Home Emotional aspects of sexuality Non-sexual intimacy Women do not need to be like men to be valid

Women do not need to be like men to be valid

We do not orgasm because we are given information. Sex educators appear to believe that women should be educated about masturbation and the clitoris. Yet no man ever needs to be told about masturbation and the penis. No one considers that this behaviour (of not masturbating) might be quite normal for women. A responsive woman does not need to be told about the clitoris. She discovers it naturally by herself as a result of mental arousal.

Sex educators tell girls that they will orgasm just by stimulating their genitals. They don’t appreciate that orgasm relies on erotic turn-ons. Mental arousal depends on a person’s mind having the ability to respond to erotic stimuli. Mental arousal causes tumescence of the phallus (penis or clitoris), which motivates a person to supply the correct stimulation instinctively. The clitoris was not discovered by heterosexuals. It was identified by scientists who observed that women masturbate by stimulating the internal clitoral organ (by rubbing over the glans and either side of the labia). Heterosexual society continues to show little interest in the clitoris despite all the publicity.

It is a misguided to think that promoting the clitoris will make any difference to any woman who does not already appreciate its role. The only impact will be that some men who hope to pleasure a female lover may explore oral or manual stimulation of the clitoral glans (if a woman allows him to). It is also wrong to imply that stimulation of the clitoral glans (which is what they are referring to when they talk of the clitoris) provides instant pleasure.

Men pressure women to maximise their sexual opportunities, which is understandable given their sex drive. Female sex educators patronise other women out of ignorance and the desire to make money, which is much less forgivable. There is no should about sexual pleasure. When it is suggested that young women should be encouraged to enjoy sexual pleasure, the idea is strongly opposed by many mothers. Mothers know from experience that women do not obtain the same pleasure from sex that men do. Mothers don’t want their daughters getting pregnant while providing male pleasure.

A few women boast about orgasm because they like the attention. They enjoy feeling superior by intimidating other women. Advice is given on the basis of theory rather than personal experience. Personal confidence comes from knowing the facts; not from putting on a show of false bravado. They can’t explain anything in the real world with confidence. Telling women that they should be able to do something that they are clearly incapable of undermines women’s self-confidence. Sex educators reflect the male view of sex, by implying that women should respond as men do. They promote pornography and swinging, for example, as if women experience arousal as men do. This makes it even more difficult, than it would be if such misinformation did not exist, for men to understand why a woman would object to sex. A man assumes that his partner is unusual. Women who promote ignorance make us all feel isolated in our sexual experiences.

The vast majority of women are unresponsive and they are happy to accept the male view of female sexuality. Unresponsive women defend a woman’s right to define orgasm any way she wants to. They believe that this empowers women in some way. They give no thought to the women who are made to feel inadequate by these orgasm claims. By providing incorrect information about the clitoris, women who know nothing about orgasm, spread ignorance about women’s ability to orgasm especially with a lover.

When a woman admits a lack of orgasm, she is told to find another man. It’s as if we are telling girls they should approach life as an endless quest for a man who can ‘make them orgasm’. There is little concern voiced over the risks of pregnancy, sexual disease and the emotional upset that go with promiscuity. There is a view that adults only ever engage in sexual activity that ends with their own orgasm. The idea that women enjoy giving pleasure and having an emotional connection doesn’t appeal. It’s not macho enough.

Feminist educators tell young women that they should be less intent on pleasing men. Just exactly what does everyone think women have been doing since the dawn of time? Girls are advised to be sexually daring and self-confident. This sends contradictory messages to girls. Are they supposed to be promiscuous or should they aspire to a loving relationship? Pornography and erotic fiction give young women the impression that they are supposed to enjoy activities like oral sex. Some girls feel pressured into offering fellatio and accepting anal sex. Men enjoy these explicit genital techniques and hope (in their fantasies) that women will provide them.

Women think they will be respected for claiming to be the same as men. We are respected for being honest and having the courage to stand up to others. Women need to educate men. Women have different emotional responses and life goals. Women are good enough as they are. We will never be able to protect girls, if we are not honest about what they can expect from sex. Women on the internet are not looking for erotic turn-ons (such as images of male nudity) or opportunities to enjoy orgasm. Girls need to appreciate this. Any woman who wants intercourse, can find it easily enough. Women only advertise when they are making money out of men.

And yet, too many folks choke on the fact of innate gender differences in libido. Feminists equate a lower sex drive with inferiority. Feminism equates a vigorous libido with a healthy, even dominant ego. (Joan Sewell 2010)