Before we even consider engaging in sexual activity that focuses on achieving orgasm, we must be in a state of arousal that we know (from experience) means that we have a reasonable (worth making the effort) chance of reaching orgasm. For a man this state is usually defined by whether he can achieve a strong erection.
Intercourse provides the psychological arousal and the physical stimulation that a man needs for orgasm. Men’s speed-to-orgasm depends on the behaviour of their lover and the form of stimulation. Once aroused, any difficulties a man may have reaching orgasm are due to the behaviour of his lover (especially if she is unenthusiastic) or because he is approaching the sexual scenario with a lack of confidence (e.g. with a prostitute).
A man experiences a reliable arousal cycle from erection to ejaculation. A woman does not. Female arousal (the kind that leads to orgasm) has to be consciously generated. Equally her orgasm is not guaranteed at any stage. Relative to men, women are completely inflexible in the kind of stimulation that leads to orgasm. Women achieve orgasm through highly specific stimulation of the internal clitoral organ. Even if a woman did respond as a man does, she would not be able to time her arousal and orgasm to match his exactly even once, let alone every time.
Sexual activity that is focused on a person achieving orgasm, begins with stimulation of the sex organ. Once stimulation starts there is an indeterminate length of time before a person climaxes. This means that the person themselves does not know in advance whether they will need 2 minutes or 2 minutes 17 seconds. The time required depends on their initial state of arousal and their psychological response to the turn-ons at hand. This is just as true for a woman during masturbation alone. She cannot know for sure when orgasm will occur. In penetrative sex, it is the penetrator’s arousal cycle that determines the duration of intercourse.
It is not reasonable to attempt orgasm using stimulation you cannot control. For a man it is almost unimaginable that a lover would orgasm before he could. In gay homosexual erotic literature, each male partner takes his turn in being the penetrator or the receiver of penile stimulation. But each man obtains the penile stimulation for the length of time that he needs for orgasm. This stimulation is not provided by intercourse. A man may ejaculate spontaneously if he is highly aroused, very young or inexperienced. In general men always need penile stimulation for orgasm.
You also need to ensure that stimulation continues up until orgasm. Only very young or inexperienced men ejaculate spontaneously because of the novelty of the situation. Kinsey noted that spontaneous orgasm is uncommon even in small boys. Usually a man must obtain at least some penile stimulation before he can orgasm.
Even if a man combines intercourse with a loving attitude he cannot make a woman orgasm. Intercourse represents a male conquest and a male demonstration of his potency (power to impregnate). To a woman intercourse is merely an act of submission. A woman submits willingly only because she loves a man. She accepts the risks and the lack of sensation from intercourse to give pleasure to a man she loves (or to incentivise him to keep paying the bills). Yet men find this female perspective impossible to accept. Men have to imagine that they are the ones doing women a favour. This is male ego where men compete over their imagined ability to pleasure women through intercourse.
Someone who has never had penetrative sex is called a virgin. Originally the term was used exclusively for women because female virginity was valued by men. Their territorial instincts cause men to care more about a partner’s previous lovers than women tend to. A man doesn’t necessarily want an experienced or proactive lover. As long as he has an erection, he wants the focus to be on his own arousal. If he is with a man, then it’s different. He can let his lover to lead the action and take a back seat if he wants. With a woman this is not an option. If a man doesn’t have an erection, nothing happens sexually. A man only offers sex when he has an erection. So the frequency of heterosexual activity correlates to male responsiveness and has nothing to do with a woman’s interest in sex.
Any woman who just wants intercourse, can find it easily enough. The women on the internet are selling their bodies or nude photos. They are not looking for erotic turn-ons for themselves (such as nude pictures of men) or opportunities to enjoy their own sexual pleasure. Girls should know this. There is a view that if an adult doesn’t have an orgasm from sexual activity then why are they having sex? We expect everyone to be doing things for selfish motives. The idea that women have sex to give pleasure and to enjoy an emotional connection doesn’t appeal. It’s not macho enough.
The fact is – and it’s a big one – across every culture and every eon it’s been shown in myriad ways that women are far less sexually driven than men. (Joan Sewell 2010)