Learn About Sexuality

Sex drive: a need to ejaculate through intercourse

A man’s sex drive is focused on impressing a woman. So he does not see intercourse as selfish but rather as an act of worship of a woman’s body and her ability to arouse him. Men become frustrated if they cannot obtain a certain amount of penetrative sex with a loving or appreciative partner. This drive is a desire to penetrate and thrust until ejaculation (which ends men’s ability to continue intercourse). Ideally it involves full body interaction with a lover who is (at least apparently) also mentally in tune with the eroticism of the act as seen from the male perspective.

Men succeed in battle (and other dangerous pursuits) because they act and don’t think too much. If you analyse then you start to doubt and fear sets in. This is the secret of male courage. But this doesn’t help them when it comes to relationships with women. Women want to talk and analyse. Women have evolved a greater interest in assessing relationships because they are more vulnerable and more often dependent on others. This is one of the fundamental differences between the sexes.

Sexual politics exists because men (unlike women) are willing to pay for sex (or images and blog sex stories) that are paid for. So women are able to make money out of nude images and stories of sexual willingness that have no male equivalent. Even when men have paid, it does not occur to them that the motives of the women involved are financial not sexual.

The predator cannot afford to have sentimental compassion for its prey. The carnivore only eats meat. So someone has to die. That is Nature. The same with a man’s sex drive. He does not have the psychology that allows him to empathise with the female perspective. Otherwise he would struggle to make the most of his sexual opportunities. The human race would die out. The nature of sex drive makes men selfish by definition.

Male thinking goes like this. I’m a very simple person. I only know and recognise what I want and need. You can’t possibly expect me to understand how someone of the opposite sex feels. But also us men don’t talk about feelings: anyone’s, our own or another person’s. So I’m not willing to talk or listen or learn. You have to take me as you find me because I’m not willing to change how I think or behave.

A man’s sex drive arises as a pressing (impossible-to-ignore) urge to penetrate and thrust until he ejaculates. Men’s bodies have higher levels of testosterone (the hormone that boosts sex drive) than women do. A man’s sex drive is both a drive to reach orgasm and a drive to reproduce because his orgasmic response is aligned with his reproductive capability. A man responds to a subconscious reproductive drive but his mind focuses on his enjoyment of penetration and thrusting not on his ability to father a child. Nature ensures that men find thrusting during penetrative sex to be the most satisfying way of releasing their sexual emotions.

When a woman bends over, the view up between her buttocks is provocative. For a heterosexual man the view may be inviting if she is an attractive woman. A homosexual man responds to the view of a man’s backside. Women do not respond to the same sight because they do not have a drive to penetrate another body. A woman can admire a man’s behind but she has nothing to gain by obtaining it. She is not driven to penetrate another person because she lacks an organ to penetrate with.

Women do not have a ‘sex drive’. Some women have a residual instinct to thrust that drives her masturbatory activity alone. Unlike the penis, the clitoris is not sensitised to touch. The external (touchable) parts of the clitoris do not provide pleasurable sensations. Only pressure and massaging motion over the clitoral organ produces an orgasmic response. Women rarely experience an erection of the clitoral organ but if they do it is not associated with any need to have intercourse. Women’s amenability to intercourse relies on their reproductive instincts and their desire to please a man they are emotionally attached to.

It is suggested that a woman can ask man to go without intercourse and give her a sensual massage. Or it is suggested that a woman can end intercourse when she tires of it. Both of these suggestions reflect a naivety about male sex drive. A drive comes with a degree of urgency that cannot be ignored. Men can masturbate as a substitute for intercourse but eventually, if they are in the company of a lover, they end up hassling for sex. This male pressure explains why a woman avoids intimacy with a man until she is willing to have intercourse with him.

Men are insecure about other men finding their partner attractive because they understand the strength of male sex drive. They know what other men are thinking when they look at her. Other indications of men’s sex drive are men’s willingness to initiate sex and the fact that men masturbate much more frequently than women do. If male sex drive only involved a desire for orgasm, then men could settle for masturbation instead of sex. Men’s ‘sex drive’ is a reproductive drive because of their focus on intercourse.

“Who wants to have sex for eight hours?” Ask a dude. Ask even a tired dude. No contest. (Joan Sewell 2010)

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