As they grow older men worry about impotence; women worry about losing their attractiveness. Women sometimes perceive themselves to be sexually needy because they start to worry that they are no longer sexually attractive to a man. Female sexuality is often defined in terms of young women’s attractiveness to men. Women value their relationships as an essential part of their lives. They hope for a partner who contributes enthusiastically to their intimate time together: sharing a sense of humour, some stimulating conversation and affection.
Having a good time for a woman involves a nice meal, perhaps a movie and some pleasant companionship. A man can appreciate these things but only once he has also had the opportunity to release the sexual tension he has accumulated throughout the day or week. A woman doesn’t have this restriction. She doesn’t need sex the way a man does. In fact, men can live without sex too until a woman appears. So male mammals are generally solitary. Men can work on ships or oil rigs quite happily without arousal as long as there are no erotic stimuli (unlikely these days!).
Sex involves allowing a man to touch, kiss and penetrate a woman in her most private anatomy. A woman needs to feel very positively towards a man to be willing to do this. A woman (to varying degrees) may be willing to give a man the pleasure he enjoys from sex. A heterosexual man should imagine having to appear enthusiastic while another man masturbates himself against him and then ejaculates over him. It’s not arousing at all. It’s just gross. But you have to do this over and over. And try not to look too bored. It’s a challenge after a few decades.
A woman can have intercourse during her period and during pregnancy. There is no harm done. But not all women want to. They may worry about being ‘unclean’ for a lover and that intercourse will harm a foetus (which it does not except in the case of rape). Around the mid-thirties, a woman’s body can go through a remarkable change – as if she blossoms sexually. Even intercourse may become more sensual due to increased natural lubrication (still no arousal though). This may coincide with no longer taking a contraceptive pill.
Even when a woman is capable of orgasm throughout her life (through masturbation) and she has been adventurous with a lover still nothing works until middle age. Over time a woman’s body may respond to being stimulated by a lover and her mind may respond to the more subconscious turn-ons associated with sexual activity.
Women’s genitalia change significantly as they age. Although the increased vaginal secretions make intercourse more comfortable there is still no sense of arousal. A woman may offer intercourse when she knows that her own arousal is unlikely or once she has had a climax through clitoral stimulation.
A woman can certainly enjoy passionate kissing but, even as a lead into sex, kissing does not cause a female genital erection (of the clitoris). Young women do not experience erections. Nevertheless, the sensations of arousal and orgasm are identical as for older women who do experience the physical phenomenon. So women can masturbate to orgasm with similar frequencies throughout their active lives. If a woman has an erection (of the clitoris) at all, it is only once she is older (over the age of 35).
Women’s responsiveness with a lover only develops later in life (if at all). The main benefit of a clitoral erection is an increase in sensitivity in the internal body structures during sexual activity with a lover who provides the correct internal stimulation. From time to time, an older woman may find that her mind gets turned on. At the same time, she may be conscious of the pelvic area behind the external clitoris being swollen and physically aroused. In middle age, for the first time, she may experience a climax from her partner stimulating her via manual stimulation of the clitoris.
A woman should stand by the bath with one foot on the floor, the other on the side of the bath, and place her fingers down over her vulva. She should place her middle finger on the skin (hood) over her clitoris and rest the two other fingers either side of here labia. If she has an erection, she should be able to feel the solid bulge of her erection since the erectile tissue either side of the labia protrudes. A mature woman’s erection can be caused by seeing her partner’s penis or by giving him fellatio (oral sex). The swollen pubic area is very noticeable both to touch and to the eye. Sometimes a woman may have a heightened awareness of her arousal.
A woman doesn’t want sex for the same reasons a man does. A woman enters a new relationship looking for romance and love. Sex comes as a consequence. (Allan & Barbara Pease 1999)