Males of all species have an instinct to mate that females do not have. A man’s sex drive to engage in intercourse involves both the reproductive event of ejaculation and the pleasure of orgasm. There is a biological reason for men to experience an urgent need to engage in regular intercourse. Orgasm is part of the male reproductive function. Orgasm has nothing to do with female reproductive function. By suggesting that orgasm is equally significant to women’s sexuality, it’s as if we are ignoring male sexuality.
Responsiveness is a male characteristic. Very few men orgasm infrequently. Everything that makes a man male, his responsiveness, his sex drive and his enjoyment of sexual pleasure are all supposed to be exactly replicated in women. What then is the point of being male? Men would be the equivalent of women but without the ability to gestate and give birth to offspring. It’s as if men’s sexuality has no purpose. Nature ensures there is a balance. Male and female sexuality make different contributions. If they both had the exact same function and role, there would be no point in having two sexes.
Male orgasm is not directly linked to reproduction but ejaculation is required for reproduction. The function of male orgasm is to trigger the ejaculation of sperm. Some small boys may orgasm (as a one-off) without ejaculating but after adolescence, orgasm always triggers ejaculation. Indeed, there is no other physiological event (except orgasm) that could account for ejaculation. Ejaculation is physical and orgasm is psychological. A man can enjoy both as separate phenomena. Male orgasm rewards a man for ejaculating and potentially impregnating a female. The idea of female orgasm has also been similarly used to reward men for ejaculating.
Every man is responsive to varying degrees because responsiveness is a characteristic that defines him as a male. Once boys reach adolescence (defined by first ejaculation) they remain sexually active until old age. Kinsey found that men are sexually active (alone or with a lover) throughout their lives. Kinsey found that women were sexually active only when they had a sexual partner. Women who are single, widowed or divorced can exist perfectly happily for decades without engaging in any sexual activity of any kind. Clearly women do not have the same sexual needs that most men do.
Sexual frustration arises as the come-down effect of the adrenaline rush (of being repeatedly aroused) not being released by the sensations of release and reward. The physical symptoms are very strong sensations including trembling and feeling weak at the knees. The nearest comparable sensation is the hangover you have after drinking too much alcohol the day before. There is a feeling of depression, tiredness and feeling short-tempered.
Responsiveness involves an instinct to penetrate another person’s orifice (a responsive woman uses fantasies to focus on penetration). Only a person who is born male (with penis and testes) can reproduce by ejaculating into a vagina. So only men have a sex drive. The role of penetrator in intercourse involves substantially more pleasure than that of the receiver. Only relatively unresponsive men or women offer a male lover the pleasure of penetration.
Men usually make the first move in dating scenarios, which puts a woman in the position of turning down the men she is not attracted to. Men get used to the fact that women have to be pursued. Men accept that women give little positive encouragement, which they attribute to female timidity or modesty. Women don’t have the responsiveness that motivates men.
Female orgasm is rare because it involves no reproductive advantage for women. As a parallel example, some birds are flightless despite having wings. Women may have a phallus but they have largely lost their responsiveness. The clitoris becomes tumescent but it is never erect, which is what makes the penis so sensitive to stimulation. For men, the corpora cavernosa are within the shaft of the penis. For women, they are within the internal clitoral orgasm. Most women are unaware of the clitoris because a woman’s arousal is primarily a subconscious response. Even a responsive woman can only orgasm by focusing intensely on fantasy when alone.
By 15 years of age, 92 per cent of the males have had orgasm, but at that same age less than a quarter of the female have had such experience; and the female population is 29 years old before it includes as high a percentage of experienced individuals as is to be found in the male curve at 15. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)