For men, sex is like a magic pill that makes the world seem more positive. Some men look to women as a distraction from everyday life. Sex represents an escape from the real world into fantasy. Sex can also be a form of male entertainment. Sex does not fulfil the same function for women.
A man commits to a relationship with a woman who offers him more regular sex than he can get elsewhere. If women offered sex readily and easily to any passing male, then men would have no reason to settle for one woman. Sex is the bonding mechanism that makes relationships possible. But it is male promiscuity that means men need to be incentivised, not women.
Once a man has found a woman who offers him regular intercourse, he may be motivated to legalise the arrangement. Not all men want to limit their sexual options. For some men, the excitement of the chase and the novelty of a new partner, make the hard work worthwhile. But a man needs a regular sexual outlet and this is obtained most easily by engaging in a relationship with one woman. Although sexual release is a physical need, men also often have a need to feel loved and appreciated. Of course for some men, marriage is no barrier to finding sexual opportunities elsewhere.
Men clearly want more than orgasm from sex, otherwise they would masturbate and be done. Men are not motivated by orgasm itself (which ends their enjoyment of engaging in sexual activity) but by the erotic rewards of engaging in intercourse. Men obtain an optimal sexual release from penetrating and ejaculating into another person’s body. Orgasm does not encapsulate all of the erotic, sensual and emotional pleasures men enjoy from sex. Yet orgasm is used to encapsulate all of women’s sexual pleasure.
Reproductively women are more essential than men are. Men go into battle not only because they are more suited to it but also because, reproductively, they are more dispensable than women. So men do not have the same emotional reassurance women have of being needed. Once a man chooses a mate, he feels emotionally fulfilled because she has accepted him as a lover. He considers his love for her to be special because it is a sexual love.
Women rarely initiate sex or behave proactively during sex. Women are not euphoric after intercourse, nor do they exhibit any signs of sexual lease and post-coital gratitude that men do. Men suspect that sexual pleasure is all theirs because of these obvious signs. Unless a woman puts on a performance, a man has no way of knowing that she has been pleased by his lovemaking. So men are always asking how they can pleasure a woman.
Women don’t tend to worry about pleasing a man because men’s pleasure is usually very evident. Men’s satisfaction in ejaculating as well as their post-coital gratitude for a woman providing them relief from frustration provides plenty of proof of pleasure. A woman does not need reassurance from sex because she is reassured by a man’s admiration of her body. A man’s erection is a clear indication of his appreciation for a lover. A woman’s body does not provide such clear erotic feedback. A woman needs to provide explicitly erotic feedback during sex by her behaviour or by what she says.
Their physical strength and emotional robustness cause men to assume their superiority over women in all things. Men don’t like to admit that they hope for female approval. Female orgasm is used as a token of women’s approval. A man assumes that she is satisfied and that she appreciates his performance. Men want a woman to confirm their prowess as a lover. They want to feel that their desire to penetrate is appreciated and that she enjoys the same pleasure. Women offer sex because they know it’s expected.
For a woman, sex is a social activity. But for a man, intercourse represents the culmination of his arousal cycle that is commenced many times throughout the days or weeks and concluded only when he has intercourse. Intercourse is a male activity that men orchestrate. A man’s performance is vitally important to him and he doesn’t want to be judged by a woman. Men insist on the fantasy that women are aroused by a large penis or long intercourse because it increases the importance of their own role in the act.
Men have not heralded the invention of vibrators with joy. Men are not interested in whether a woman is capable of orgasm per se. Men specifically want a woman to respond to what men do to them. Men’s prime focus is naturally intercourse. But men who are interested in erotic turn-ons other than intercourse also hope that a woman will be aroused by breast and clitoral stimulation with a lover regardless of any scientific facts or logic.
If men just wanted intercourse, they could pay a prostitute. Some men see sex as a form of mutual exchange. A man wants a woman to be proactively engaged in the sexual activity that is so important to him. A man wants an engaged sexual partner. A woman wants a man to be interested in her thoughts and concerns. A man who takes his camera on a date is like woman reading book during sex. A woman wants an engaged social partner. We don’t feel appreciated if our lover is not giving us their full attention when we are occupied with activities and communication that are dear to us.
To a husband, sex is about right up there on the list with eating and breathing. Can he survive without it? Yes, but it’s not fun at all. Sex is to the man, what talking/communication is to the woman. (Gerad Harris 2012)