Our portrayal of sex evidently suits those who are looking for emotional reassurance that they can easily please a lover. Women enjoy hearing about orgasm claims that make them more attractive to men. The only reason men care about female orgasm is because they attribute a woman’s orgasm to their own sexual prowess during intercourse. Even though most women refuse to comment on sex or orgasm, men enjoy hearing about their supposed orgasms. Men interpret female orgasm as women’s acceptance of intercourse. But orgasm is a selfish pleasure that a person enjoys because they are aroused. It has nothing to do with pleasing a lover, except perhaps for gay men who may be aroused by their lover’s erection and ejaculation.
When women see porn actresses supposedly having orgasms, naturally some of them believe what they see. The idea that they can please men so easily in this way validates them or makes them feel good about themselves. But porn is directed by men to provide turn-ons for men. It has nothing to do with how a woman achieves orgasm for herself.
Some men enjoy sharing their fantasies. They seek out women to share these fantasies with. This is because men are aroused by talking about sex. Women are not aroused in the same way. So women do not have the same incentive to talk about sex, either in reality or fantasy. If a woman tells a male partner about her masturbatory activities or her fantasies, he may interpret it as a turn-on and assume that she wants to have intercourse. Stories of female orgasm are male turn-ons and often related by men.
Men enjoy the pleasures of being the penetrator, including:
- obtaining release from sexual frustration;
- enjoying the pleasures of psychological domination; and
- the territorial pleasures of ejaculating.
Yet it is assumed that these pleasures are insignificant when compared with the pleasure women are assumed to obtain from their supposed orgasms with a lover. Female orgasm is presumed to equate to the pleasure of male orgasm plus all these combined pleasures of being a penetrator. How on earth is rape ever supposed to be a problem? No wonder men are confused.
When a man is aroused, he may exude clear liquid (commonly referred to as ‘pre-cum’) from the end of his penis. A man is aroused but this doesn’t mean the two phenomena are connected. Similarly, when a woman masturbates alone vaginal lubrication is produced, even more so as she ages. But the function of vaginal lubrication is to facilitate intercourse (and reproduction). It is not a sign that a woman is necessarily close to orgasm.
Women often describe relationship factors when referring to their arousal. Such feelings to not lead to orgasm. If a woman is to experience orgasm, she must consciously focus her mind on explicitly erotic scenarios. Many women only ever have romantic fantasies. Romantic fantasies include thinking about having intercourse with a real or imagined man but they do not focus on the close-up genital activity of penetrative sex. They are more of a vague dream about an emotional or romantic experience.
For a man, sex (i.e. intercourse) equates to orgasm. A man only wants sex when he knows (or is reasonably confident) that he will achieve orgasm. This is the difficulty men have in accepting that women engage in sex without ever achieving orgasm. For a man it is quite unthinkable that he would not have an orgasm through engaging in penetrative sex.
Anyone who knows how to orgasm knows which body part they need to stimulate. The confusion over the anatomy involved in female orgasm is due to women’s ignorance about how orgasm is achieved. Why don’t men know what physical stimulation their partners need for orgasm? Women are embarrassed to name intimate body parts, often considering them to be ‘dirty’. The fact that few women talk of the clitoris (and even fewer men) is evidence of women’s lack of responsiveness.
The position a woman assumes when masturbating to orgasm is different to the positions we see in pornography. Women are shown masturbating by tiddling their vulva while facing the audience because this provides the best display for male observers. Cunnilingus is assumed to provide exquisite pleasure but in fact that there is little sensation for a woman.
Once we have experienced orgasm for the first time, we know how we did it. We just repeat the same actions. We know what our mind needs to focus on and what anatomy we need to stimulate. If an orgasm technique works then it is reliable. We don’t have to keep trying for decades to get it to work. This is why the G-spot is clearly a myth. No one can figure it out!
The majority of women worldwide do not have orgasms during intercourse: as a matter of fact, female sexual dysfunctions are popular because they are based on something that does not exist, i.e. the vaginal orgasm. (Vincenzo & Giulia Puppo 2014)