We can only have a sex drive for an activity that we can control. A person must be capable of acting on a drive and obtaining what they need to satisfy it. Women cannot force a man to stimulate them vaginally. A woman may be able to arouse a man so that he wants to have intercourse with her. But a woman cannot initiate intercourse because it relies on male responses.
Sex drive cannot be caused by someone else’s physiological responses. A man’s sex drive cannot cause a woman to have a complementary feeling. Neither can we have a drive for someone to do something to us. If women had a sex drive to be penetrated by an erect penis, we would see them running around trying to impale themselves on the first erect penis they saw. Women don’t do this because intercourse represents a significant risk. Pregnancy is debilitating and childbirth sometimes kills women.
An urge comes from our own bodies. Only an erectile sex organ can cause a person to have a drive to penetrate. Although women have the remains of a phallus, it is not capable of penetrating another person. Neither is the clitoris ever erect and sensitised as the penis is. So women do not experience a drive to penetrate. There is no physiological stimulus that motivates a woman to engage in sexual activity of any kind. A man admires a woman’s backside because of his desire for penetration. But a woman never experiences an urge that focuses on a man’s pelvic region.
Although many men travel away from home for extensive periods even when they have families, they never give a thought to their partner’s needs in their absence. In fact, women’s needs are for affection and companionship, which they often obtain from others. If women had a sex drive, then they would be the ones putting obstacles in the way of men’s freedom of movement. This has never happened in all our social history.
Most men (except homosexuals) are not enthusiastic about being penetrated (anally) themselves. Men assume they will always be the penetrator. The difference is that penetration stimulates the penetrator’s sex organ. Women are stimulated through intercourse in a very different way to how men are stimulated. A man’s sex organ penetrates an orifice of another person’s body and is stimulated by thrusting into it.
A sex drive involves needing to obtain a sexual outlet whatever the challenges or the consequences. This is why men pay for sex, why women are abducted and sold as sex slaves and why women are raped. So the suggestion that the pill might increase women’s enthusiasm for sex is evidence that men and women are different. Men have a sex drive regardless of whether reliable contraception is available. The survival of the human race has depended on the persistency of male sex drive. The timidity of most young women is incompatible with having a sex drive.
Some female experts suggest that a woman can ask man to give her a massage instead of intercourse. Or they suggest that a woman can end intercourse when she tires of it. Both of these suggestions reflect a naivety about male sex drive. A drive comes with a degree of urgency that cannot be ignored. Sex drive explains much of male aggression towards women.
Women’s ignorance about how a man experiences sex drive on seeing a woman’s body, contributes to successful reproduction. Women are pressured into sex (or raped) by men because they don’t understand the strength of male sex drive. A drive is a strong urge to achieve penetration without any concern for the other person or the consequences.
Research indicates that single women do not have intercourse nearly as often or with as many partners as single men do. Some women will agree to intercourse with complete strangers but usually they need the compensation of ego or money to motivate them. It is quite normal and natural for women to go weeks, months and years without having sex.
It is unthinkable that a man would engage in sexual activity and walk away unsatisfied. His arousal ensures his orgasm. Women never reach a state where orgasm becomes inevitable (even alone). Women may suffer personal frustration because of the unrealistic expectations that have been set for female orgasm with a lover. But they never suffer sexual frustration.
Even though a man has to seduce or persuade a woman into having sex, he is not convinced that she may see the activity in a different light. This is equivalent to a carnivore assuming that his victims want to be eaten. It is clearly the lot of vegetarians, herbivores and smaller carnivores to be eaten by larger carnivores. But most animals fight for their lives. Likewise, a woman fights off unwanted suitors. She needs to find a man attractive as a mate and be assured of his protection before she wants to mate with him.
When I hear sexperts on TV give advice about how to help women with their “dysfunctional sex drives” I get suspicious that we’re all feeding into the convenient male fantasy of the sexually voracious woman. (Joan Sewell 2010)