Home Intellectual aspects of sexuality The sexual mind How we know women do not orgasm with a lover

How we know women do not orgasm with a lover

The research that identified female orgasm (Kinsey) clearly linked it with clitoral stimulation and female masturbation. This was why female orgasm was not identified by heterosexual couples (or lesbian ones for that matter). Kinsey’s research was unpopular for many reasons. His research highlighted the clitoris (which was obviously considered to be a dead end) but this anatomy continued to be overlooked by heterosexuals. Even a responsive woman cannot orgasm with a lover. Some men, who enjoy foreplay as a means of extending their own arousal, invest in cunnilingus in the hope of pleasuring a woman. Few women have any use for the clitoris.

The surgical removal of a girl’s clitoris (grossly misnamed female circumcision) ensures that she will never discover masturbation. This practise is accepted by women, which indicates the rarity of female masturbation and therefore of female orgasm. Female circumcision is clear evidence that clitoral stimulation does not cause orgasm with a lover. Men would never eliminate a means of women having an orgasm with them.
We know that women do not orgasm with a lover because of the enormous political and emotional pressure that is brought to bear to insist they do.

Before Kinsey, couples in the general population had no idea that women were even capable of orgasm at any time. But men’s fascination with the idea of female orgasm has put political pressure on women to provide accounts of orgasm with a lover. Naturally there are women willing to oblige. The word orgasm is taboo because of the association with pornography. When it is mentioned men laugh nervously but most women are silent.

The words arousal and orgasm refer to the female experience. No one discusses these phenomena for men. Male orgasm occurs reliably. No one discusses it and it is not a female turn-on. If female orgasm were as reliable there would be a similar lack of interest in it. If female orgasm was common it would not be a specialist topic. There are no male orgasm experts.

Only men talk of sexual pleasure. Most women refuse to comment on the topic. The few women who comment providing no evidence of enjoying sexual pleasure. Women list various possible body parts as the source of their orgasms and typically cite porn as their means of arousal. Women who say sex is wonderful are probably not even having sex. It’s just a mantra that means nothing. They have no idea that arousal involves a mental response.

The other issue is responsiveness. It is implied that a woman can orgasm whenever she chooses but certainly every time a man does. This is highly unlikely. Even a man cannot time his orgasm exactly to match a lover. Gay men may orgasm in close succession because they are aroused. Women are much less responsive than men and not aroused by real-world erotic stimuli.

Some women suggest they stimulate themselves (or a lover does) while engaging in intercourse. They claim to orgasm by stimulating the clitoris (they probably mean the glans) either by hand or with a vibrator. It’s difficult to imagine how this would work because a man arrives at a sexual opportunity already highly aroused. The idea that he waits for a woman to masturbate herself in front of him before he is motivated to want intercourse, just doesn’t add up. Statistics indicate that men thrust into a vagina for an average of 2 minutes before ejaculating. Women take longer to orgasm than men do. So a woman would either have to start stimulating herself before intercourse or continue stimulating herself afterwards. This activity is neither loving nor sociable and it is difficult to imagine couples continuing for long to engage in what amounts to parallel masturbation.

Some of the women in Shere Hite’s samples said they masturbated during intercourse. This technique is impractical and incompatible with how women masturbate to orgasm. A key question is why a woman would want to masturbate during intercourse. Why would she not masturbate alone without the distraction of a lover who is likely to interrupt? It’s tempting to think that she wants to share her orgasm with a lover but this is just because we are accustomed to women’s sexual role of providing male turn-ons.

Neither women themselves nor their lovers ever comment on the obvious contradiction over assumptions about the female anatomy involved in orgasm. A woman is assumed to orgasm through intercourse (stimulation of the vagina) in a way that complements the male anatomy. The vagina complements the penis in reproductive terms. A woman is also assumed to orgasm through cunnilingus (stimulation of the clitoris) in a way that mirrors a man’s anatomy. The clitoris parallels the penis in terms of responsiveness.

So although men always stimulate the same anatomy (the penis) when heading for orgasm, it is assumed that a variety of anatomy can be involved in female orgasm. The implication is that different women achieve orgasm by stimulating different anatomy. Alternatively, the suggestion is that the same woman achieves orgasm on different occasions by stimulating different anatomy. The mechanism by which orgasm is achieved must be the same for everyone regardless of sex or orientation. Orgasm involves massaging the blood-flow (resulting from mental arousal) within the phallus.

The male, with his higher level of sexual responsiveness, is the one who is more often interested in making oral contacts, and it is the wife who is more often offended. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)