A woman’s sexual role focuses on what happens before intercourse. She needs to attract a man and arouse him sufficiently so that he wants to have intercourse with her. Men often compliment women on their looks. Women rarely return these compliments. It is accepted that the admiration is one way. A woman does not need reassurance from sex because she is reassured by a man’s admiration of her body. A man’s erection is a clear indication of his appreciation for a lover. A woman’s body does not provide such clear erotic feedback. A woman needs to provide a man with explicitly erotic feedback during sex by her behaviour or by what she says.
A good female lover is relaxed about nudity and sexually explicit activities. She is ready to explore her lover’s body and learn what stimulation he finds pleasurable by taking guidance from him. A man appreciates a woman who uses explicit language. A woman should also ask her lover to pleasure her in the explicit ways that she enjoys. For a little variety, couples can plan some sex sessions with porn playing in the background. Watching porn while having sex, can add a little spice for both lovers.
For men sexual opportunities are precious. So a man approaches sex with a sense of urgency and anxiety. Some men enjoy engaging in activities before having intercourse. Foreplay extends a man’s arousal and the length of time that he can enjoy sexual activity. Older men may be able to delay ejaculating with a lover for 20 minutes or longer. They do this to extend the time they can enjoy sexual pleasuring. Once engaged on intercourse men can orgasm quickly so a generous male lover offers to pleasure a woman before taking his orgasm. Men typically want to ejaculate through intercourse rather than other so-called foreplay activities. Men enjoy the sensations of thrusting.
Men tend to initiate sex so it can be a turn-on if a woman occasionally offers to pleasure a man or suggests what pleasuring she would enjoy. A woman can flirt by playing along with male fantasies. Arousing a man is easy as long as a woman has experience of how men enjoy sex and a sense of adventure. If she is comfortable with providing sex chat, a woman can make sexual references or use erotic language to arouse him. Exaggeration is part of the fun! Alternatively, she can offer to stimulate his penis manually or orally.
Any man can enjoy the sensations of being penetrated simply to experience a novel sexual phenomenon. Such a desire is probably no more than sexual curiosity and does not necessarily indicate any homosexual tendency. Men have a prostate gland alongside the rectum that provides exquisite pleasure when stimulated and it is natural that a man may want to experience this.
A woman can lick and suck gently on a man’s nipples. She can hold his erection and slowly but firmly move her hand up and down his shaft. She can move her hips over his erection and lower her vagina onto his penis. She can move to his rhythm of thrusting, grasp his buttocks or stroke his balls. She can kiss her lover passionately or run her fingers down his back.
Women are not aroused with a lover, so they need to provide a simulated erotic response. By making small moans or sighs a woman can assist with her lover’s orgasm as well as provide a form of erotic feedback that indicates when stimulation is pleasurable. A woman pleasures a man by kissing, stroking and masturbating him. A man may last 2 seconds. He may ejaculate in her hand. It doesn’t really matter. It’s the man who is frustrated that he has missed out on the chance of intercourse. There’s always another time.
A woman can then guide her lover’s erect penis into her vagina and move her hips to stimulate his penis. Lying on her back, a woman can lift her legs up and hug them around her lover’s back. A woman can squeeze her man’s buttocks perhaps pulling him towards her. She can tense her pelvic floor muscles to squeeze his penis inside her. She may run her hands over her lover’s back. If pressure on the cervix makes deep penetration uncomfortable, a woman can put her hand between her body and her lover’s groin to prevent his penis penetrating her vagina too deeply.
A woman doesn’t need to fake orgasm or arousal. She can find other ways to be a responsive lover. Intercourse is like an erotic dance where a woman follows a man’s lead. A woman can smile encouragingly. She can stroke her lover’s groin through his jeans, massaging his penis. Lovers can enjoy deep kissing and sensual touching. A woman can use her tongue to simulate thrusting in her lover’s mouth synchronised with his thrusting rhythm.
If a woman spreads her legs, when lying face down, she can direct her partner to plant his erect penis firmly inside her vagina. She can ask him to keep still and try to make him come through her own efforts. She can reach down and feel the base of his penis. She can knead his buttocks and pull him from behind deeper inside her. She can feel the rigidity of his erection. If a man moves his weight onto his arms the woman can gyrate her hips or tighten her pelvic muscles rhythmically to give him more sensation.
Most guys feel like they are always the initiator and that sets up disequilibrium on the passion scale in the relationship. (Les Parrot 2009)