Men have much more confidence over sexual matters than women because sex revolves around male responses. A man’s arousal motivates him to initiate sexual activity. His desire for penetration ensures that he wants to obtain sexual opportunities with a partner. His erection makes penetrative sex possible. But his orgasm ends his interest in engaging in further activity.
When a man wants to ingratiate himself with a woman, he buys her flowers. At some level, men seem to accept that women look for emotional rewards from relationships. He may even buy her a sexy nightdress as a hint that he would like to see her wearing it. He does not display himself in provocative underwear as an erotic turn-on. If a woman buys sexy underwear for a man, it is a hint that he should improve his clothing style not a hint that she wants to play with what’s inside the underwear. Yet a man assumes that a woman has sex because she is aroused to the point of orgasm. A woman offers sex when she loves a male partner but, at the same time, she knows it’s expected.
We can differentiate between a person’s physical capability to participate in sexual activity and their emotional amenability. A man’s physical capability to engage in intercourse depends on his ability to obtain an erection. This occurs as a result of his mental response to erotic phenomena such as sexual opportunities or nudity of an attractive partner. Even if a man reaches orgasm by other means, such as oral sex or masturbation, an erection is still required. This is because mental arousal always precedes orgasm. But a woman can always participate in intercourse (even if she is unwilling). The only variable is her emotional amenability (which depends on a relationship).
Intercourse provides the psychological arousal and the physical stimulation that a man needs for orgasm. Men’s speed-to-orgasm depends on the familiarity of the situation and behaviour of their partner including any turn-ons they may provide. Once aroused, any difficulties a man may have reaching orgasm may be due to a lack of enthusiasm from a female lover or because he lacks confidence with a stranger (for example with a prostitute).
Before we attempt orgasm, we need to appreciate how to achieve arousal. For a man, this usually occurs fairly spontaneously. A man’s arousal causes his penis to become erect and makes penetration possible. Women are assumed to be aroused as men are by the prospect of intercourse. Heterosexual men always assume the role of penetrator and thereby obtain the penile stimulation. The penis is stimulated by penetrating and by thrusting into a lover’s body. Most heterosexual men object to assuming the role of the receiver of (anal) intercourse. Intercourse stimulates a woman’s reproductive anatomy rather than the anatomy that is equivalent to the penis.
Men’s arousal cycle (from arousal to ejaculation) is most satisfactorily completed by engaging in intercourse. This makes a woman’s role mandatory from the male perspective. A man cannot understand why a woman wouldn’t want intercourse whenever he capable of providing it.
Intercourse could never provide both partners with an orgasm because the stimulation of intercourse only lasts as long as a man has an erection. The amount of stimulation (length of time) a person needs to orgasm depends on their mental state of arousal. A man cannot predict the timing of his orgasm any more than a woman can. Even if a woman could respond to intercourse as men hope, she would not be able to orgasm at the same time as her lover. Women never reach a point where they can no longer offer intercourse. An orifice can always be penetrated so it cannot be a sex organ.
When we say that a couple slept together, we mean that they had intercourse. The natural assumption is that if a man and a woman share a bed it is very likely that they had intercourse. This is because men are easily aroused just from the thought of a woman (possibly semi-naked) lying in close proximity to them. There is absolutely nothing a woman can do to make intercourse happen. Intercourse relies on a man having an erection. A woman’s role is simply to arouse a man and cooperate with intercourse until he ejaculates.
The function of sexual activity with a lover is clearly penetration and reproduction. But only the male is capable of penetration. The traditional justification for marriage was to allow a couple to raise children and to minimise promiscuity (which leads to exploitation of women, unwanted pregnancies and sexual disease). Yet most men want sex much more frequently than is needed for reproduction. In order to have a family, couples only need to have intercourse a handful of times. Intercourse frequencies are determined by a man’s sex drive. Ejaculating into a vagina has a special emotional significance for men. Intercourse completes a man’s arousal cycle and gives him a sense of satisfaction and emotional well-being.
Women are shamed for being sexually unwilling and so causing men to look elsewhere. Yet some men are much more sexually demanding than others. A women’s sexual reluctance depends on the state of the relationship, her own willingness to explore sex play and her partner’s sensitivity to recognising her lower interest in sex. In our society, women’s sexual amenability is typically assumed in direct conflict with the issue of consent.
Just as in the human animal, and even more often than in the man animal, petting among the other mammals is primarily, although not exclusively, male activity which is directed toward the female. As in the human species, it is the male which is more likely to be aroused psychologically and usually before he makes any physical contact. (Alfred Kinsey)
Excerpt from Learn About Sexuality (ISBN 978-0956-894748)