Home Intellectual aspects of sexuality Masturbation We (not a sex toy or lover) cause our own orgasm

We (not a sex toy or lover) cause our own orgasm

Even when a sex organ is capable of penetration (as the penis is), it cannot cause a lover’s orgasm. For a person to orgasm, they must be motivated to obtain the correct stimulation of their own phallus. Men are aroused biologically and automatically; women are not. The physical stimulation involved in achieving orgasm is almost incidental in the sense that it is trivial. Once a person is aroused the stimulation is supplied instinctively. Any woman can buy a sex toy to reassure herself that she can orgasm as she has been told she should. This is not the result of an instinctive urge. Men do not use a vibrator to masturbate because it is the wrong kind of stimulation.

Even men do not orgasm simply by pressing a button. For stimulation to be effective, we must focus on an aspect of eroticism that causes mental arousal. Ironically, it is women’s aversion to fantasy that makes a vibrator attractive. A gadget gives women something to do. It is devoid of the dirty associations that women attribute to sexual activity. A gadget is acceptable because it can be accessorized and comes in different colours. Many women find the idea of touching anyone’s genitals (even their own) distasteful. By using an accessory, women avoid needing to touch their genitals with their fingers.

Vibrators tend to be modelled on dildos (shaped like an erect penis) which were symbols of male potency in the past. This shape is suggestive of eroticism but also confuses women into thinking that they are supposed to stimulate their vaginas to simulate intercourse. Undoubtedly, a dildo is most useful to men who want to experience anal penetration. There is no obvious explanation for why women should orgasm from the high-speed (powered by an electric battery) kind of vibrating stimulation that does not occur in Nature. Despite all the publicity, few women are tempted to buy a sex toy.

Some women claim to orgasm by stimulating the clitoral glans. Unlike the body of the clitoris, the glans does not become tumescent during sexual arousal, as it does not contain erectile (expandable) tissue. The technique of stimulating the clitoral glans appears to mimic male masturbatory techniques. But this is a false analogy. When a man stimulates his penis, he focuses his stimulation on the corpora cavernosa within the shaft of the penis. The clitoris also has corpora cavernosa but they are located within the internal clitoral organ rather than the glans. The only way to massage this area is to push down into the spongy tissue either side of the labia majora.

Most so-called sexual knowledge is based on erroneous assumptions. There is no research that proves women orgasm through intercourse. Neither is there any research proving that a vibrator guarantees orgasm. A few women boast about orgasm and we believe them. But millions of other women are silent. The sex toy industry (very wisely) never claims that their products give anyone an orgasm. We can deduce that a vibrator does not increase women’s enthusiasm for sex. If it did, men would be rushing out to buy one. Vibrators are noticeably missing from pornography. Men prefer to believe that the stimulation that satisfies them, also provides women’s satisfaction.

Some women claim to use a vibrator either before or during intercourse. A key question is why a woman would want to masturbate during intercourse. Why would she not masturbate alone without the distraction of a lover who is likely to interrupt? Research indicates that men only last an average of 2 minutes before ejaculating. So a woman would be under considerable time pressure. This activity is neither loving nor sociable and it is difficult to imagine couples engaging in what amounts to parallel masturbation. It’s tempting to think that a woman might want to share her orgasm with a lover but this is just because we accept women’s role of providing male turn-ons.

Ignorance over the role of mental arousal, means that everyone accepts that women’s orgasm difficulties must be due to inadequate stimulation. Perhaps women are reassured by implicitly shifting the blame onto men. Orgasm is promoted as a commodity that can be purchased rather than being an instinctive response. Yet this form of stimulation has only been available recently. The marketing of sex toys has been so successful that many people assume every woman owns one. Many women appreciate that they are not aroused so stimulation is pointless. Women buy vibrators because they do not discover orgasm by instinct. It is also a reflection of the political and emotional pressure on women to say that they can orgasm just as men do.

Responsiveness is a capability that has evolved over eons. That means our ancestors must have had a similar capability. It is not possible for women to evolve a new physiological response overnight. By applying ‘the dog and ball theory’, we can see that a vibrator does not replicate any kind of naturally occurring stimulation. The stimulation provided by a vibrating gadget is nothing like a thrusting penis or the stimulation of manual masturbation.

For most of our history, there has been no substitute for a penis. Women couldn’t just use a random stick because it would be too uncomfortable. If a woman wants vaginal stimulation, there are more than enough men willing and available. Why would she ever need a substitute? In the past witch doctors sold ineffective lotions and potions to an ignorant public desperate for a cure. Today the sex industry thrives on people’s embarrassment and ignorance about how orgasm is achieved. If a woman finds a vibrator does nothing for her, she has no one to tell. The marketing of these gadgets is so universal that it’s difficult for a woman to question their ineffectiveness.

A rhythmic development of muscular tensions is probably the most important of all the physiologic changes which occur when an animal responds sexually. (Alfred Kinsey)