Learn About Sexuality

The misconceptions that arise from pornography

Orgasm involves focused concentration and responding instinctively to feelings that blot out the real world, A person typically closes their eyes, pulls a face, pants and groans as least a little in the build up to and while having an orgasm. Women always appear delectable and their make-up is not even smudged both in in real-life and in porn. This is not orgasm.

Women can engage in sexual activity indefinitely because they are unresponsive with a lover. In porn, multiple orgasms offer a way of explaining how women could be apparently re-aroused indefinitely. Porn actresses moan intermittently throughout the male performance. They build in some smaller climaxes along the way to bring the man on. It’s as if women are aroused and re-aroused on a never-ending basis until the man has had his orgasm. Finally when the man is about to ejaculate, the woman is miraculously also simultaneously ‘satisfied’. Ideally she brings her vocal accompaniment to a final crescendo coincident with male orgasm.

Porno actresses provide vocal accompaniment as a male turn-on. Men don’t have to make all that noise to convince a lover that they have had an orgasm. Women also offer enticements as a tease. “Come on Big Boy! Come and get me! Bet you can’t catch me!” Vocals range from ‘Oh my God!’ to ‘Come on baby. Give it to me!’ Porn actresses indicate their willingness and encourage a man by talking ‘dirty’ or providing ‘sex chat’.

Men do not approach sex expecting to need to provide turn-ons for a lover. When a man is heading for orgasm, he may grunt and his face is focussed in concentration. Anyone who is aiming for orgasm needs to concentrate on the turn-ons and stimulation at hand. A woman also makes little noise while she masturbates until her orgasm when she may grunt or pant a little.

The problem with visual media is that we don’t know what is happening inside a person’s head. This is confusing for anyone watching because they assume that a woman is responding naturally to stimulation (rather than faking). Even in erotic literature women are portrayed as being aroused by real-world erotic stimuli just as men do but this does not occur in reality.

Modern media make women’s bodies seem even more appealing and accessible. It’s difficult for men to appreciate that the women portrayed are just actresses playing a part. Porn shows women as men would like them to be: sexually willing from the first moment of meeting and quick to show sexual initiative. Porn actresses apparently relish all the body fluids that men appreciate including saliva, ejaculate and vaginal secretions.

One of the most confusing things about how female sexuality is portrayed in erotic fiction, is the implication that women achieve orgasm by stimulating a variety of different anatomy. Once a person is mentally aroused, they may be motivated to stimulate their sex organ until they reach orgasm. Clitoral stimulation is portrayed as being immediately hugely pleasurable to women, which acts as an additional male turn-on. A woman is also shown apparently having almost continuous orgasms during penile thrusting. Even men enjoy arousal, not orgasm, while they are thrusting.

Men are anxious when their penis does not compare well to those shown in pornography. Porn shows men with enormous (regularly shaped) genitals and a constant erection throughout almost endless sexual activity. Porn actors are chosen for penis size and stamina so that they look good on film. Presumably they also get desensitised the visual turn-ons and the stimulation that are involved when participating in a porn movie.

Women often don’t appreciate that men need assistance with their arousal. Men are often too embarrassed to ask. Men assume that all women have the skills of a porn star. Many women never watch pornography. Most women do not appreciate the need for turn-ons. They are offended by men’s crude sexual urges. Even women who do understand turn-ons, are not necessarily comfortable with the deceit involved in such play-acting.

Many women feel pressured by the way women’s sexuality is misrepresented in the media. Some women assume that they are supposed to produce all the same cries of ecstasy, verbal come-ons and proactive engagement that porn actresses use as a male turn-on. Men find porn so convincing that they are disappointed by sexual activity with a real woman.

Nothing in porn is real. You need to watch porn knowing that this is all completely fabricated. (Tracey Cox 2012)

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