Friday, July 19, 2019
Home Emotional aspects of sexuality Non-sexual intimacy Men’s sex drive can cause them to be insensitive

Men’s sex drive can cause them to be insensitive

Men’s sex drive motivates them to take the sexual initiative. Men are foremost attracted to body parts but they also like lover who is sexually amenable, which means passive rather than asserting her own needs. When a man is aroused by a woman, he automatically assumes that she is equally aroused. This not so, even if she is in a relationship with him. When a woman feels emotionally attracted to a man, she willingly offers sex. Within a relationship, she needs to feel that he is affectionate, caring and loving.

Anyone who is the receiver of intercourse appreciates respect from the penetrating male. The penetrator has most of the pleasure. The receiver only has the pleasure of giving pleasure or pleasing a lover. This pleasure is greatly reduced if the penetrator has an unappreciative attitude. Over time men take a partner for granted and assume that sex is an automatic right. They don’t give a long-term lover the same respect they give to a new lover.

Men respect each other on the basis of power: either brute force, money or status. Men’s role as protector gives them a natural sense of superiority over women. Men disrespect those (including gay men) who offer others the opportunity for penetration. It is this male arrogance, and self-absorbed interest in their own sexual performance, that angers a woman. If a man is offensive a woman will often fall silent. Women notice such things. But men tend to assume someone will assert their opinion if they disagree. A woman expects a man to respect common courtesies. Most women discontinue relationships with men who are consistently insensitive or disrespectful.

Men call their male companions ‘ladies’ as an insult. This implies that they are not men but people who are being indulged with special privileges because they are more vulnerable than men. One reason heterosexual men disrespect gay men is because one partner must be willing to be the receiver of intercourse. Men respect foremost the biological role of being the penetrator. This attitude recognises the fact that the penetrator obtains the satisfaction and pleasure of penetration and thrusting until ejaculation.

Men wouldn’t be so happy if someone was pushing to penetrate their orifices (mouth or anus). This probably explains the prejudice against homosexual men. Neither would men be happy if society was full of sexually provocative male bodies posted on every street corner with close ups of male genitals. Nor would men be very happy with unrealistic images of male sexual performance. Women are expected to be immune to parallel images of their own sex. Some women find it offensive that women’s breasts and vaginas are posted everywhere. It’s not a turn-on for women.

Men want intercourse, regardless of a woman’s amenability, so they are naturally insensitive to the female perspective. Women tell men all the time, both verbally and by the way they behave, that they do not want or need sex as often as men do. But men don’t take any notice. They assume that female modesty inhibits women’s responses. This is how men must be, to fulfil their reproductive role. It doesn’t make men bad but it isn’t right either.

A predator cannot afford to feel compassion for its prey. A carnivore only eats meat. Someone has to die. A man’s sex drive works the same way. He cannot afford to empathise with the female perspective. Otherwise he would struggle to make the most of his sexual opportunities. The human race would die out. Having a sex drive makes men selfish by definition.

A man is offended by sexual rejection regardless of logic. Even if a woman has recently given birth, a man cannot accept that having a penis thrusting into the birth canal, could not possibly be pleasurable. A woman needs at least six weeks to recover from childbirth (longer if she had a Caesarean).

Some men enjoy pressing their erection against women in a crowded place or flashing their genitals to women in public. When a woman is taken by surprise by a flasher, she screams and runs away. This is clear evidence that women are not aroused by an erect penis. Women’s expressions of rejection are natural given sex (from the perspective of the basic animal instinct) originates from a male assault. Whether men heckle, flash or assault women, they seem satisfied with women’s reactions of disgust, anger or embarrassment. It does not deter them. A man is simply after a response.

Pornography also portrays women shrieking or screaming, which may confuse some younger men who associate such noises with the presumed arousal of the actresses in pornography. A man’s desire to display his erect penis is usually limited to a partner. Most men prefer to be accepted by a woman in order to enjoy the best sexual pleasure and release. Most men learn that women dislike explicitly sexual phenomena. Men hide signs of their sex drive from women to avoid the embarrassment of women’s disgust.

The situation where men are always hassling for sex and women are always accusing men of sexual harassment is very natural given the nature of men and women’s very different sexualities. Men resent women’s eternal sexual reluctance that they can’t understand. This confusion can turn into strong resentment and even anger that men then sometimes take out on women.

Work on yourself first so you can be an asset and not a liability in a relationship. (Stephan Labossiere 2018)