A polite way of expressing some men’s enjoyment of promiscuity is to say that they like the ladies. There is no equivalent expression to describe a woman who is promiscuous. The term lady is used as a form of respect that is needed because of the disrespect men often display towards women.
A man defends his honour by fighting and beating an opponent. A woman defends her honour by fighting off unwanted suitors and saving her virginity for a mate of her own choosing. One of the greatest insults a man can use against another man is to assert that his mother is sexually promiscuous.
Women have two key reasons for engaging in intercourse. Some women have sex solely for personal gain without any emotional attachment. They have sex for money or personal ego. The second motivation is, of course, romantic love that leads to a relationship. Women do not have sex to enjoy sexual release or pleasure otherwise they would pay for sex as men do.
Some women think it’s cool to emulate male bravado by suggesting that they use men for sex. Of course, women use men for sex! But women are motivated by ego, by money and by love. Women use men to earn money or for some other advantage, such as career advancement or marriage. They are not motivated by sex itself or even by orgasm. In this sense women are not sexually motivated. Female promiscuity has nothing to do with a woman’s responsiveness. A woman cannot use a man’s body to enjoy arousal and sexual release in the way that a man can use a woman’s body.
Most women are not prepared to offer intercourse to a stranger. They want to feel an emotional connection first. Various factors, including personality, mean that some women are promiscuous at least initially. Many people don’t expect much and are less considered about what they do. Many women have low self-esteem and see sex as a way of obtaining admiration. Some women cannot stand up to someone with a stronger will or personality. Young women are unassertive. They give in to men’s persistent attempts to have sex with them only to find that they are then disrespected.
Some women enjoy casual sex and are happy to have superficial sexual contacts just for the fun and for the ego. They enjoy being chatted-up or having a romantic dinner. Sex is a small price to pay. They have sex when they choose to. They can go for weeks without sex and no one notices. A wife does not have this luxury. Women who are in relationships with men, have sex with a much greater frequency and regularity than women who engage in casual sex. This is one of the injustices women face. Women who are promiscuous are considered more sexual than women who are loyal.
Someone who has never engaged in penetrative sex is called a virgin. Female virginity is valued by men because of the territorial nature of male sexuality. Men don’t like to be compared with other male lovers. Men prefer an inexperienced lover so that they can focus on their own arousal. A sexually inexperienced woman is more likely to accept whatever a man offers without question because she has no expectations from other men.
If she can disregard the need for an emotional connection, any woman can regard sex as trivial. A woman’s role is not onerous. Sex will always be trivial to some women who are naturally resented by other women. Logically, given men themselves are tempted by promiscuity, one might expect men to look favourably on promiscuous women. Promiscuity is a potential sign of sexual motivation. But men don’t like a woman who is too sexually easy.
Not every man (particularly if he is married) welcomes an approach from an attractive woman. Women do not typically approach men they don’t know. So a man suspects her motives are sexual. He may feel pressured by his own assumption that a sexual performance is expected of him.
A man wants a woman to offer intercourse to him but not to other men. Yet anyone with a sex drive wants sex with any attractive partner. Men create this contradiction over women’s sexual amenability. They don’t respect a woman who spreads her legs and offers sex too easily. Yet at the same time they are frustrated when they don’t get the sex they want. A man cannot understand why a woman does not want sex when her role is so trivial compared to his own. A man marries a sexually unadventurous woman because he appreciates the benefit of her love. Over decades, women have sex with a man because they love him, which has nothing to do with orgasm.
Decent men do exist but a woman has to give out the right signals. Men who are looking for casual sex want a woman to be easy to get. But decent guys are prepared to wait a little for sex. They value personality and intelligence as well as body parts. A man who is willing to invest in a relationship also wants some reassurance that a woman will be sexually faithful. Intercourse provides men with the turn-on of penetration and the emotional reassurance of being accepted. But a man does not feel honoured to have his sexual advances accepted by a woman if she gives her body to any man.
Many a male, particularly in certain social levels and in certain parts of the United States, is prone to seek coitus from every available girl, while insisting that the girl he marries should be virgin when he first has coitus with her. It is the male, rather than the female, who imposes this incongruity on the social code. (Kimsey 1953)