Learn About Sexuality

How a couple can bring variety to intercourse

For many people, penetration is the ultimate turn-on because it represents the most intimate act with another person. But if a man offers it from the first moment of a sexual encounter (or five seconds later), a woman never has time to feel that it would be nice to have. When combined with a face-to-face position, intercourse allows for the loving aspects of sexual relationships. Most of the time heterosexuals use the missionary position. Other popular positions include ‘woman on top’ and ‘doggy style’ with the man behind.

If a woman does not feel sufficiently aroused to want to engage in more explicit sex play, then intercourse provides the least effort option. A man holds his erect penis between his lover’s legs to find the entrance to her vagina. She may assist by spreading her legs to allow him to penetrate her more easily. The man then thrusts rhythmically into her vagina as the woman kisses or caresses him allowing him the time he needs to ejaculate.

A woman knows with experience that whatever sex play a couple engages in as a warm-up, sexual activity with a man always ends with intercourse. If a woman does not feel particularly tuned-in to sexual activity, she would just as soon get intercourse out of the way. It’s going to happen regardless and it would seem to be the way that a man finds his greatest release.

Lovers can both enjoy intimate kissing and sensual touching. A woman can lift her legs up and hug them around her lover’s back. Either may run their hands over their lover’s back. A woman can squeeze her man’s buttocks perhaps pulling him towards her. She can tense her pelvic floor muscles to squeeze his penis inside her, which increases the stimulation of his penis. A woman can use her tongue to simulate thrusting in her lover’s mouth synchronised with his own rhythm.

As the key participant in intercourse, the man should bring some variety to the lead-in, pace and rhythm of intercourse. A woman may enjoy the eroticism of being dominated (from the whole body contact and his weight) and the psychological satisfaction of being penetrated (from knowing that his penis is deep inside her body).

Intercourse provides little internal sensation but a woman feels some external pressure. When a man thrusts deeply the base of his penis thumps against her vulva and perineum (towards the anus). The woman may enjoy mild sensations of arousal, especially when her partner’s groin grinds into her labia and clitoris. A man can demonstrate his affection for his lover offering intercourse by kissing and caressing her. Bathing, massage, porn movies and sex toys can all bring variety to a couple’s sex life.

Some men fantasize about having intercourse outdoors or in unusual places. Some couples build in a change of venue to their sex lives either on a regular or ad hoc basis. Some people enjoy the risk of being caught or observed in public venues such as public transport or the cinema. Some people like to watch and others like to be watched. Dogging is popular in the UK, which involves couples having sex (often in the car) in woods that are designated for the purpose so that others (primarily men) can watch. Others may prefer to be assured of the privacy and seclusion of venues such as a private garden or a remote countryside location.

‘Quickies’ often involve a standing position. The woman can support herself against an object (a tree, a table or the side of the shower) or lean over at 90 degrees and rest face down. When combined with rear entry, quickies allow the man to focus on the satisfaction of ejaculating into a woman’s vagina. If a woman usually moves her hips it can be pleasant for the woman to have the excuse to do absolutely nothing.

A man should change his rhythm of thrusting and depth of penetration by alternating between teasing the glans of his penis in the entrance of her vagina (the most sensitive part) and using longer thrusts. A man can use his body weight to provide a sense of domination. A man can tell a woman what he is thinking as he stimulates her from behind. A man should talk in terms of urges, domination and possession rather than the graphic detail that men enjoy. A man can stroke the area between a woman’s thighs (from clitoris through to anus). He can hold her butt cheeks apart before and as he penetrates her. He can use a hand to hold a woman firmly down as he dominates her (only with her permission!).

Unfortunately for men, women are not as interested in intercourse or sexual activity of any kind with any kind of regularity. If a woman offers sexual pleasuring, she has to make a conscious decision to please her lover. If a man’s sex life is reduced to ‘quickies’ he could try to find different venues and positions. Even if it’s only rear entry bent over a table or in the shower. Quickies can keep it more interesting for both sides! ‘Quickies’ are necessarily ‘banging sessions’. But if this is the only technique a man uses then over time a woman feels like a receptacle for semen.

Just as in the human species, it is the male among practically all of the mammals which initiates the ultimate genital union. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)

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