Sexuality is about talking, observing or interacting with others in return for payment or other non-relationship rewards. Depending on our personality and emotional make-up we may employ a variety of behaviours and attitudes to impress or attract a potential lover. We motivated to different degrees to engage in sociable activity, to want to impress others and to enjoy exhibiting or displaying our bodies to gain the admiration of others.
Fictional entertainment often portrays ideals rather than reality. So anyone who spends time alone reading books or on-line will obtain a distorted view of reality. Much of the content of books and the internet is fiction aimed at entertainment rather than education. Children who grow up sociably will have a more realistic view of people’s attitudes and behaviours.
Material that is explicitly sexual is called ‘adult’ because a person must be over the age of 18 to view such sources. But the unisex term ‘adult’ hides the fact that it is primarily men who are motivated to seek out sources of eroticism. Women are much more interested in romantic stories and content focused on relationships and family issues.
Today we have the impression that we know what other couples do in bed because of the sex scenes that we see in the media. We forget that such portrayals are fictional. The people providing this display are actors and actresses. By definition they are putting on an act.
Sexual pleasure is primarily associated with the sex industry, where women provide male gratification rather than obtain their own. Sexual pleasure is consequently often linked with immorality. This is because men can be tempted away from their wives and families in search of sexual gratification with ‘loose women’.
Young women are exploited by being lead into prostitution or illegitimate pregnancy by men who make money or obtain a sexual outlet for a time and then simply vanish without paying for the consequences of their actions.
Prostitution, like drugs, is a racket with many people (e.g. pimps) making money on the side. Both casual sex and prostitution bring an increased chance of catching a sexual disease. The odds of catching a disease go up the more penetrative sex we have with different partners.
Pornography is made by men for men. So porn illustrates men’s misunderstandings about female sexuality and their assumption that women should ideally respond to the point of orgasm in the same scenarios that men do. Most of the misunderstandings about how women are aroused and achieve orgasm come from pornography, which shows women responding to the same turn-ons that arouse men.
Women dislike pornography because they find the male focus on women’s genitals insultingly impersonal. Pornography displays women’s bodies as objects for men’s gratification. The graphic images are dehumanising because of the way they ignore the person (their personality and spirituality) and how they treat a body like an object. Pornographic images often omit the woman’s face or make it secondary to the genitals. The face is the key way in which we identify an individual. So without a face the person is just a body: no personality and no soul.
Sex may be a frivolous form of entertainment for some men but it involves a much more serious emotional and relationship commitment for most women. Women are offended that men enjoy a woman’s body without knowing anything personal about her. Most women prefer sexual relationships that involve an emotional connection where the partners love (or at least like) each other.
Pornographic movies contain very little social interaction. So we don’t know if someone is pleasant and decent or if they’re an axe murderer. Women find it humiliating to see themselves portrayed as sex objects with physical attributes that men find arousing. It makes women feel like their bodies have no privacy.
Women can be seen to be sexually manipulative where they are presenting their body as a sexual asset (using their body or behaving in a sexually explicit manner) to attract men for their own purposes. This is when women feel in control. Such women are typically looking for financial rewards.
Sexual contacts are most usually private, just ourselves or with one other person. Most people are not comfortable with group sexual activities. Partly this is a question of how we view intimacy. Partly it is about our need to display our bodies or to be seen by others. Naturally our sexual confidence depends on the relative attractiveness or impressiveness of our genitals (penis) or our sexual attributes (female breasts).
The most frequent reason men gave for having sex outside their marriages was sexual rejection by their wives, or the boring nature of repeated sex with the same person in marriage. (Shere Hite 1993)