Learn About Sexuality

Intercourse needs to continue until ejaculation

Imagine a woman who is more like a man. She approaches sexual activity already aroused and she is turned-on by stimulating a lover’s genitals. So she behaves like a man. First she licks and sucks on his nipples. Then she does the same for his testicles. She caresses and kisses his body all over from head to toe. She homes in on his penis and gives him fantastic oral sex. Where would the human race be now if women behaved like this? Most men would ejaculate before they ever got to intercourse.

If we are to understand men and women’s sexuality, we must not forget that Nature wants us to engage foremost in intercourse. Male sex drive and women’s lack of responsiveness with a lover both work towards this goal. Women can continue stimulating a lover, even if only through the relatively effortless means of intercourse, because women are not aroused with a lover and therefore not focused on achieving their own orgasm. This makes women much more flexible and generous lovers than men. The concept of ‘multiple orgasm’ has been used to justify how women can continue sexual activity after orgasm. Such a phenomenon has more in common with sexual arousal than with orgasm.

Any activity that culminates in orgasm, naturally ends once a person has achieved orgasm. This explains why men lose interest in continuing sexual activity once they have had an orgasm. If women were responsive (and as responsive as men) then some would orgasm within 5 seconds, others 20 seconds, others 1 minute and so on. Yet men never comment on this variety of responsiveness between different women. The reason is that women have to be willing to co-operate with intercourse for as long as a man needs to ejaculate.

Women are expected to respond to a man’s desire for intercourse, which relies on his (not her) responsiveness. Kinsey’s work proved this. Kinsey found that couples have sex with a regularity that is directly related to the man’s responsiveness (or sex drive). Specifically, the frequency of intercourse has nothing to do with the woman’s responsiveness.

Male orgasm is the goal of intercourse, which provides men with the psychological turn-on of penetration and the emotional acceptance that makes sex so gratifying for them. The woman is merely a bystander during intercourse. Over time as a woman concludes that intercourse does not provide her with sexual pleasure, she may be motivated to ‘respond’ to intercourse (by using vocal turn-ons or simply by assisting with penile stimulation) so as to minimise the time taken by intercourse

Sex is vitally important to a man. At the same time, sex is trivial for a man. He only needs a woman to open her legs and then he does all the work but willingly of course. It all just happens. A man is blissfully unaware that it is a very different scenario for a woman. Intercourse is effortless for a woman but emotionally and erotically she feels nothing. So she easily feels used, disrespected and humiliated unless a man shows some loving appreciation for the pleasure she is allowing him to enjoy.

There’s a certain logic to a woman leaving the sexual initiative to a man. If he doesn’t want sex that much, then what’s the point? The more he wants sex with her, the more likely he will want a relationship with her. So an astute woman realises that it’s worth testing how much a man wants sex with her. Is it just a passing fantasy that evaporates over night? If so it may not be worth her while. Most women work out that men value sex more if they have to work for. It feels more like a conquest than when a woman just lays herself out before him.

Sexual activity between a man and a woman is always likely to focus on male arousal because men are so much more easily aroused but also once aroused they have an intense focus on achieving sexual release (orgasm). Intercourse is an obvious showcase for displaying male virility and specifically a man’s arousal cycle (from erection to ejaculation). Intercourse focuses on stimulation of the penis. A man initiates intercourse because he has an erection. A man must be aroused by a woman’s body, not just once, but often enough to impregnate her.

After intercourse, when the man has ejaculated his semen flows out of the woman’s vagina leaving a wet patch on the bed. Since women don’t want to sleep in pool of semen they usually make a dash for the bathroom. The wet patch tends to be on the woman’s side of the bed because it is the man who moves and puts himself on top of her. A woman can cup her hand under her vagina on her way to the bathroom so she doesn’t drip semen all the way. Men may also want to wash their penis after having intercourse.

Men’s challenge is to try and enjoy as much of their arousal as they can before they feel compelled to ejaculate through intercourse. Women’s challenge is to figure out how they can participate in an extended activity that is not aimed at achieving their own arousal or orgasm. For women quick intercourse is generally a plus. But they may miss ‘lovemaking’ including romantic kissing and non-genital touching.

Orgasms are elusive. Most women don’t have one every time (or maybe even most times) they hit the sheets. Plenty of surveys—and likely your own bedroom experience—verify that. (Anna Davies 2013)

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