Home Intellectual aspects of sexuality The sexual mind Women fake orgasm to reassure men’s sexual ego

Women fake orgasm to reassure men’s sexual ego

Faking orgasm provides an easy way for a woman to speed up sex and get it over with as quickly as possible. If a woman lies (by faking orgasm) to a man he finds her hugely attractive. If she’s honest then he finds another woman. What do men expect? Some women consider faking to be humiliating and frankly ridiculous. Supposedly 50-80% of women fake. Just because a woman doesn’t fake, it doesn’t mean she has an orgasm. Many women feel humiliated by the idea of making all that ridiculous and unconvincing noise.

Kinsey’s research revealed that some women orgasm by masturbating alone. Previously no one had any idea that women might be capable of orgasm at all. Yet generations of men had no difficulty achieving orgasm from intercourse. The belief in female orgasm with a lover is a modern fantasy that reassures men of women’s continuing willingness to offer intercourse. Some women realise that a man’s sexual performance is vital to his emotional happiness. If a woman wants to give her lover the satisfaction of assuming that, through intercourse or by other means, he has provided the stimulation that she needs to achieve orgasm, then she is obliged to fake.

The problem with honesty over sex is that a man needs to be aroused by and to feel accepted in his sexual relationship. He relies on erotic turn-ons even if these are only in his head. Woman, who love men, haven’t got the heart to disillusion them. Men appear to have an almost infantile need to believe in their fantasies of arousing women. Even if women tell men that sex doesn’t provide them with the same pleasure, men don’t get it. A man’s ego means that for his whole life he can believe (despite all the contrary evidence) that every woman he had sex with wanted it as much as he did every single time.

The fact that every animal in nature mates by the male mounting the female does not persuade him. The fact that women want a relationship, probably a legal one, to offer sex over the longer term does not persuade him. The fact that women have to be paid to have sex does not persuade him. A man never questions why it is the male role to keep a woman happy. This is because it is self-evident what a woman needs to do to keep a man happy. Nevertheless, a man needs to believe that a woman wants sex as much as he does so that he can be reassured of an on-going and regular sexual outlet.

A man assumes that a woman should tell him what he needs to do. It never seems to occur to men that women don’t know. Stimulation is easy enough to supply once a person is aroused. The problematic issue is mental arousal. No one can name any female erotic turn-ons. If a woman is unenthusiastic about intercourse, which does nothing to excite her, a man takes this as a personal rejection. Instead of accepting that women do not experience the same pleasure from sex, a man is concerned about satisfying his own needs.

It’s pretty cruel to promise someone that they can expect to experience something amazing from something that is, in reality, totally lacking in both erotic turn-ons and physical stimulation. This is the disappointment women face if they approach intercourse with their heads full of the fantasies our society promotes. Saying that women can hope to experience exactly what men do from sex is propaganda spread by those intent on making money.

In some senses, men never grow up. Women have to face the deceit of sex as soon as they lose their virginity. Rather than face their own fears, men pass on the taboo of sexual inadequacy to women. In addition to the other disadvantages of sex that are attributed to women (abortion, prostitution and illegitimate children), women are also labelled as frigid if they do not fake orgasm. Men don’t accept that women have different sexual anatomy that provides for childbearing rather than erotic arousal. Neither do women have the mental response to eroticism that men have. This is like blaming a blind man for not being able to see or blaming men because they can’t have babies.

Most of the time a woman is only likely to offer intercourse where a man makes all the effort. A woman may offer to pleasure a man occasionally. She may also be willing to let him pleasure her sometimes. A woman needs to be in the mood to be willing to give a man the time to do this. Her generosity is likely to occur sporadically and relies on many factors such as a woman’s general state of happiness and the state of the relationship with her lover.

Men are highly aroused by the prospect of intercourse. Many younger men do not offer foreplay because they would ejaculate before they ever got to intercourse. Men much prefer to ejaculate through intercourse. This is natural given the biological precedent (the need for a man to impregnate a woman). A man’s dilemma is that he may be too aroused before intercourse to pleasure a woman by stimulating or caressing her. But after intercourse he no longer has the incentive to engage in sexual activity. More mature men actively enjoy pleasuring a woman, which they do before thrusting to orgasm.

The average time a man lasts (from penetration until ejaculation) is only two minutes. Quick intercourse involves least effort for a woman. She only needs to remain in position for the required time. Men who enjoy eroticism like to extend pleasuring by offering foreplay. This need some men have for a woman to be actively engaged makes sex more onerous for women. It is not just the time involved but also the need for a woman to appear to be aroused. A woman may be able to sign over her body to a man’s pleasure from time to time. But very few women maintain this sexual generosity over decades. Due to the boredom and invasion of her privacy, even ironing is preferable.

She knows how personally you are going to take it when she can’t orgasm, and it makes her dread having sex because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and then feel even more inadequate. (Sophie Martin)

Excerpt from Learn About Sexuality (ISBN 978-0956-894748)