Once boys reach adolescence (defined by first ejaculation) they remain sexually active until old age. Kinsey found that men regularly masturbate or engage in penetrative sex throughout their lives. This is the male sex drive. Women have no such urge. Kinsey found that in general women were sexually active only when they had a sexual partner. Women who are single, widowed or divorced can exist perfectly happily for decades without engaging in any sexual activity of any kind. Clearly women do not have the same sexual needs that most men do. Women enjoy emotional intimacy.
Responsiveness is a male characteristic. Very few men orgasm infrequently. The function of male orgasm is to trigger the ejaculation of sperm. When a man has an orgasm, he always ejaculates. But a man can enjoy both as separate phenomena. Ejaculation is physical and orgasm is psychological. Male orgasm rewards a man for ejaculating and potentially impregnating a female. In modern times, the concept of female orgasm has been used in the same way: as a means of rewarding men for ejaculating. Most women have such low levels of responsiveness that they never experience orgasm.
There is no justification for female orgasm. A woman’s reproductive capacity depends on the automatic process of ovulation. Male orgasm is not directly linked to reproduction either but ejaculation is required for reproduction. Some small boys may orgasm without ejaculating but after adolescence, orgasm always triggers ejaculation. Indeed, there is no other physiological event (except orgasm) that could account for ejaculation.
Even a responsive person only aims for orgasm when they know the circumstances are right. They need to be able to achieve the mental arousal required and obtain the right kind of stimulation up until orgasm. Even responsive women are not aroused with a lover, so they approach sex (as other women do) with no focus on their own orgasm. Responsiveness involves no reproductive advantage for women so female orgasm is rare.
Women may have a phallus but they have largely lost their responsiveness. This is because female orgasm serves no purpose. As a parallel example, some birds are flightless despite having wings. Take chickens, for example. Given chickens have wings, we might assume that they should be capable of flight. But chickens have insufficient wing span and are too heavy to fly.
The clitoris does not develop as the penis does. The clitoris becomes tumescent but it is never erect, which is what makes the penis so sensitive to stimulation. For men, the corpora cavernosa are within the shaft of the penis. For women, they are within the internal clitoral orgasm. By focusing intensely on her mental arousal when alone, a woman massages the internal organ with her fingers and uses her pelvic muscles to thrust to orgasm.
Responsiveness involves an instinct to penetrate another person’s orifice (a responsive woman uses fantasies to focus on penetration). Only a person who is born male (with penis and testes) can reproduce by ejaculating into a vagina. So only men have a sex drive. The role of penetrator in intercourse involves substantially more pleasure than that of the receiver. Only relatively unresponsive men or women offer a male lover the pleasure of penetration.
Orgasm is a unique response of the body that occurs in the same way for everyone. Responsiveness works like a capacitor. Tension builds in the nervous system (like electrical potential) and is then released in a burst. Women experience considerably less sexual tension. Thus male orgasm is much stronger and may explain, in part, men’s greater sexual motivation.
Men instinctively know that they have the greater sexual need. This is why men pursue and date women. We know women are not easy to get into bed because of male ego. If women were keen, it would not be a male conquest. Men typically pay for dates. Women usually want something in exchange for offering sex. Male ego arises from the idea that a woman has chosen a man because of his sexual prowess. In truth, a woman usually chooses a man for social reasons (protection, support and companionship).
A man’s challenge is that somehow he has to propose sexual activity against the background of women’s social natures. It isn’t easy. Risk of rejection is high but (depending the level of his sex drive) he is still compelled to try. Neither is it easy for a woman to transition from the social world in which women live and imagine herself to be in the erotic world that men live in. Women are not aroused by nudity, genitals and sexual activity as men are.
Kinsey warned of sexually inert spinsters who were commonly found in the educational institutions of his time. He remarked that teenage boys have more orgasms than these women have in their whole lives. What he did not appreciate is that these women are not seeking male approval. Very few women are willing to be honest about their lack of sexual motivation. Millions of other women either actively support the male view of their sexuality or passively allow it to prevail. Most women want male approval.
By 15 years of age, 92 per cent of the males have had orgasm, but at that same age less than a quarter of the female have had such experience; and the female population is 29 years old before it includes as high a percentage of experienced individuals as is to be found in the male curve at 15. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)