Children should be taught when to stand up to bullies and when to ask for support from adults. A bully is not a strong person. A bully feels strong if they succeed in victimising someone who is more vulnerable than they are. Teenagers should be informed about the emotional impact and legal implications of different types of harassment and abuse in relationships.
Many men have no idea just how much women give in silently and let men have their way. Some men think this means that they have won. But women harbour resentments and these accumulate over time. A woman is attracted to a man who is assertive. She enjoys having someone to face the conflict she dislikes. This makes it difficult for men to understand that although women appreciate the protection men provide, at other times they feel undermined and patronised. A man can offer (e.g. to drive or to pay) but he should not assume control. He should always ask a woman if she wants to do these things sometimes.
The glorification of intercourse lies at the heart of men’s emotional well-being: the heart of their masculinity and everything men hold dear. So even rape is glossed over. And women are too timid to stand up to men or too willing to keep men happy so that they can obtain favours. Women do tell men all the time, both verbally and by the way they behave, so that it’s very clear to any reasonable person that they do not want sex all the times that men do. But men don’t listen and they don’t take any notice of women’s behaviours. This is the way men have to be to fulfil their reproductive role. It doesn’t make men evil but it doesn’t make it right.
Men are typically offended by sexual rejection. Even when a woman has recently given birth, they cannot accept that having a penis thrusting into the birth canal, cannot possibly be pleasurable. A woman needs at least six weeks to recover from childbirth and even longer if she had a caesarean. During childbirth a woman’s skin can tear her from the vagina to the anus. Because of embarrassment women often fail to ensure that these tears are properly repaired and that they heal satisfactorily. Older women often suffer from bowel and bladder incontinence as a result of such damage.
Modern media make women’s bodies seem even more appealing and accessible. It’s difficult for men to appreciate that the women portrayed represent a tiny proportion of the total female population. Also men take pictures of women (with or without their knowledge and permission) and distribute them over the internet. Often pictures of women are used to front a source that is published by a man, who writes as if he is a woman. The danger of electronic communication is that you never know who is on the other end. Often they are not the person whose picture displayed.
If men and women love each other, why is there a ‘battle of the sexes’? Men need sex, which means they need women. But men are physically stronger and emotionally more resilient that women. So men ensure that their view prevails. This is crucial to reproduction and therefore to the survival of the human race. Sex is embarrassing partly because of this balance between the passive and the dominant. Men do not like to be accused of aggressive behaviour. Women are not comfortable to accept the passive role. To women it seems that only men are brave and courageous. To men it seems that only women are virtuous and moral.
Heterosexuality depends on these different personality types. Small boys are not aggressive. But once a boy becomes responsive he also develops a certain emotional insensitivity. This is vital to men’s role in defence and in their sexual role. This is what we call ‘male ego’ or men’s arrogance or assertiveness. Women don’t have this same drive because they lack the responsiveness. Women are the opposite: what we call passive. This is necessary so that women can focus on their children. Women have to be brave in their own way. They have to face male aggression and arrogance. They also have to face pregnancy and childbirth where traditionally many women died. Men are brave in different ways. So there is balance and no one need feel ashamed.
If a man is sexually constrained for some reason (he may be very timid or lacking in drive) he is more likely to prey on those who are less able to defend themselves. This includes young women and children. Older women pose a greater challenge because they have the experience and the confidence to insist on what they want. Some men prey on children not necessarily because it is their first choice but because they know that they are more likely to succeed.
Many paedophiles are able to control their urges and avoid ever coming into physical contact with children. The label ‘paedophile’ makes anyone who is attracted to children an easy target for people who want to hate or despise someone regardless of their individual record of behaviour and any medical assessment of the likelihood of them ever acting on their impulses.
Too many husbands, on the other hand, fail to comprehend that their wives are not aroused as they are in the anticipation of a sexual relationship. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)