The female of any species of mammal is always physically smaller and more nervous than the male. This anxiety keeps women at home and close to their children. Women tend to be the homemakers regardless of whether they have children or not. Many women consider the tasks of raising children and providing a home as the most important achievement of all. Family provides a continuity to the cycle of life and security for old age.
We all have different personalities but also different emotional responses (that make relationships more rewarding) and personal confidence (that motivates us to succeed through our own achievements). In general, men do and women talk. A man spends his life with work colleagues and other strangers. He focuses on achieving a goal such as making money. Most women prefer sharing their lives with those they love. Her relationships are central to defining the quality of a woman’s life. Many women are not motivated to fight and lead as men often do. Not only do they consider these male goals to be irrelevant to women’s lives, they positively prefer spending their lives focused on affectionate companionship in the home.
Given a choice a woman finds the romantic scenario much more emotionally rewarding than the erotic. Women focus on romance, love and marriage. Magazines tell a story. Women read about relationships, weddings, domestic skills and family. Men read about work, sport, hobbies and porn. Men and women live in two separate worlds. The sexes complement each other, not in emotional terms, but in reproductive terms.
Much of female sexuality has nothing to do with male pleasure. Female sexuality involves women using behaviours to keep men happy so that men will support them in achieving their reproductive goal. Our species has been very successful reproductively largely due to women’s willingness to subjugate themselves both sexually and socially to men so that they obtain the support and protection they need for themselves and their children.
Women may be tempted to think that if men would accept that women are not aroused by sexual activity and that they don’t orgasm through intercourse (or any other activity with a lover) that men would understand. Women assume that if men understood and accepted this fact that they would not expect women to offer them opportunities for intercourse. But this is fallacious thinking. Men’s sex drive is a biological instinct that cannot be subdued by consideration for others based on facts or logical thinking.
If women want relationships with men, then they have to accept that satisfying a man’s need for intercourse is an integral part of that relationship. Women are initially drawn to men because they are flattered and feel emotional reassurance because of the protection they obtain when a man is interested in their welfare. A man is instinctively motivated to protect a lover as a source of regular intercourse. A man’s sexual admiration may result in a woman feeling reciprocal emotions (love) for him. She is emotionally attracted to having a companionable relationship with him. Over the longer term women’s desire for family also ties them into relationships with men.
Women value their relationships as an essential part of their lives. They hope for a partner who contributes enthusiastically to their intimate time together: sharing a sense of humour, interesting conversation and affection. Most women are attracted to decent men with kind faces and reassuring voices. A woman wants a man to protect her and who is competent enough to support her. She also wants an interesting companion to spend time with.
Women have value in society for three main reasons. Firstly, they are valued as a sexual asset by men. Secondly, they are valued as the bearers of children. Thirdly they contribute to society by caring for children, the disabled and the elderly. Men rarely want to do this work as it is low paid and undervalued. It has little status. A woman’s sexuality determines the course of her life much more than a man’s ever does. A man’s sexuality is an occasional pleasure. But a woman dedicates the majority of her life to raising children. This is why women continue to earn less than men.
Within marriage is the implicit assumption that a woman offers regular sex in return for a man supporting the family. In the past women were told it was their duty to provide sex. Nowadays women are told they should enjoy sex. If they don’t then it makes no difference. Most women accept that any intimate relationship with a man involves a need to offer regular sex. A woman is aware of her sexual obligations because of attitudes in the society around her. But there are also emotional pressures. A woman knows that if she offers sex a man responds with affection. If she doesn’t, he is angry.
Marriage comes with its privileges and obligations. A man’s privilege is the opportunity for regular sex without having to persuade a woman to have intercourse with him each time (as a single man must). A woman’s privilege is to be able to devote raise children with a man’s support. Women’s drive to have children is not as immediately obvious or as urgent as men’s sex drive but none the less it assists with successful reproduction. It’s an amazing phenomenon and it is not at all clear how it arises.
A woman doesn’t want sex for the same reasons a man does. A woman enters a new relationship looking for romance and love. Sex comes as a consequence. (Allan & Barbara Pease 1999)