Learn About Sexuality

How a couple can bring variety to intercourse

For many people, penetration is the ultimate turn-on because it is the most intimate act we can engage in with another person. Different positions bring some variety to a very basic mating act. Women are much less interested in different positions. Rear entry can be more explicit and erotic.

Positions for intercourse include ‘woman on top’ and ‘doggy style’ with the man behind. Different positions for intercourse are popular with men because they allow more explicit views of the thrusting action. Couples experiment for a while but they usually resume missionary style intercourse. This position involves least work for the woman and gives the man the best position to control the stimulation he obtains from thrusting.

Lovers can both enjoy intimate kissing and sensual touching. A woman can use her tongue to simulate thrusting in her lover’s mouth synchronised with his rhythm of thrusting. She can lift her legs up and hug them around her lover’s back. A woman can squeeze her man’s buttocks perhaps pulling him towards her. She can tense her pelvic floor muscles to squeeze his penis inside her. She may run her hands over her lover’s back.

‘Quickies’ can be erotic when used in different venues and positions. ‘Quickies’ often involve a standing position even if it’s only rear entry bent over a table or in the shower. The woman can support herself against an object (a tree, a table or the side of the shower) or lean over at 90 degrees and rest face down. If a woman usually moves her hips it can be pleasant to have the excuse to do absolutely nothing. A man’s need to ejaculate into an orifice is clear and a woman may end up feeling like a receptacle for semen. If a couple has a positive relationship, the rewards go both ways.

Some men fantasize about having intercourse outdoors or in unusual places. Some couples change the venue for sex on an ad hoc basis. Some people enjoy the risk of being caught or observed in venues such as public transport or the cinema. Some people like to watch and some like to be watched. Dogging is popular in the UK, which involves couples having sex (often in the car) in woods that are designated for the purpose so that others (primarily men) can watch. Others may prefer the privacy and seclusion of venues such as a private garden or a remote rural location.

Some couples may enjoy dressing up or using fantasy role play to play act sexual scenarios. Some couples are attracted to tickling, spanking and other so-called kink activities. It’s all part of the fun. What appeals depends on personality and a person’s fantasies. Much of this activity is purely sensual.

A man can tell a woman what he is thinking as he stimulates her from behind. A man should talk in terms of urges, domination and possession rather than the graphic detail that men enjoy. A man can stroke the area between a woman’s thighs (from clitoris through to anus). He can hold her butt cheeks apart before and as he penetrates her. He can use a hand to hold a woman firmly down as he dominates her (only with her permission!).

A man should change his rhythm of thrusting and depth of penetration by alternating between teasing the glans of his penis in the entrance of her vagina (the most sensitive part) and using longer thrusts. A man can use his body weight to provide a sense of domination. When a man thrusts deeply the base of his penis thumps against her vulva and perineum (towards the anus). The woman may enjoy mild sensations of arousal, especially when her partner’s groin grinds into her labia and clitoris.

A woman may enjoy the eroticism of being dominated (from the whole body contact and his weight) and the psychological satisfaction of being penetrated (from knowing that his penis is deep inside her body). Intercourse provides little internal sensation but a woman can feel external pressure. A man can demonstrate affection by kissing and caressing her.

BDSM involves the use of physical restraints that limit a person’s range of motion and play-acting of submissive and dominant roles by consenting adults. To increase safety, couples use a ‘safe word’ so that the person in the submissive role can stop all activity. They also discuss in advance what they agree to be the limits on allowed activities. A tamer version involves using only mild bondage and a blindfold to make sex slightly more mysterious and heighten the sensations of being penetrated and touched.

Just as in the human species, it is the male among practically all of the mammals which initiates the ultimate genital union. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)

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