Young people should understand what makes a positive relationship and what makes a bad one. There are benefits and risks involved in relationships with different degrees of sexual intimacy. We need a minimum level of self-esteem and self-confidence so that we can formulate our own view without being coerced by undue pressure from others.
Intercourse has always been implicit within marriage. A man makes love to a woman to indicate his dedication to her. His commitment to the relationship involves taking responsibility for the protection and support of the family. A woman demonstrates her love by providing her husband with the sexual interaction he needs. Most women accept this implicitly. Heterosexual men assume that what pleases them must please a woman equally as well. Heterosexual women simply accept whatever a man offers.
An attractive woman has little choice (in a primitive society) about needing to offer sex to men. An unattached female is defenceless against any man who turns aggressive. Her choice is to have many lovers (whoever cometh) or to choose one man to fight the others off. So a woman is better off choosing a man she likes and trusts. It is logical that women choose one man because this means they get the support they need to raise children.
As soon as a man has an erection, he has a desire for intimacy. Men feel intimate with a partner they are attracted to because of their arousal. So men don’t usually need a lead into sex. Encounters between gay men often start with sex. Men pay to have sex with a stranger. Men assume adult relationships are about enjoying genital stimulation with a lover. Women see adult relationships as sharing affection and companionship.
Most men learn intuitively that women do not appreciate direct sexual approaches. So men will often approach women initially offering friendship because they know this appeals to women. A man seduces a woman by being affectionate, companionable, charming and respectful.
Some animals (notably birds) mate for life. But there is no evidence to indicate that the human male is naturally monogamous. In fact, all the evidence points the other way. So a woman needs to provide an incentive for a man to be loyal. A man is much less likely to go looking for another women if he has opportunities for regular intercourse with his partner. Most women offer sex because they identify a man as a worthy mate and a supportive companion. A woman hopes that by offering a man short-term pleasure she will obtain his love, respect, and support for her family goals.
When a man and a woman are attracted to each other, intercourse feels very natural. This is no coincidence. Men’s sex drive focuses them on intercourse. A woman experiences intercourse as a lovemaking act involving mutual caressing and kissing. The missionary position (man facing the woman) takes the emphasis off the lower body action. A woman only needs to lie there until the man has ejaculated. The natural mammalian mating position is for the man to enter the woman from behind (the doggy position). But a woman may feel humiliated by this subjugated position.
Men want a woman to provide some kind of erotic feedback during sex. Women hope that men are listening to them. A man who takes his camera on a date is like a woman reading a book while engaging in intercourse. We don’t feel appreciated if our partner is not giving us their full attention when we are engaged on expressing emotions that are dear to us.
There are always a few women who imply that they are motivated by sexual pleasure. This makes it even more difficult, than it would be anyway, for men to understand why a woman would ever object to sex. The idea is that a man’s behaviour and attitude (loving versus abusive) transforms intercourse from an intensely pleasurable act into a hateful act. The idea that women need a loving partner to enjoy sex, is clear evidence that women look for emotional rather than erotic rewards from sex. Consent would not be an issue if intercourse caused female orgasm.
Work on yourself first so you can be an asset and not a liability in a relationship. (Stephan Labossiere 2018)