Men have power in sexual relationships because they dictate what happens in sexual activity. Heterosexual relationships revolve around providing the stimulation and turn-ons that men need for orgasm. This is because men’s reproductive biology focuses on their performance during intercourse. Women’s sexuality focuses on what happens after intercourse including pregnancy, childbirth, breast-feeding and raising children to maturity.
Men almost always see sex as a positive phenomenon. What men don’t understand is that sex is loaded in their favour. Men are rarely the ones who are defiled or humiliated. It’s the man that has the orgasm and the gratification. Sex is one-sided. A woman is merely a bystander: a necessary part of a man’s sexual release but not herself a recipient of pleasure. So although women might feel sad loners for enjoying orgasm alone, in fact men also enjoy orgasm alone. Intercourse is simply the male equivalent of female masturbation. The difference is that a man is dependent on the physical presence of a woman for his satisfaction.
Women are often offended by sexual swear words because of the inference of male superiority and female inferiority. Women prefer to think of sex in terms of affection and love rather than the crude body parts and activity that men enjoy. We also talk about a man ‘giving her one’, ‘having his wicked way’ or ‘having his way with her’. The man is clearly in control and the one who is the recipient of sexual pleasure. The woman is the one who takes any negative consequences.
Censorship also restricts the portrayal of the nudity to protect the dignity of the individual. Men rarely express the same concern (that women typically have) about feeling exploited because someone else is aroused by their nudity. This is perhaps because men see themselves in the dominant or demanding role in sex. It is also no doubt because a man is not often in the situation where someone else is using his nudity for arousal.
When a man calls another man ‘my bitch’ or ‘cocksucker’ these are not terms of endearment. They insult a man who is seen to be taking the inferior female role in sexual activity. Naturally gay men are also despised for the same reason. The superior sexual position of the man as the penetrator means that women are in some way violated or sullied by intercourse whereas men have won something. A man has succeeded in persuading a woman to allow him to ejaculate into her vagina,
If sex were equal, then women would be able to treat a man with disrespect. Men could be humiliated and insulted through sex. Men claim not to understand women’s need for respect and yet respect is paramount to them. Respect involves valuing someone’s opinion or responding appropriately to someone’s wishes. We can respect other people’s values and beliefs without having to agree with them. Men’s sex drive means that they focus on sexual pleasure regardless of any moral consequences. Women are much more focused on what is socially acceptable because it is generally women who are shamed and humiliated through sex.
There are more euphemisms for intercourse than any other word. Men talk about humping, screwing and banging. These words focus on the male role in intercourse and are often offensive to women. Women are inherently the ones being humped, screwed or banged. The associations are not only passive but also submissive. Men are typically oblivious to how a woman might feel about having the submissive position in intercourse. It is also a reflection of society’s often negative view of women’s participation in sexual activity.
Men sometimes approach sex with an egotistical attitude as if each woman is simply a territorial conquest for them before they move on to the next. A woman doesn’t want to feel that she has just been a depository for some man’s semen before she is discarded with no concern for any decency or respect for the pleasure the man enjoyed. Feminists have picked up on men’s ego and adopted it on behalf of all woman as if it is a strength. The word ‘ego’ means ‘I’ and implies a focus on yourself. It means a person is arrogant, self-obsessed and oblivious to the needs of others. It is not a positive character trait. The more feminine characteristic of being sensitive to the needs of others is much more positive.
One of the ways in which people try to humiliate a woman is by threatening to ‘make her orgasm’. Men and women offer to ‘suck your clit’, ‘go down on you’, ‘give you a good seeing to’ as if it is some form of punishment. They say these things with the intention of being offensive. A woman is typically on the receiving end of sex and sexual insults.
Women can use sex as a means of gaining protection. Men who face other men get no such protection. Such is the nature of men. But not all men. This is the difficulty in understanding that not all men are alike. Nor are all women alike. The vindictive and political element is a viscous minority. It is a minority because otherwise we would not survive as a species.
… no matter what she says, how much she likes sex and all that jazz, if she is literally being penetrated by you … then her emotional and mental well-being will always be involved as well. Always. (Alice Carter 2014)