Women define their lives in terms of relationships. Women are foremost wives, mothers, lovers and mistresses. Relatively few women define their lives in terms of their own creative, professional or sporting pursuits. So women tend to depend on the men in their lives for support. This makes it very difficult for them to comment honestly on sex. Sex is the currency of relationships with men. Hence why few women comment on sex.
Men evidently do not get enough sex (the variety of activity and partners) from their relationships with women. Otherwise men would not seek out prostitutes and extra-marital affairs as they do. The corollary is that women who are in relationships with men tend to get more sex than they want. This is the eternal dilemma of the heterosexual couple. Women insist on monogamy because they offer sex in return for the emotional reassurance of a man’s commitment. Male sex drive makes promiscuity attractive to many men so women need to compete with each other for male attention.
In Western society it is socially acceptable for young and attractive women to display their bodies for male admiration. Young women fiercely defend what they see as their right to display themselves as a vital aspect of their sexuality. Men are motivated to display themselves when their penis is erect. So they assume that a woman displays her body as a means of making a sexual invitation because she is aroused. The difference is that women display themselves to arouse someone else or to gain approval.
Men are aroused by women every day but few of them are offering sex. This causes resentment between women because men’s partners have to provide the sex men need to release the sexual frustration caused by being surrounded by partially-clothed women all day. Men assume that women are aroused despite the lack of evidence for female sexual frustration. A dress code that the same for everyone, would respect men’s sex drive.
Men compete with each other. But they also collaborate. They join forces with each other to fight a common foe. Women compete with each other over men. Women do not collaborate because every other woman is a threat. Women do not ever confide in each other over sexual experiences.
Some women enjoy the attention they get from promoting themselves sexually. They are confident that no one will ever be able to assess their willingness to do more than flaunt their bodies and sexual egos. Only a lover knows if a woman is willing to offer sexual pleasuring, engage in sex play and enjoy erotic fantasies. Apparently “There is honour among men”. There is little honour among women. Human nature does not vary between the sexes but there is always a desire to protect one’s own interests.
The issue of female orgasm with a lover is at the core of sexual politics. Men want to feel valued as lovers. Women want to keep men happy in bed so they get other things in exchange like love, support & companionship.
Some women think it’s cool to emulate male bravado so they imply that they use men for sex. Of course women use men for sex! But women are motivated by ego, by money and by love. They are not motivated by sex itself or even by orgasm. In this sense women are not sexually motivated.
Women boast about orgasm to impress others. Women are confident their claims will be accepted because they simply reflect popular beliefs about female sexuality. Unfortunately, men are so mesmerised by stories of female orgasm that these women succeed in getting the attention they want.
Boasting about orgasm is a simple tick-the-box exercise for women. They make no reference to turn-ons or sexual pleasure. Women suggest that a lover stimulates them vaginally or clitorally. This reflects women’s sexual passivity. They don’t talk about their lover’s body and their drive to stimulate a lover or be stimulated by a lover. Neither are they explicit in describing genitals and sexual activity in the appreciative way that men do. Women suggest that they are aroused by images from porn. If so, they would be aroused by the real thing too, such as male genitals or ejaculation. Women never discuss any turn-ons in the appreciative way that men do.
The bias in favour of intercourse arises for two key reasons. Firstly, male sex drive causes men to promote intercourse to women. The second reason is that women want to understand how intercourse might be as pleasurable for them as it evidently is for men. For those women who convince themselves that they do indeed orgasm with a lover, research that justifies their orgasms is obviously very useful and lends their claims respectability.
Thus, we have two problems: First, the male version of sex drive is what women are unjustly measured by. Second, women are trying too hard to please men who need more realistic expectations of women’s sexuality. (Joan Sewell 2010)