Learn About Sexuality

Women have varying degrees of sexual willingness

Some women, who are usually selling sex or promoting their sexual ego, like to call themselves whores or sluts. Yet men are never described as acting like a whore or a slut. This boast is an attempt by women, who want to promote themselves sexually to men, to differentiate themselves from other women. Unlike men, women assume various sexual roles where their apparent sexual willingness varies. This is a behaviour and has nothing to do with responsiveness. No one can choose their level of responsiveness.

Some women think it’s cool to emulate male bravado so they imply that they use men for sex. Of course women use men for sex. But women are motivated by ego, by money and by love. They are not motivated by sex itself or even by orgasm. In this sense women are not sexually motivated.

Women’s behaviour of claiming to orgasm with a lover is just another way women avoid engaging proactively on the eroticism that men enjoy. When a woman says that she has an orgasm she is let off the hook. The man accepts that she is satisfied and therefore that he should be satisfied. The woman can just lie there and do nothing. Maybe she moans a little. But she is still passive and expects the man to do all the work.

Women often profess an enthusiasm for genitals and sex because they assume that they are supposed to enjoy these things as much as men do. This is about peer pressure and the influence of expectations in society. A woman can also make money out of being enthusiastic about sex.

Men do not usually want to be paid for engaging in sexual activity. Although men have varying degrees of responsiveness, even a man with low responsiveness only engages in sexual activity because he is reasonably confident of being able to achieve his own orgasm.

Sexual labels that are used for women include mistress, concubine, hooker, call-girl, slut and whore. Naturally men are never called any of these names. There are no male equivalents. There is no such thing as a male slut, no matter how ‘wantonly’ a man behaves.

Whore has come to mean simply a prostitute or more negatively a woman who offers sex purely for financial gain. Even male prostitutes are not called whores because they generally orgasm with a client. Women are disrespected for having sex for money. But they are respected for having sex for love. So a loving relationship is the sexual model preferred by society for women.

Sexual swear words are invented by men; not by women. Men’s interest in genitals means that they enjoy using words to describe their own genitals and a woman’s. Women rarely refer even indirectly to genitals or to sex. When women pretend to have a relaxed attitude towards eroticism they may use male swear words: ‘cock’ and ‘balls’ for example. Women do not invent similar swear words based on their own genitals.

Women are typically extremely offended by the terms ‘cunt’ and ‘pussy’, which are used to describe the female sexual anatomy (including the vulva, clitoris and vagina). A woman’s cunt is what a man fucks. Fuck and fucking are of course the two most popular swear words in the English language. Men also use cunt to mean a woman, probably not a nice one.

A ‘hooker’ is someone who ‘hooks’ or snares clients. This portrays the women as leading innocent men astray, which is usually far from the truth. Men may well regret their experiences with prostitutes. Either because of shame or because the experience was emotionally unsatisfying. Soldiers of all nationalities have used women during wartimes to feel better about facing death the next morning. But even in the stresses of everyday working life, men look for women to provide the distraction from the tedium of everyday life. Sex does not fulfil the same function for women.

Of course no one can stop women using every means available to enhance their attractiveness in the eyes of men. No one can stop women telling men that they orgasm in all the ways men think should be possible. There is no real harm in this. As long as a woman, who know such things are impossible, knows that there is absolutely nothing wrong with her. What a woman decides to tell her partner is up to her. How she decides to behave during sex (such as faking arousal and orgasm) is also her business. Mostly it depends on her lover’s ego and his ability to accept the facts of women’s sexuality.

Women who simply mirror the male view of their sexuality don’t have the confidence to assess the facts for themselves. They prefer to rely on man’s confidence especially in sex, which is accepted as an area of male expertise (by both men and women). Many women are too timid to have their own point of view, even on their own sexuality, especially where this conflicts with the male view. There can be no subject that is more dear to men’s hearts than sex. A woman’s presumed response to intercourse is an integral part of what men enjoy about sex.

The problem I’ve heard most about over the years … is the problem of mismatched desire … which is the issue of sex-starved men and reluctant women … (Bettina Arndt 2009)

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