Learn About Sexuality

Over time women often become focused on family

The female of any species of mammal is always physically smaller and more nervous than the male. This anxiety keeps women at home and close to their children. Women tend to be the homemakers regardless of whether they have children or not. Many women consider the tasks of raising children and providing a home as the most important achievement of all. Family provides a continuity to the cycle of life and security for old age.

We all have different personalities but also different emotional responses (that make relationships more rewarding) and personal confidence (that motivates us to succeed through our own achievements). Many women are not motivated to fight and lead as men often do. Not only do they consider these male goals to be irrelevant to women’s lives, they positively prefer spending their lives focused on the home and family.

Women focus on romance, love and marriage. We can deduce this simply from the magazines that women read. Women read about relationships, weddings, domestic skills and family. Men read about work, sport, hobbies and porn. Men and women live in two separate worlds. We complement each other, not in emotional terms, but in reproductive terms.

Much of female sexuality has nothing to do with male pleasure. Female sexuality involves women using behaviours to keep men happy so that men will support them in achieving their reproductive goal. Our species has been very successful reproductively largely due to women’s willingness to subjugate themselves both sexually and socially to men so that they obtain the support and protection they need for themselves and their children.

Women do not evaluate men as sex objects. When a woman leaves a man for another lover, he may assume that she prefers the other man’s lovemaking. But women choose men on the basis of social (not erotic) criteria. A woman wants a good provider but, very importantly, she wants a man who treats her with respect and who makes her wishes her priority.

Billionaires often marry models. The male fantasy is having a fabulously attractive woman other men covert sexually. Ultimately most men marry a woman who offers regular sex because she loves him. The female fantasy is having a man like Prince Charming: rich, handsome and totally devoted.

Women value their relationships as an essential part of their lives. They hope for a partner who contributes enthusiastically to their intimate time together: sharing a sense of humour, interesting conversation and affection. Most women are attracted to decent men with kind faces and reassuring voices. A woman wants a man to protect her and who is competent enough to support her. She also wants an interesting companion to spend time with.

Marriage comes with its privileges and obligations. A man’s privilege is the opportunity for regular sex without having to persuade a woman to have intercourse with him each time (as a single man must). A woman’s privilege is to be able to devote raise children with a man’s support. Her obligation is to provide her husband with a regular sexual outlet. However, the quality of the sex and of the relationship is never officially defined.

Women have value in society for three main reasons. Firstly, they are valued as a sexual asset by men. Secondly, they are valued as the bearers of children. Thirdly they contribute to society by caring for children, the disabled and the elderly. Men rarely want to do this work as it is low paid and undervalued. It has little status. A woman’s sexuality determines the course of her life much more than a man’s ever does. A man’s sexuality is an occasional pleasure. But a woman dedicates the majority of her life to raising children. This is why women continue to earn less than men.

Within marriage is the implicit assumption that a woman offers regular sex in return for a man supporting the family. In the past women were told it was their duty to provide sex. Nowadays women are told they should enjoy sex. If they don’t then it makes no difference. Most women accept that any intimate relationship with a man involves a need to offer regular sex.

A woman is aware of her sexual obligations because of attitudes in the society around her. But there are also emotional pressures. A woman knows that when she offers sex a man may be affectionate towards her. If she refuses to cooperate with his desire for intercourse he is angry with her. Logically if we are naturally inclined to enjoy something then it happens automatically. We don’t have to work at it too hard. Women are naturally less interested in sexual activity because they are not naturally aroused.

Men’s willingness to support women in return for sex, makes it advantageous for a woman to offer sex. But sex does not satisfy women’s emotional needs. Women appreciate affection and evidence that a man is concerned for their welfare on an on-going basis. Men do not have the same instinct to demonstrate this kind of platonic affection towards those they love. Men most typically show affection when they feel gratitude after sex.

A woman doesn’t want sex for the same reasons a man does. A woman enters a new relationship looking for romance and love. Sex comes as a consequence. (Allan & Barbara Pease 1999)

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