Before we attempt orgasm, we must be aroused so that we are capable of orgasm. For a man this involves having an erection. A man’s arousal causes the penis to become erect and makes penetration possible. The female phallus (clitoris) is not capable of penetration. A woman does not have clitoral erections because her arousal plays no part in reproduction.
A man generally experiences a reliable arousal cycle from erection to ejaculation. A woman does not. Female arousal (the kind that leads to orgasm) has to be consciously generated. Equally her orgasm is not guaranteed at any stage. Relative to men, women are much more restricted in how they obtain the kind of stimulation that leads to orgasm. Women achieve orgasm by pressing fingers down into the internal clitoral organ.
Intercourse provides the psychological arousal and the physical stimulation that a man needs for orgasm. Men’s speed-to-orgasm depends on the familiarity of the situation and behaviour of their partner including any turn-ons they provide. Once aroused, any difficulties a man may have reaching orgasm are typically due to a lack of enthusiasm from a female lover or because he lacks confidence with a stranger (e.g. with a prostitute).
Men have much more confidence over sexual matters than women because sex revolves around male responses. A man’s arousal motivates him to initiate sexual activity. His desire for penetration ensures that he wants to obtain sexual opportunities with a partner. His erection makes penetrative sex possible. His orgasm ends his interest in engaging in further activity.
The function of sexual activity with a lover is clearly penetration and reproduction. But only the male is capable of penetration. Although intercourse is justified as an act within marriage that leads to family. Frequencies are not defined in terms of reproductive necessity. Intercourse frequencies are determined by a man’s sex drive. Ejaculating into a vagina has a special emotional significance for men. Intercourse completes a man’s arousal cycle thereby providing his sense of emotional well-being.
We can differentiate between a person’s physical capability to participate in sexual activity and their emotional amenability. A man’s physical capability to engage in intercourse depends on his ability to obtain an erection (of the penis). This occurs when a man is aroused, which occurs because he has a mental response to erotic phenomena such as sexual opportunities or nudity of an attractive partner.
Even if a man reaches orgasm by other means, such as oral sex or masturbation, an erection is still required. This is because arousal must always precede orgasm.
When we say that a couple slept together, we mean that they had intercourse. We assume that if a man and a woman share a bed it is very likely that they had intercourse. This is because men are easily aroused just from the thought of a woman (possibly semi-naked) lying in close proximity to them. There is absolutely nothing a woman can do to make intercourse happen. Intercourse relies on a man having an erection.
When a man wants to ingratiate himself with his wife, he buys her flowers. He may even buy her a sexy nightdress as a hint that he would like to see her wearing it. But he does not provide her with an erotic turn-on such as displaying himself in provocative underwear. A woman has sex with a man ideally because she loves him but also because she knows it’s expected.
If a woman buys sexy underwear for a man, it is a hint that he should improve his clothing style not a hint that she wants to play with what’s inside the underwear. Yet a man assumes that a woman has sex with him because she is aroused to the point of orgasm.
The amount of stimulation (length of time) a person needs to orgasm depends on a person’s mental state of arousal. A man cannot predict the timing of his orgasm any more than a woman can. Intercourse could never provide both partners with an orgasm because the stimulation of intercourse only lasts while a man has an erection. Even if a woman could respond to intercourse as men hope, she cannot orgasm at the same time as her lover. Women never reach a point where they can no longer engage in intercourse. Their supposed orgasms are more like arousal (if anything).
Just as in the human animal, and even more often than in the man animal, petting among the other mammals is primarily, although not exclusively, male activity which is directed toward the female. As in the human species, it is the male which is more likely to be aroused psychologically and usually before he makes any physical contact. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)