Home Intellectual aspects of sexuality The sexual mind Women fake orgasm to reassure men’s sexual ego

Women fake orgasm to reassure men’s sexual ego

Kinsey’s research revealed that some women orgasm by masturbating alone. Previously no one had any idea that women might be capable of orgasm at all. Yet generations of men had no difficulty achieving orgasm from intercourse. The belief in female orgasm with a lover is a modern fantasy that reassures men of women’s continuing willingness to offer intercourse. Some women realise that a man’s sexual performance is vital to his emotional well-being. If a woman wants to give her lover the satisfaction of assuming that, through intercourse or other means, he has provided the stimulation she needs to achieve orgasm, then she is obliged to fake.

The problem with honesty over sex is that a man needs to be aroused by and to feel accepted in his sexual relationship. He relies on erotic turn-ons even if these are only in his head. Woman, who love men, haven’t got the heart to disillusion them. Men appear to have an almost infantile need to believe in their fantasies of arousing women. Even if women tell men that sex doesn’t provide them with the same pleasure, men don’t get it. A man’s ego means that for his whole life he can believe (despite all the contrary evidence) that every woman he had sex with wanted it as much as he did.

The fact that every animal in nature mates by the male mounting the female does not persuade him. The fact that women want a relationship, probably a legal one, to offer sex over the longer term does not persuade him. The fact that women have to be paid to have sex does not persuade him. A man never questions why it is the male role to keep a woman happy. This is because it is self-evident what a woman needs to do to keep a man happy. Nevertheless, a man needs to believe that a woman wants sex as much as he does so that he can be reassured of an on-going and regular sexual outlet.

A man assumes that a woman should tell him what he needs to do. It never seems to occur to men that women don’t know. Stimulation is easy enough to supply once a person is aroused. The difficult issue is arousal. No one can name any female erotic turn-ons. If a woman is unenthusiastic about intercourse which does nothing to excite her, a man takes this as a personal rejection. Instead of accepting that women do not experience sexual pleasure as men do, his focus is his concern about satisfying his own needs.

It’s pretty cruel to promise someone that they can expect to experience something amazing that is, in reality, totally lacking in both erotic turn-ons and physical stimulation. This is the disappointment women face if they approach intercourse with their heads full of the sexual fantasies our society promotes. Saying that women can hope to experience exactly what men do from sex is propaganda spread by those who are trying to make money.

In some senses, men never grow up. Women have to face the deceit of sex as soon as they lose their virginity. Rather than face their own fears, men pass on the taboo of sexual inadequacy to women. In addition to the other disadvantages of sex that are attributed to women (abortion, prostitution and illegitimate children), women are also labelled as frigid if they do not fake orgasm. Men blame women because women don’t have the sexual anatomy and mental response to eroticism that men have. This is like blaming a blind man because he cannot see or blaming men because they can’t have babies.

Most of the time a woman is only likely to offer intercourse where a man makes all the effort. A woman may offer to pleasure a man occasionally. She may also be willing to let him pleasure her sometimes. A woman needs to be in the mood to be willing to give a man the time to do this. This is likely to occur sporadically and relies on many factors such as a woman’s general state of happiness and the state of the relationship with her lover.

If sex is purely a thrust and grunt affair that is quickly dealt with, a woman may need to provide little engagement. The average time a man lasts (from penetration until ejaculation) is only two minutes. Women are not interested in sex so the quicker and the least effort sex can be the better. Men enjoy the feelings of arousal but then they seem to need help releasing those feelings. This male desire for approval makes sex more onerous for women. Men who enjoy eroticism like to extend pleasuring by offering foreplay. This makes sex more onerous for a woman. It is not just the time involved but also the need for a woman to be apparently actively engaged.

Faking orgasm provides an easy way for a woman to speed up sex and get it over with as quickly as possible. If a woman lies (by faking orgasm) to a man he finds her hugely attractive. If she’s honest then he finds another woman. What do men expect? Some women consider faking to be humiliating and frankly ridiculous. Supposedly 50-80% of women fake. Just because a woman doesn’t fake, it doesn’t mean she has an orgasm. Many women feel humiliated by the idea of making all that ridiculous and unconvincing noise.

She knows how personally you are going to take it when she can’t orgasm, and it makes her dread having sex because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and then feel even more inadequate. (Sophie Martin 2013)