Orgasm is a unique response of the body that occurs in the same way for everyone. Responsiveness works like a capacitor. Tension builds in the nervous system (like electrical potential) and is then released in a burst. Women experience considerably less sexual tension. Thus male orgasm is much stronger and may explain, in part, men’s greater sexual motivation.
Other physiological responses of the human body, such as sneezing, work in a similar way. There is a stimulus. We cannot know for sure when or even if we will sneeze exactly. We cannot orgasm on demand or make ourselves orgasm. We orgasm because the circumstances are right. Female responsiveness is more noticeably sporadic because of the infrequency.
Responsiveness refers not only to the frequency with which we orgasm but also with the average time a person needs to reach orgasm. The more responsive a person is, the more frequently they orgasm and the less time they need for orgasm. The frequency with which we engage in sexual activity that is focused on our own orgasm depends on our responsiveness.
Like sneezing or coughing, the triggers for orgasm are the same regardless of gender and orientation. After adolescence, the mind of a responsive person has a positive response to erotic scenarios, which causes blood to flow to the sex organ. A responsive person appreciates how eroticism assists with arousal. Sexual phenomena (such as masturbation or gay sex) hold little interest for us until we discover that we enjoy them personally. Clearly, those who object to eroticism have never experienced arousal.
Research findings show that there is a huge range in responsiveness (frequency with which we orgasm) for both sexes that defines normal. Normal is defined by what is usual. But even extreme frequencies can be completely normal for the individuals that have them. Kinsey found that women initiate sexual activity (either masturbation alone or with other women) on average only once every 2 to 3 weeks. Women have intercourse with much higher frequencies that are related to the man’s responsiveness.
Research clearly indicates that men are much more responsive than women. Yet today no one acknowledges this range of orgasmic ability. Men orgasm after an average of 2 minutes of stimulation from intercourse. Findings indicate that women take 4 minutes on average to orgasm through masturbation but they need 10-20 minutes or longer to orgasm with a lover.
Responsiveness does not arise because an individual has some special knowledge or techniques. So a woman who is not responsive, cannot learn to masturbate. Responsiveness is a characteristic of the brain that we are born with. This is not about personal conscious choice. A responsive person discovers masturbation naturally. A responsive individual discovers orgasm because the sensations of tumescence (increased blood-flow) motivate them to stimulate their genitals. This process occurs quite spontaneously. A responsive woman has a positive attitude towards specific aspects of eroticism because she uses fantasies to achieve orgasm.
Responsiveness is a unique experience but we can compare it to urination.
Most of the time we have no conscious awareness of our bladder and we have no desire to urinate. The bladder is an internal organ and we have no conscious awareness of it. But as urine fills our bladder, we become increasingly aware of the need to urinate. The bladder is a muscular sac and once it is full, nervous signals are sent to the brain. We feel this as an urge to pee. A man has conscious awareness of his tumescence because the erect penis is highly sensitive. But the clitoral organ is never rigid like the penis and it is internal to the body, so most women are never aware of any tumescence. Even for a responsive woman, tumescence is deeply buried in the subconscious and she is only aware of it when contemplating orgasm.
We inherit a combination of genes from our parents that makes each of us unique. But capabilities from parents are not automatically passed on to children. Potentials (genes) such as intelligence, responsiveness and other abilities surface in random individuals in the population. Talented people are unusual by definition. If everyone has the same capability, it is no longer considered to be a talent. For a talented person, their ability is quite normal. It’s the way they were born. The same is true of responsiveness.
The more responsive we are, the more frequently we are able to experience orgasm. Even between men there are huge differences in sexual interest. In general, we are content with the orgasm frequency that we have. Responsiveness is similar to any other need of the human body. When we are hungry we are motivated to eat. When we are full we stop eating until the next time we feel hungry. We are motivated to satisfy a need. Research reveals that when a man leaves his wife for a younger woman he is initially more sexually active because of the novelty of the situation. But over time the man’s responsiveness (orgasm frequency) returns to what it was before.
Like many other physiologic functions, erotic response depends upon a remarkably fool proof mechanism. When one reaches the limit of physiologic endurance he no longer responds erotically. He is no longer capable of erection and finds little incentive to force the situation. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)