HomeSocial aspects of sexualitySexual pleasuringA man wants a partner to make love to his penis

A man wants a partner to make love to his penis

When aroused, men experience rigidity of the sex organ (the penis). But this increased blood flow, although concentrated in the genitals can also affect the sensitivity of other parts of the body (called tumescence). So when sexually aroused, a man may enjoy being stroked and sucked on almost any part of his body, for example: the nipples, around the anus and the testicles.

If a man loses his erection, a woman can slowly lick around his testicles and take his penis in her mouth. She can gently suck on it until she feels it start to harden. Oral sex is an easy way to give any man an erection. She can hold his penis firmly in her hand and use a gentle pumping action to increase his erection. When a man masturbates, he uses a firm stimulation technique. When a woman first masturbates a man, she may be surprised by just how vigorously she can stimulate his penis with her hand. A responsive woman’s masturbation technique is firm but more diffuse, slower and much gentler.

Anyone, who anticipates an opportunity for oral sex, should prepare well. The smell of the skin around the genitals and the pubic hair can have a pungent smell in both sexes. The genitals are not the easiest places to clean. There are folds of skin that need special attention. For a man, the area around the glans must be scrupulously cleaned and any mucus washed away. For a woman, either side of the labia should be washed with soap and rinsed.

Men are disappointed when women refuse to offer fellatio. They don’t appreciate that women’s lack of arousal means the activity is functional and not erotic. Vaginal lubrication may increase as a subconscious response in preparation for sex. Fellatio obliges a woman to put her nose close to a penis. Women are not aroused by genital smells as men are. Most women are disgusted by the idea of putting a penis in their mouth. Some women ignore this instinctive aversion to please a lover. This depends on their generosity and the state of the relationship (it has nothing to do with responsiveness).

Many women refuse to offer fellatio. Women are not aroused as men are by giving or receiving oral sex so they don’t understand the erotic significance. Even the idea of consuming semen makes most women want to vomit. Some people consume their own body emissions but we don’t usually volunteer to consume someone else’s. Fellatio is probably distasteful due to psychological factors. There is nothing unhealthy about semen. It has a slightly nutty taste and, if a woman anticipates a man’s ejaculation, can be swallowed quickly.

If a woman doesn’t like the taste of semen, she may want to offer her partner fellatio just as a warm-up. A shared bath is a good venue for fellatio (starting with lathering his penis). There are various gels on the market that can be applied to the body (including the genitals) and then licked off. Some men are very reluctant to cease fellatio before they ejaculate. The male sexual objective is to ejaculate into a body orifice. For some men fellatio has little value, if it does not include the satisfaction of ejaculating into a lover’s mouth.

Men don’t want women to see their flaccid (non-erect) penis because it is usually quite small. Most men want to know that their erection will be appreciated before they display it. Men may also be embarrassed if their arousal is apparent when it is not appreciated. A woman may laugh out of nervous embarrassment. Women are offended if a man other than a lover displays his erection. Women interpret genital display as a potential threat.

A contributing factor to the longevity of heterosexual relationships is that some men (perhaps the majority) look for an emotional connection. They may be tempted by attractive women because of their automatic arousal. But they never seriously consider a casual liaison. Many men are cautious about approaching women. This is partly due to timidity but also to a desire for acceptance. They fear rejection but they also fear being treated with disgust.

A woman cannot understand a man’s pleasure in displaying his erection. Neither can she understand the pleasure to be obtained from ejaculating into another person’s body. Men’s territorial instincts mean that they can enjoy spraying semen or urine. Women are not aroused by physical phenomena such as body fluids. They are typically revolted by such things. Women are disgusted the genitals, smells and body emissions that men enjoy. A woman is offended if a man shows interest in her genitals. She cannot understand why anyone would be interested in such dirty, smelly and ugly anatomy.

A woman has little interest in a sexual advance from a strange man. But once a man is her lover, a woman accepts his need for regular intercourse because she loves him or because she knows it’s expected. A woman reacts very little when her lover reveals his erect penis. She doesn’t scream but neither does she express pleasure on seeing his erection. Women think genitals are ugly, even those of a lover. But they know men are offended if they say so. This is another reason for women’s sexual passivity and silence on sexual topics. They passively acquiesce to men’s desire rather than proactively invite it. This makes a strong contrast between pornography and women in real life.

So many women are highly vocal in condemning men’s sexuality as crude, obscene and disgusting. Women never experience this kind of negativity from men. Men value the fact that a lover doesn’t react in this way. Women may be passive and silent but at least a female lover is not abusive. Men equate this loving or passive behaviour as sexual acceptance and derive a considerable emotional reassurance from it. Being accepted sexually allows men to feel that their sexuality is a positive aspect of who they are as men.

This greater inclination of the human male towards oral activity is duplicated among other species of mammals. (Alfred Kinsey)

Excerpt from Learn About Sexuality (ISBN 978-0956-894748)