Wednesday, August 7, 2019
Home Intellectual aspects of sexuality The sexual mind How we know women do not orgasm with a lover

How we know women do not orgasm with a lover

Neither women themselves nor their lovers ever comment on the obvious contradiction over assumptions about the female anatomy involved in orgasm. A woman is assumed to orgasm through intercourse (stimulation of the vagina) in a way that complements the male anatomy. The vagina complements the penis in reproductive terms. A woman is also assumed to orgasm through cunnilingus (stimulation of the clitoris) in a way that mirrors a man’s anatomy. The clitoris parallels the penis in terms of responsiveness.

So although men always stimulate the same anatomy (the penis) when heading for orgasm, it is assumed that a variety of anatomy can be involved in female orgasm. The implication is that different women achieve orgasm by stimulating different anatomy. Alternatively, the suggestion is that the same woman achieves orgasm on different occasions by stimulating different anatomy. The mechanism by which orgasm is achieved must be the same for everyone regardless of sex or orientation. Orgasm involves massaging the blood-flow (resulting from mental arousal) within the phallus.

Kinsey’s research was unpopular for many reasons. The research highlighting the clitoris (which was obviously considered to be a dead end), was ignored by the public. Few women have any use for the clitoris. Even a responsive woman cannot orgasm with a lover. A few men (the more educated) invest in cunnilingus in the hope of pleasuring a woman.

Men go to prostitutes to obtain the fellatio they can’t get at home. Women never pay for cunnilingus. Some men offer cunnilingus because they enjoy extending their own arousal. The male desire to pleasure a woman causes much of the confusion over female orgasm. A woman feels little sensation but she may accept cunnilingus if a man offers. Many more men talk about cunnilingus than women do. There is certainly no widespread discontent among women that there are men who are unwilling to provide cunnilingus.

The surgical removal of a girl’s clitoris (grossly misnamed female circumcision) ensures that she will never discover masturbation. This practise is accepted by women, which indicates the rarity of female masturbation and therefore of female orgasm. Female circumcision is clear evidence that clitoral stimulation does not cause orgasm with a lover. Men would never eliminate a means of women having an orgasm with them.

Only female sexuality is political. No one tries to claim amazing sexual feats on behalf of men. The few women who comment providing no evidence of enjoying sexual pleasure. Women list various possible body parts as the source of their orgasms and typically cite porn as their means of arousal. They repeat simple mantras such as ‘I love sex!’ or ‘Sex is wonderful!’. They have no appreciation that orgasm occurs as a result of mental arousal.

Responsive women masturbate as a means of getting to sleep. The feeling of lassitude after orgasm assists with the relaxation needed for sleep. The effect is much stronger for men. This is why men often fall asleep readily after having sex. While women are left wide awake. This is one of the indications that sexual activity with a lover does not cause female orgasm.

Some women suggest they stimulate themselves (or a lover does) while engaging in intercourse. They claim to orgasm by stimulating the clitoris (they probably mean the glans) either by hand or with a vibrator. It’s difficult to imagine how this would work because a man arrives at a sexual opportunity already highly aroused. The idea that he waits for a woman to masturbate herself in front of him before he is motivated to want intercourse, just doesn’t add up. Statistics indicate that men thrust into a vagina for an average of 2 minutes before ejaculating. Women take longer to orgasm than men do. So a woman would either have to start stimulating herself before intercourse or continue stimulating herself afterwards. This activity is neither loving nor sociable and it is difficult to imagine couples continuing for long to engage in what amounts to parallel masturbation.

A key question is why a woman would want to masturbate during intercourse. Why would she not masturbate alone without the distraction of a lover who might interrupt her enjoyment of orgasm? It’s tempting to think that she wants to share her orgasm with a lover but this is just because we are accustomed to women’s sexual role of providing male turn-ons.

The other issue is responsiveness. The implication is that a woman can orgasm whenever she chooses but in particular every time a man does. This is highly unlikely. Gay men may orgasm in a similar time frame to each other because they are aroused by the activity and anatomy on hand. But women are much less responsive than men and not aroused by real-world erotic stimuli. It is simply not possible for a woman to orgasm on demand.

If any form of clitoral stimulation (oral or manual) were to cause female orgasm with a lover, women would have no reason to accept intercourse with all its risks. Given women’s lack of arousal with a lover, their only proactive role involves facilitating male orgasm. Men’s high responsiveness and women’s low responsiveness both contribute to reproduction.

The male, with his higher level of sexual responsiveness, is the one who is more often interested in making oral contacts, and it is the wife who is more often offended. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)