. Given women’s lack of arousal with a lover, their only proactive option is to provide stimulation and turn-ons to assist with male orgasm. Women would be less inclined to cooperate with intercourse if they could achieve orgasm through other means. Men’s responsiveness and women’s lack of responsiveness both contribute to reproduction.

The male, with his higher level of sexual responsiveness, is the one who is more often interested in making oral contacts, and it is the wife who is more often offended. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)

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