A man defends his honour by fighting and beating an opponent. A woman defends her honour by fighting off unwanted suitors and saving her virginity for a mate of her own choosing. One of the greatest insults a man can use against another man is to assert that his mother is sexually promiscuous.
Someone who has never engaged in penetrative sex is called a virgin. Female virginity is valued by men because of the territorial nature of male sexuality. Men don’t like to be compared with other male lovers. Men prefer an inexperienced lover so that they can focus on their own arousal. A sexually inexperienced woman is more likely to accept whatever a man offers without question because she has no expectations from other men.
Young women are often unassertive. They may give in to men’s persistent attempts to have sex with them only to find that they are then disrespected. Married women know their husbands always want more sex than they are willing to offer. They also know that men are attracted to women throughout the day regardless of any relationship. So women don’t always feel that their efforts to please and satisfy their partner’s sexual needs are respected.
Some women enjoy casual sex and are happy to have superficial sexual contacts just for the fun and for the ego. They enjoy being chatted-up or having a romantic dinner. Sex is a small price to pay. They have sex when they choose to. They can go for weeks without sex and no one notices. A wife does not have this luxury. Women who are in relationships with men, have sex with a much greater frequency and regularity than women who engage in casual sex. This is one of the injustices women face. Women who are promiscuous are considered more sexual than women who are loyal.
Logically, given men themselves are tempted by promiscuity, one might expect men to look favourably on promiscuous women. But the reverse is true, men don’t like a woman who is too sexually easy. They suspect that she is having sex with them for the benefits (such as having dates paid for).
Many men pay for the upkeep of other men’s progeny without even knowing it. Apart from using a DNA test, a man cannot know if a child is his or not. If a woman is less sexually amenable, then it is more likely that she will be loyal to one man. The trouble with this approach is that it also means that a woman is less amenable to every man, including her husband.
A man wants a woman to be enthusiastic about sex but only with him. A man marries a sexually unadventurous woman because he appreciates the benefit of her love for him. Over the longer term, women have sex with a man they love. But this love has nothing to do with achieving orgasm.
Women have two main reasons for engaging in intercourse. Some women have sex solely for personal gain without any emotional attachment. They have sex for money or for personal ego. The second motivation is, of course, romantic love that leads to marriage. Women do not have sex to enjoy sexual release and pleasure otherwise they would pay for sex as men do. Women rarely have sex with more than one man at a time. Women are unfaithful when their current relationship is emotionally unfulfilling or when they hope to improve their lifestyle with a more successful man.
Some women think it’s cool to emulate male bravado by suggesting that they use men for sex. Of course women use men for sex! But women are motivated by ego, by money and by love. Women use men to earn money or for some other advantage, such as career advancement or marriage. They are not motivated by sex itself or even by orgasm. In this sense women are not sexually motivated. Female promiscuity has nothing to do with a woman’s responsiveness. A woman cannot use a man’s body to enjoy arousal and sexual release in the way that a man can use a woman’s body.
Not every man (particularly if he is married) welcomes an approach from an attractive woman. Women are not typically sociable with men they don’t know. So a man suspects her motives are sexual. He may feel pressured by his own assumption that a sexual performance is expected of him.
Sex is foremost a biological male need that for at least some men can be satisfied by any woman. A woman can be described as an evil temptress just because she is attractive to men. We talk of women of pleasure or sinful women. It’s not that women are inherently bad (or enjoying sexual pleasure) but their bodies tempt men into having illicit sexual liaisons, which lead to social problems such as unwanted pregnancies and broken marriages.
If women saw sex as men do, they would be pregnant all the time. For reproductive reasons, a woman is able to make a conscious choice over who she mates with. Women have no reason to want intercourse and plenty of reasons not to want it. It is only when a woman is attracted to a man and she feels an emotional connection that she feels naturally amenable to intercourse. This desire is emotional and romantic rather than erotic.
Many a male, particularly in certain social levels and in certain parts of the United States, is prone to seek coitus from every available girl, while insisting that the girl he marries should be virgin when he first has coitus with her. It is the male, rather than the female, who imposes this incongruity on the social code. (Kimsey 1953)