We can differentiate between a person’s physical capability to participate in sexual activity and their emotional amenability. A man’s physical capability to engage in intercourse depends on his ability to obtain an erection. This occurs as a result of his mental response to erotic phenomena such as sexual opportunities or nudity of an attractive partner. Even if a man reaches orgasm by other means, such as oral sex or masturbation, an erection is still required. This is because mental arousal always precedes orgasm. But a woman can always participate intercourse (even if she is unwilling). The only variable is her emotional amenability (which depends on her relationship).
Men enjoy sex regardless of any relationship. A man doesn’t take offense at a lover’s behaviours as easily as a woman and his sex drive is not affected by arguments. When a man wants to ingratiate himself with a woman, he buys her flowers. He may even buy her a sexy nightdress as a hint that he would like to see her wearing it. He does not display himself in provocative underwear as an erotic turn-on. If a woman buys sexy underwear for a man, it is a hint that he should improve his clothing style not a hint that she wants to play with what’s inside the underwear. Yet a man assumes that a woman has sex because she is aroused to the point of orgasm. A woman has sex ideally because she loves a man but also because she knows it’s expected.
Intercourse provides the psychological arousal and the physical stimulation that a man needs for orgasm. Men’s speed-to-orgasm depends on the familiarity of the situation and behaviour of their partner including any turn-ons they may provide. Once aroused, any difficulties a man may have reaching orgasm are typically due to a lack of enthusiasm from a female lover or because he lacks confidence with a stranger (e.g. with a prostitute).
Before we attempt orgasm, we need to appreciate how to achieve arousal. For a man, this usually occurs fairly spontaneously. A man’s arousal causes the penis to become erect and makes penetration possible. A man’s sex organ penetrates an orifice of another person’s body and is stimulated by thrusting into it. Women are stimulated through intercourse in a very different way to how men are stimulated. The person who is penetrated need not be aroused. Men assume they will always be the penetrator and so obtain the penile stimulation they need for orgasm. Most heterosexual men strongly object to assuming the role of the receiver of (anal) intercourse.
Men’s arousal cycle (from arousal to ejaculation) is most satisfactorily completed by engaging in intercourse. This makes a woman’s role mandatory from the male perspective. A man finds it almost impossible to understand why women don’t want intercourse whenever he can provide it.
The amount of stimulation (length of time) a person needs to orgasm depends on a person’s mental state of arousal. A man cannot predict the timing of his orgasm any more than a woman can. Intercourse could never provide both partners with an orgasm because the stimulation of intercourse only lasts as long as a man has an erection. Even if a woman could respond to intercourse as men hope, she cannot orgasm at the same time as her lover. Women never reach a point where they can no longer engage in intercourse. An orifice can always be penetrated, so it cannot be a sex organ.
When we say that a couple slept together, we mean that they had intercourse. The natural assumption is that if a man and a woman share a bed it is very likely that they had intercourse. This is because men are easily aroused just from the thought of a woman (possibly semi-naked) lying in close proximity to them. There is absolutely nothing a woman can do to make intercourse happen. Intercourse relies on a man having an erection.
Men have much more confidence over sexual matters than women because sex revolves around male responses. A man’s arousal motivates him to initiate sexual activity. His desire for penetration ensures that he wants to obtain sexual opportunities with a partner. His erection makes penetrative sex possible. But his orgasm ends his interest in engaging in further activity.
The function of sexual activity with a lover is clearly penetration and reproduction. But only the male is capable of penetration. Although intercourse is justified as an act within marriage that leads to family. Frequencies are not defined in terms of reproductive necessity. Intercourse frequencies are determined by a man’s sex drive. Ejaculating into a vagina has a special emotional significance for men. Intercourse completes a man’s arousal cycle and gives him a sense of satisfaction and emotional well-being.
The traditional justification for marriage was to allow a man and woman to raise children together. Yet most men want sex much more frequently than is needed for reproduction. Women are shamed for being sexually unwilling and so causing men to look elsewhere. Yet some men are much more sexually demanding than others. A women’s sexual reluctance depends on the state of the relationship, her own willingness to explore sex play and her partner’s sensitivity to recognising her lower interest in sex.
Just as in the human animal, and even more often than in the man animal, petting among the other mammals is primarily, although not exclusively, male activity which is directed toward the female. As in the human species, it is the male which is more likely to be aroused psychologically and usually before he makes any physical contact. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)