Regardless of gender, sexual activity that is aimed at achieving orgasm involves continuous rhythmic movements of the whole body focused on the pelvis. A woman achieves orgasm by kneading the internal clitoral organ rhythmically by pushing her fingers down from the bud towards the perineum. When we are aiming for orgasm we may tense our buttocks and point our toes. These subconscious reflexes that result from the instinctive urge to achieve orgasm cannot be applied to cause orgasm. No adult has an orgasm without first being mentally aroused.
In men the increase in blood flow causes a significant stiffening of the genital structures (particularly the penis). In younger women there is little discernible swelling of the genital structures but in older women (over the age of forty) there can be some noticeable swelling around the labia indicating tumescence (but not rigidity as in the male) of the clitoral organ.
Mental arousal causes an increase in sensitivity of the penis or clitoris, which when combined with a mental focus on eroticism (either the innate eroticism of the sexual activity or imagined scenarios) enables a person to stimulate themselves to orgasm.
The kind of stimulation that leads to orgasm is very specific and involves massaging the erectile organ (penis/clitoris) or more specifically the blood-flow within these sex organs. Ideally we control our own stimulation because only we know the state of our own mind and how we can best synchronise genital stimulation to optimise the mental impact of orgasm (satisfaction obtained from sexual release).
When a man thinks about achieving orgasm, the first thing he does is stimulate his penis. This is because he is already aroused. His arousal and the fact that he has an erection is his motivation for engaging in sexual activity of any kind.
A woman is not aroused as a man is by natural triggers in the social environment. She needs to engage her mind on a fantasy that might cause her to become aroused enough to achieve orgasm. So there is an initial phase to female masturbation where a woman concentrates foremost on thinking about a sexual scenario that might arouse her.
During this phase she places her hands in position over her vulva and she may periodically push her fingers down over her clitoris. She also moves her hips from side to side or in a circular motion while thinking about her fantasy. This phase is when she decides if anything is going to happen. If there is an opportunity for orgasm, then her genitals respond very mildly to both the physical stimulation and to what she is thinking about. Her clitoral stimulation becomes more focused once she gets to the point in the fantasy where she can feel a build-up in body tension and in genital arousal.
When a man engages in intercourse he clenches his buttocks as he thrusts. This is because he is thrusting into the body of another relatively static person. The thrust of his pelvic comes up against a firm obstacle (or a stop) in the form of his lover’s body. He can thrust only to a certain point that is defined by the length of his erect penis.
When a woman masturbates to orgasm she emulates this movement. Her fingers substitute for the ‘stop’ of a lover’s body as she thrusts, tightening her buttock muscles. All this is instinctively done. The mind is focused on arousal.
If the woman is on top during intercourse, she’s still stimulating her lover’s penis with her vagina. Even the proposal that there is a hyper-sensitive spot somewhere within the vagina cannot change the fact that orgasm is not achieved by someone prodding, jabbing or poking at a piece of our anatomy. This kind of random thumping could never cause orgasm. Even a man would struggle to orgasm from a lover bumping against his penis.
The anus and the entrance (vestibule) to the vagina have some sensitivity. But the internal organs (vagina and rectum) are much less sensitive. So the kind of stimulation that might lead to female orgasm includes anal intercourse or using the fingers of one hand (fisting) to stimulate the entrance of the vagina. But always simultaneously with clitoral stimulation.
Both alone and with a lover, a woman lies on her front with her eyes closed. While masturbating, her intense focus on fantasy provides a sense of sexual release quite different to climax with a lover, which takes longer. With a lover a woman needs to focus on the sensations of being penetrated (anal intercourse combined with clitoral stimulation). A woman masturbates by moving her hips rhythmically but with a lover she lies relatively still.
A rhythmic development of muscular tensions is probably the most important of all the physiologic changes which occur when an animal responds sexually. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)