When a man walks down the street with a woman on his arm, he is proud of the implied fact that he has a sexual relationship with a woman. His role is one of command and supremacy. He has obtained her approval as a lover and is the happy recipient of her sexual favours. Other men envy him when his lover is attractive, sexually provocative and demonstrably affectionate.
When a woman walks down the street with a man on her arm, her feelings are quite different. She is happy because she feels emotionally close to her lover. She enjoys her feeling of security at having his protection. She may be proud of his achievements, of his earning ability or just the car he drives. Other women envy her when her lover, is handsome, rich and generous.
Reproductively women are more essential than men are. Men go into battle not only because they are more suited to it but also because, reproductively, they are more dispensable than women. So men do not have the same emotional reassurance women have of being needed. Once a man chooses a mate, he feels emotionally fulfilled because she has accepted him as a lover. He considers his love for her to be special because it is a sexual love.
Men often compliment women on their looks. Women do not typically pay men equivalent compliments. So men do not obtain the same feedback or emotional reassurance. Men suspect that sexual pleasure is all theirs because of the obvious signs. Women rarely initiate sex or behave proactively during sex. Women are not euphoric after intercourse, nor do they exhibit any signs of sexual lease and post-coital gratitude that men do.
Unless a woman puts on an exaggerated performance, a man has no way of knowing that she has been pleased with his lovemaking. So men are always asking how they can pleasure a woman. Female orgasm is a topic of discussion because it is a male turn-on. Men equate sex with orgasm, so female orgasm is used as a token of women’s supposed enjoyment of sex.
For men sex (defined by intercourse) is orgasm. If a man engages in penetrative sex, it is almost a given that he will have an orgasm. So he assumes that the same is true for a woman. Men assume that women engage in intercourse because of this imagined pleasure. A man obtains an emotional reward when a woman responds lovingly. He assumes that she is satisfied and that she appreciates his performance. Some men’s enjoyment of sexual pleasure is enhanced by the idea that they have pleasured a lover.
Their physical strength and emotional robustness cause men to assume their superiority over women in all things. This makes it difficult for men to ever admit that they hope for a woman’s approval. They want a woman to confirm their prowess as a lover. They want to feel that their desire to penetrate her is reciprocated, that she obtains a similar pleasure from sex.
A man commits to a relationship with a woman who offers him more regular sex than he can get elsewhere. If women offered sex readily and easily to any passing male, then men would have no reason to settle for one woman. Sex is the bonding mechanism that makes relationships possible. But it is male promiscuity that means men need to be incentivised, not women.
Women don’t tend to worry about pleasing a man because men’s pleasure is usually very evident. Men’s satisfaction in ejaculating as well as their post-coital gratitude for a woman providing them relief from sexual frustration provides plenty of proof of pleasure. Most men need some kind of invitation before they are confident to initiate intercourse with a partner. A man may wait for a woman to indicate her amenability or he may hint and wait for a reaction. Women offer sex because they know it’s expected.
The mating position used by other mammals is rear entry (the man penetrates the woman from behind). Western society favours the missionary position (man on top of the woman but facing her). An advantage of the position is that intercourse can be incorporated into a lovemaking act. But it also causes the woman’s mental engagement (or lack of) to be visible to her partner. The need for a woman to appear more involved in lovemaking contributes to the emotional bonding process.
Men have not heralded the invention of vibrators with joy. Men are not interested in whether a woman is capable of orgasm per se. Men specifically want a woman to respond to what men do to them. Men’s prime focus is naturally intercourse. But men who are interested in erotic turn-ons other than intercourse also hope that a woman will be aroused by breast and clitoral stimulation with a lover regardless of any scientific facts or logic.
For a woman, sex is a social activity. But for a man, intercourse represents the culmination of his arousal cycle that is commenced many times throughout the days or weeks and concluded only when he has intercourse. Intercourse is a male activity that men orchestrate. A man’s performance is vitally important to him and he doesn’t want to be judged by a woman. Men insist on the fantasy that women are aroused by a large penis or long intercourse because it increases the importance of their own role in the act.
To a husband, sex is about right up there on the list with eating and breathing. Can he survive without it? Yes, but it’s not fun at all. Sex is to the man, what talking/communication is to the woman. (Gerad Harris 2012)