Men hope that a lover will enjoy contributing enthusiastically to their intimate time together: sharing fantasies, sex play and affection. Arousing a man is easy, if a woman knows how men respond. A woman can flirt by playing along with male fantasies. These details of sexual activity (that arouse men) have no erotic significance for a woman. She is not aroused either by providing (e.g. fellatio) or talking about explicit genital stimulation. If she has a sense of adventure, a woman may enjoy pleasuring a lover, for fun or for money. For variety, couples can plan some sex sessions with a porn movie. Watching porn while having sex, can add a little spice for both lovers. If the woman lies on a low couch watching, a man can penetrate her from behind.
Most men want to ejaculate through intercourse rather than through foreplay activities. Above all, men enjoy the sensations of thrusting. A man finds that his partner is not always amenable, so when an opportunity arises it is precious. This in itself creates a sense of urgency, which is increased by a man’s own arousal. Once engaged on intercourse, men orgasm quickly so a man should offer to pleasure a woman before taking his orgasm. Some men enjoy offering to stimulate a female lover by means other than intercourse because foreplay extends the length of time a man can enjoy sexual activity. A woman can ask her lover to provide the kind of pleasuring she enjoys. Older men may be able to delay ejaculating for 20 minutes or longer.
A good female lover is relaxed about nudity and sexually explicit activities. She is ready to explore her lover’s body and learn what stimulation he finds pleasurable by taking guidance from him. A man appreciates a woman who uses explicit language. If she is comfortable providing sex chat, a woman can make sexual references or use erotic language to arouse him. Exaggeration is part of the fun! For men, sex is just one of the simple pleasures of life. Men are much more interested in the variations in a lover’s genitals and sexual attributes. They also enjoy experiencing a variety of approaches and sexual techniques. Sadly, none of these aspects of sexual activity hold any interest for women because they are not aroused by real-world erotic stimuli.
A woman doesn’t need to fake orgasm or arousal. She can find other ways to be a responsive lover. Intercourse is like an erotic dance where a woman follows a man’s lead. A woman can smile encouragingly. She can stroke her lover’s groin through his jeans, massaging his penis. Lovers can enjoy deep kissing and sensual touching. Men can have tumescence (increased blood flow and sensitivity) all over their bodies. So a woman can give pleasure by stimulating most parts of her lover’s body, such as the feet, neck or ear lobes.
Women need to provide a simulated erotic response (because of their lack of arousal). By making small moans or sighs a woman can assist with her lover’s orgasm as well as provide a form of erotic feedback that indicates when stimulation is pleasurable. A woman pleasures a man by kissing, stroking and masturbating him. A man may last 2 seconds. He may ejaculate in her hand. It doesn’t really matter. It’s the man who is frustrated that he has missed out on the chance of intercourse. There’s always another time.
Men tend to initiate sex, so it can be a pleasant change if a woman occasionally offers to pleasure a man. A woman can lick and suck gently on a man’s nipples. She can offer to stimulate his penis manually or orally. She can hold his erection and slowly but firmly move her hand up and down his shaft. A woman can use her hand to guide her lover’s erect penis into her vagina. Alternatively, she can move her hips over his erection and lower her vagina onto his penis. She can stimulate his penis by moving her hips to his rhythm of thrusting, grasp his buttocks or stroke his balls. She can kiss her lover passionately and simulate thrusting with her tongue. Lying on her back, a woman can lift her legs up and hug them around her lover’s back. A woman can squeeze her man’s buttocks perhaps pulling him towards her. She can tense her pelvic floor muscles to squeeze his penis inside her. She may run her hands over her lover’s back. If pressure on the cervix makes deep penetration uncomfortable, a woman can put her hand between her body and her lover’s groin to prevent his penis penetrating her vagina too deeply.
If a woman spreads her legs, when lying face down, she can direct her partner to plant his erect penis firmly inside her vagina. She can then ask him to keep still and try to make him come just through her own efforts. She can reach down and feel the base of his penis. She can knead his buttocks and pull him from behind deeper inside her. She can feel the rigidity of his erection. If a man moves his weight onto his arms the woman can gyrate her hips or tighten her pelvic muscles rhythmically to give him more sensation.
Men don’t have a G-spot. They have a prostate gland. The prostate lies at the base of the penis, just below the bladder. The prostate gland is crucial to maintaining erections and it is also involved in the release of seminal fluid during ejaculation. It is quite natural that any man might want to enjoy the sensations of being penetrated. For some men prostate-induced orgasms can be intensely pleasurable. Even if a man does not have an orgasm, stimulation of the prostate can be very enjoyable. A partner can stimulate the prostate through the walls of the rectum (inside the anus). A lover needs to use a well-lubricated finger and ask for feedback. A man can also access his prostate through his perineum (the fleshy part between his testicles and anus). This may involve using some deep pressure, so a toy or massager can be helpful.
Most guys feel like they are always the initiator and that sets up disequilibrium on the passion scale in the relationship. (Les Parrot)
Excerpt from Learn About Sexuality (ISBN 978-0956-894748)